To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

yohohoho

Would you accept a parent of a child unable to walk saying 'I wont make them attempt to walk to fit societal expectations'?

Of course you would.

It is no different.

Your neurotypical child is not the same as my autistic child, that is why my chid should not be expected to be as your child should be.

Actually amber you are incorrect. If the childs diagnosis showed that with help the child would be able to walk, I would expect the parent to do so, for the best interest of the child.

If there was no chance of the child walking, then of course the parent would notmake an attempt to make them walk.

Your neurotypical child is not the same as my autistic child, that is why my chid should not be expected to be as your child should be.

I am fully aware of that and I didn't say they should be. That is completely different to saying 'i refuse to try'. We could all do that.

Why should I try to modify my toddlers behavior when he is happy acting the way he is. Because thats what we do.

I am not suggesting you can make your son (or should want him to) appear NT. But, imo, attempts should be made to show him how to act more appropriately where possible. And in most cases it is.

And living in a society together is about compromise on all sides.

Hecate I totally see where you're coming from, terrifies me too. I know that I over-protect DS, but I do it so that I can put off, for as long as possible, the horrible day when he has to deal with people who will treat him badly simply because his brain is wired differently to theirs. It just brings out every 'mummy tiger' instinct in me.

Having said that, I do try to encourage him to act as 'normal' as possible, but even so, he is a target for nasty bullying behaviour.

'Act more appropriately'?

You mean act more neurotypical? and please dont say no, because that is what is meant by 'appropriate'

My son is appropriate, he is appropriate for an autistic person of his abilities.

Society's never going to change. People are getting WORSE not better. You only have to look how this governent is treating the vulnerable. Its not getting better. People are getting more awful about others getting help, support, cash. I wish I could see this future you see where society accepts us all but I just don't think it will ever happen. When times are tough people always have and always will turn on the vulnerable. Resent, begrudge, deny... I don't see that ever changing and it terrifies me

People will only get worse while people allow them to piss all over people with disabilities.

I will never explain and apologise for my sons behavior.

He is disabled.

TBH I don't see a future where society accepts us all, certainly not all the while people tip toe round societal expectations.

I will not hide my sons disability away, it needs bringing out in to the open.

Why should I try to modify my toddlers behavior when he is happy acting the way he is. Because thats what we do

Your toddler is not a good comparison to make go my 10 yr old autistic child who will not develope in the same way your toddler will.

YABU. Also sort out your grammar. My ds occasionally flaps and squeaks plus he is six but he still knows "we were sat" is wrong.

I truly don't think human beings as a species have the potential to change. Not enough of them and not in enough ways, regardless what we do. Maybe all that shows is what a low opinion I have of people, I don't know. But if the only way to get them to change is to expose my child to them and demand it -I'm just too scared.

amberleaf, I did NOT call your son strange and it's very unfair to pretend that I did. I said 'if someone is disturbing everyone else or behaving really strangely in public, they will get a negative reaction'.

Please don't tell lies about me or invent stories that I've attacked your son. I certainly have NOT.

Edam re read my posts after yours please.

Hecate, humans dont have to change, society does and can

Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg.
― Paul Collins

Seems appropriate.

"'if someone is disturbing everyone else or behaving really strangely in public, they will get a negative reaction'. "
Only from people too stupid to tell the difference between "strange" (i.e. not the norm) and "threatening." I wouldn't be in too much of hurry to admit to being one of these if I were you.

I have read your posts and they imply I have insulted your son. I have NOT and I am appalled that you could pretend otherwise. I agreed with you that your son has every right to a place in society. But so does everyone else - we all have to rub along together.

Behaviour that is unusual will get a reaction from strangers who do not know what the root cause is - if there is anything that can be done, any trick or technique that can be used to help a child get along in society without unintentionally provoking negative reactions, that has to be worth doing, doesn't it?

Oh FFS.

"Behaviour that is unusual will get a reaction from strangers who do not know what the root cause is - if there is anything that can be done, any trick or technique that can be used to help a child get along in society without unintentionally provoking negative reactions, that has to be worth doing, doesn't it?"

Depends how terrified you are of unusual behaviour, really. I'm not, especially; I enjoy my ds's difference from the norm and appreciate him. I wonder how people with the mindset expressed above cope when their kids end up deviating from the norm; not well, I'd guess. Glad I'm not like that.

Your assumption is that conformity is always in the best interest of the child. There are plenty of individuals who can walk but function better on wheels.

Yes but they can, and have learnt (and taught) to walk. Conformity is not always the best. But an attempt should be made so there can be the choice.

amber I think we will have to agree to disagree. There is actually a very good chance my as does have additional needs. And teach him the beat way I can.

As I have said we all need to try and accept people with sn more. But, it is my opinion, that refusing to help your child fit in with society (whenbut is possible) is wrong.

I do see your point. However we all have to conform in some situations.

I have already mentioned that I have aspergers. I would not expect everyone to change to accomadate my perception. Sometimes its appropriate for them to do so. But there are times its appropriate for me to do so.

Society is nothing more than the people within it. It won't change unless they do. I just don't think they care enough.
Generally.
Obviously there are those who care deeply, but they're outnumbered by the I'm alright jacks.
Do you truly see positive change? I would love to think that, but what I foresee is a return to institutions and the workhouse. Its scary.