To be unsympathetic with pregnant friend

[creamteas]

Two people I know were in an on-off relationship which neither took very seriously. Last year, due to contraception failure, she became pregnant. From the beginning, he made it clear he was not interested in being a father and offered her money and support through an abortion. She decided she wanted the baby, and at which point he stated that he wanted nothing to do which the future child and ended all contact with her. This was at about 6 weeks in and she is now 36 weeks pregnant.

Throughout the pregnancy she has sent him constant updates and invitations to scans etc all of which have gone unanswered. She was still assuming he would change his mind, when this week she heard the news that he is moving abroad just after New Year.

She is now apparently devastated and wondering how she will cope. Yet it was her decision to continue with the pregnancy and she did so knowing that he had no intention of being involved.

I am trying to be sympathetic but given that he made his feelings very clear from the beginning, I really don?t think she has anything to complain about. She made the decision to continue with the pregnancy knowing that he was not going to be involved. AIBU.

How onearth has anyone been forced into parenthood here? The man has OPTED OUT. Personally I am more against forced abortion. My dds father tried to force me into an abortion I refused and he opted out. He does no parenting at all. For me that was better than getting an abortion. Some people might disagree but each to their own.

^ He is getting on with it

No he fucking isn't. He's fucked off because things didn't go his way and so he's acting like a spoilt little child by refusing to take any responsibility for his child and fucking off to live in another country just to make sure that he doesn't have anything to do with a person he created.

Sigmund Freud; so people shou;ld abort rather than 'forcing men into parenthood' WTF? Parenting is not always carried out by BIOLOGICAL parents you know. If someone dosn't want their child then they have the option to fuck off but why on earth should willing mum/dad and/or baby/feotus have to suffer for it?

" People who try to force people into parenthood do not deserve compassion."

Well, I agree with you there. But I don't remember reading in the OP that the woman drugged the man and forced him to have sex with her. Or somehow stole his sperm, or sabotaged their contraception. I was under the impression that they had consensual sex and their contraception failed- which is a known, possible consequence of consensual sex.

The man chose to have sex, he was not forced into anything. The woman has made her choice to have the baby- she is absolutely within her rights to do this and he has to accept this because at the point that she became pregnant it was no longer his choice to make.

Boney he would be wrong to think that unless they had discussed it and she said that's what she'd do. There is a massive difference between not wanting something to happen and choosing to terminate if it does happen.

I personally think that people who try to force their partner into an abortion are the lowest of the low. I was told that if I kept my baby he would leave to which I replied "bye bye then; fine with me." When he realised that I wasn't going to go down his route then he ytried to pressure me in other ways. Scumbag. I'm not after his money; I don't want his maintenance. he is not on the birth certificate ; he can stay fucked off. And my dd is the most georgeous, happy wonderful little girl ever. Would you rather I had aborted her Sigmusnd. And I work so you can't bang on about benefit scroungers either.

"Sigmund Freud; so people shou;ld abort rather than 'forcing men into parenthood' WTF"

Did I say that? No I didn't.

I notice the OP has not answered the question of whether she is in fact related to the man in the OP rather than actually a friend of the woman.

I'd put money on her being the new girlfriend.

I reckon mum or sister would think he wasn't behaving correctly.

Of course he doesn't have to be an active part of the babies life...but he should shoulder financial responsibility for the baby he helped create.

OP also hasn't explained how her "friend" got pregnant last year and is still only 36 weeks pregnant

"Would you rather I had aborted her Sigmusnd"

Do you want to take a breather and cease with the emotive bullshit. I get more than a little peeved with people twisting my words. Get a grip and read my words properly, assuming you can.

Well done for working.

Guessing op thinks its 2013, I always get muddled up after vhristmas
And sig is really getting a bit of a bashing here

But men should never have a choice. I think this is grossly unfair.
They do have a choice.
Take care of contraception or don't have sex.

In the case of contraception failure, you have to step up. If you can't do it emotionally you have to do it financially.

Sigmund - your posts suggest that you feel abortion should be an easy choice to make and that if it's not it's the woman's problem. I think that's unfair.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas

I think that we are on the same wavelength in that there is a big different between not wanting children and will have them if accidents happen.

I don't think men should be forced to step up except for the CSA. Noone can force a man to be an emotional parent just as noone can force a woman into an abortion. What I would like to see change is the stigmatisation of such women and more social disgust at men who run away in such a cowardly way.

If my post suggests that I think abortion is an easy choice then I haven't posted clearly. I do not think it is an easy choice, I think it is a choice.

"it was her decision to continue with the pregnancy and she did so knowing that he had no intention of being involved" this was her ultimate choice, so she now has to get on with it. That's all.

Was wondering how long it would be before someone mentioned the words "new girlfriend". How predictable.

sowhat I said it ages ago!

Could set your watch by me

I only said it because the OP's stance really doesn't add up to that of a true friend.

I also suggested she might actually be the bloke,or maybe his sister/mum.

I also mentioned their maths wasn't great.

Ah my bad.

But still, new girlfriends always get mentioned in these sorts of threads.

^I reckon mum or sister would think he wasn't behaving correctly.

I wouldn't bet on it. My son's father is a total dead loss pretty much all of the time. I still keep things going with his side of the family because they are my son's family and that's the right thing to do. Still, it does rankle rather when his mother says things like "Oh, it's such a shame that [my son's father] can't see his school play" etc - yes, it is a fucking shame, and it's a shame because the only reason he can't see these things is because he can't be arsed. You would think that being a woman and a mother herself she would see that, but no.

"So most of the MN jury believe that women should have a choice about whether or not to have a child, as do I.

But men should never have a choice. I think this is grossly unfair.

I have and will support my pregnant friend, but still have no sympathy with this position."

Why bother to post then OP? You don't care if YABU or not.

Wallison that's awful! I guess I always assume people will behave as my family would. And how the majority of nice people would.

Your boy doesn't sound like he's missing out on much there. Better the dad not be involved than be a half arsed disappointment to your son. I bet your son thinks the absolute world of you though!

I dont think anyone can be slated in this situation.

The guy made his choice to not be involved, the pregnant friend chose to keep the baby, OP sounds like they just want their friend to wake up, realise he isnt interested & get on with her life and not dwell on it.