To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Because of the attitudes of some people on this thread my kids don't get to have access to fun stuff like pantos, cinemas etc.

So thanks for that. Hope you all enjoy your mealy mouthed bigotry.

I'm fortunate in that when I mentioned this to my local authority they designated a special performance for people with social/communication needs. It's not every year but every other, and all the Carers there are understanding of the needs of the others in the audience, so it's not 'ruined' FFS for anyone.

festive how do you know the child with autism wasn't enjoying his outing?

Fair point, I don't know that he wasn't enjoying it. He may have been having a great time, and I sincerely hope he was.

I still don't think his enjoyment should come before that of another child though. Another adult, maybe, although that's debateable at an expensive event. But not another child.

yohoho you disagree with me for those reasons, you speak for yourself.

Yes I said I find it offensive. and I can not find one persons post that comes across as you describe. IMO, they don't think your sone in not equal, they disagree with you.

It's a pantomime. How you "prepare your children for how they need to behave" is tell them it's ok to shout 'He's behind you' and join in with the singing.

kungfupannda - that attitude is very dependent on the OP's situation though. It is wonderful to have the luxury of thinking like that. I could. My children get to go to and perform in theatres many times a year and have seen 2 pantos this Christmas. However, for a friend and her family who came with us to one it was their only theatre trip of the year and quite a big deal, financially. I could have shrugged off being unable to enjoy it for the sake of someone else. I doubt she could.

But the ops family didnt miss out.it was just her husbands viewing that was disrupted was her husband that bothered that he puts his needs at a panto ffd over that of a young child who for whatever reason was showing his enjoyment.

Yes Starfish, they could. But there are so many opportunities that children have to learn about the needs of others that actually, I don't think a special, expensive, once a year occasion is the time to expect them to do that.

Fine. It's a big ask. But I would prefer to live in a society where people can make that ask.

Think about it. The parents of a severely disabled child are with them 24/7. The person queuing behind them in the supermarket is with them for 5 minutes. The person sitting behind them in the pantomime is with them for a couple of hours. The person near them in a cafe is with them for an hour or so. Is it really, truly too much to ask for each of those people to "donate" a bit of tolerance for that brief period of time, once in a blue moon? Because if no-one ever shows that tolerance, or always has an excuse why it shouldn't be them showing the tolerance because it's a special occasion, or because they've paid a lot of money or whatever, then the alternative is that the child's parents spend every minute of their lives trying to force their child to be different, rather than just enjoying their time with their child, not matter what that child's difficulties might be.

There's no solution. Someone is always going to lose out when the needs of a child with a disability conflicts with the needs of the NT people around him. But if we all step up and show a little tolerance when it is our turn to do so, then the lives of those who live with disability become easier by a massive factor.

If everyone of us says "I'm willing to take that hit this time", the difference to the lives of some of the people on this thread would be immense.

Kungfu..thank you!

Isn't it obvious, Starfish?

We should stay home and not offend 'the naice people' as always.

Great posts/points Kungfupanda

Beaniestats

What are you talking about?

My child has never damaged anyone elses car or property

No matter what your situation, having your enjoyment of a theatre trip reduced is a small thing compared with living with disability. You will eventually get over it.

Be annoyed, be upset, by all means. But be generous.

yohoho I disagree with the way you see it, I see it differently.

Im not the only one here who sees it that way.

Me and you can agree to disagree.

The list of places that we could not go to as a family with ds2 is endless, i would like to think a panto (noisy by design)may be ok...oh well you live & learn.

Kungfu, I see your point and in an ideal world I'd agree with you.

Absolutely people should 'donate' a bit if time and tolerance to make the difficult lives of other people that little bit easier. I just don't think that it's fair to expect that at a panto, which is something that is an expensive special occasion. It's the only time many children get to experience theatre at all, and because its expensive, it will also be one of, if not the biggest family outing that some people have all year. Other children have as much right to get the most out of the experience as children with disabilities have. We shouldn't assume that children who don't have a disability have an easy life, or that their families do.

this thread is shit.
what is it with mn at shit like this.
when will people just realise that people with sn are just people.....that need more help.

If everyone of us says "I'm willing to take that hit this time", the difference to the lives of some of the people on this thread would be immense.

Whilst I agree we all need to be more tolerant. Sometimes the above isn't fair either. My parents go out maybe once a year together. For various reasons, Its an important event to them. For them to 'take the hit' would mean another year gone. Which doesn't seem a big deal, but is to them and their marriage. At their age, they don't know if they will get another year.

Everyone should try to work together, its not always possible. But we should try.

'kin right, Starfish

I should just go to these things anyway and fuck the cats bum mouth brigade.

Me and you can agree to disagree.

Except your not. you are accusing people of viewing your son as worth less than other children. Thats not agreeing to disagree.