To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Boomerwang...they weren't at the bloody opera it was a panto, likely to be full of families that come in all shapes & sizes. As long as the kids could see & have a good time (the op's & the others) then surely that's all that matters. If she wants silent uninterupted viewing mayb dont go to a family show...although dont forget you get disabled adults too!

People are assuming the boy couldn't help it and had SN but maybe he was just being naughty. Either way, it was totally unreasonable to keep the boy infront but the OP should have just said something.

Yes it's important that children who are autistic get the opportunity to do the same things as other children can do, but not to the detriment of other children. All children are equally important, one child having autism doesn't make their participation in a special and expensive event more important than another child's

My autistic child puts up with other neurotypical childrens 'stuff' all the time, very much to his detriment.

Funny how that is considered normal and ok.

Why is one set of childrens needs considered more important and not warranting disruption than anothers~>

It's easy to enjoy a panto with a bot of talking and movement around you, it's really not easy to enjoy a piano when there are people shouting and jumping up and down around you.

All children are equally important

Unless they are autistic, in which case they should bow and scrape with gratitude at being included, but only sometimes and only if they dont make too much noise or flap their hands too much.

There is no solution to the fact that the needs of people with disabilities won't always mesh neatly with the needs of those without.

This little boy shouldn't be deprived of the things that NT children get to experience. His parents should be able to see him enjoying himself.

Equally, the OP should be able to enjoy the show she had paid to see.

Unfortunately, on this occasion these two things were completely incompatible. It happens. Sometimes someone is going to "lose out" in a situation.

Bearing in mind that NT people vastly outnumber people with disabilities, it really isn't that big an ask for those without disablities to occasionally take a hit so that it isn't always the people with disabilities who lose out.

The OP had one outing spoiled. The parents of that child probably experience spoiled outings on a regular basis. He is a member of society, just the same as the OP's children, so the compassionate, social thing to do is to shrug it off and think "I'm glad he had a nice outing."

Are you suggesting that th parents of this child should have paid to keep his upsetting presence away from OP by ensuring he stays in a box?

No I am suggesting that IF he needed room to 'stim' and that he would find it stressful (and the dad would find it stressful) a private box was also an option for them.

Hm I thought that the panto might be one place we could try ds1 one day (seeing at it's always been noisy and lively and full of talking children when we've taken ds2 and ds3). If we sat at the back.

Don't think I'll bother.

(He's severely autistic - so telling him to sit still is like telling a fish to stay still)

Amber I find you assumption, that people who disagree with you are telling you to hide your child, quite offensive. They are not. They just disagree with you.

But the OP assumed the child had SN, and she makes no concession for it.

No Amber, that's not what I said. Please don't put words in my mouth.

Children with autism shouldn't be put in a position by their carers where they are going to disrupt other people so much that they cannot possibly enjoy the thing they have paid to enjoy.

The most important thing here is that is doesn't sound like any of the children involved were able to enjoy the panto, and that is the fault of the NT parent/carer who was looking after the child with autism.

"Why is it only disabled people that are expected to 'compromise'? ie change their behavior?"

Well that isn't true is it? Lets take building regs as an example - they're increasingly formulated to ensure maximum accessibility - even if that is occasionally at the expense of the able bodied. However, despite starfishes protests most listed buildings are not and never will be wheel chair accessible. Compromise.

Taking the specific example of a sn child damaging someone's property? Is that one thing you would never apologise or explain for?

As was said above everyone has the right to enjoy a show. Unfortunately these do sometimes conflict? Do the rights of the sn minority out weight the rights of the majority?

Would a compromise be to take your child to dinner at the 6pm cover rather than the 9pm one?

Amber yes your son is part of society. Do you expect him to be an equal?

He is.

If so then behaviour moderation might be necessary in order to fit in as an equal

I disagree.

You'd surely expect someone to pull away their own SN child if he or she was stopping you from doing whatever it is you are doing wouldn't you?

No I wouldn't at all.

I would behave like the reasonable person that I am and step around the person who was having trouble and get on with what I was doing, because I can.

We only have the op info to go on & she said the believed the child to have sn. I completely expect my child to behave & comply but it is only ever going to be within his level of understanding or ability no matter how much you or I would like it to be different. My ds would actually sit better in a seat by himself than with people either side as he cannot tolerate people close to him. That said he also has a physical disability which usually means he is plonked on the end of the row with one of us next to him while the rest of the family are sitting elsewhere....never judge until you know the circumstances

Bearing in mind that NT people vastly outnumber people with disabilities, it really isn't that big an ask for those without disablities to occasionally take a hit so that it isn't always the people with disabilities who lose out.

Actually, I think it is quite a big ask when you are asking that a family should basically miss out on most of the event as well. It's a huge ask when they have had to pay for it, have been looking forward to it, had children excited about it, and have probably prepared their children for how they need to behave, then you tell them that none of that matters because someone else's needs are more important than theirs so they should just put up with having their special occasion spoiled.

yohoho you disagree with me for those reasons, you speak for yourself.