To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Oh Fuck Fanjo, that counts my ds out then, he doesn't jiggle to much or really flap alot but he does hit himself, he doesnt really shout but he does cry alot not sure where that leaves us.
I suppose its OK as he uses a w/chair so he will be in his allocated bay in the corner next to the draughty exit anyway with his 1 allocated carer space.

God blue emerald you really need to scroll back and read your posts as if someone else wrote them. Disgrace

Bluemerald sorry but that is not true.
Not all behaviour can be managed.

Thanks, Starfish. I've been working with children with SN/SEN for nearly 10 years now (I started in sixth form) but haven't had much interaction with parents (most of the children I worked with get transport to and from school and their parents don't attend parents' evening and only the class teacher went to Annual Reviews). I will try and get some experience in that area.

As a parent of a disabled child, this thread is scarey!

You all seem determined to imply I dislike children who slap themselves etc. Why would I have been an LSA for 5 years if that were true? It sure wasn't for the money. It was hard, hard but incredibly rewarding work. I would have done it forever if it paid a living wage.
If you, as parents, say not all behaviour can be manageable then I believe you. None of us know if that was the case in this example though.

I'm going to leave this thread now as some posters are determined to misinterpret things and insult people. I'm sorry if I did offend anyone, I was only aiming to increase access to "normal life" for children with SN/SEN not decrease it. I just don't believe public attitude will change. Maybe I'm defeatist.

blue emerald, in a controlled planned environment my ds2's behaviour is very good, normal and predictable.
He is currently lying on the sofa with his xbox controller in hand playing a game.

Put him in a less controlled environment with factors outside of our control, particularly crowded environments where he doesnt know what is expected of him his reaction is very unpredictable. He will often become extremely anxious, distressed bting his arms, thorwing his head back & forth, growling etc. It is not always possible to modify this behaviour whilst in an unfamiliar environment.

I still think the OP should have asked for the child to be moved back rather than seethe all performance then white post it. :radical:

Yes, it is absolutely the case that not everything can be managed. If it could then why would our children with SEN need statements for extended periods of time?

My dd had 7 years of ABA and therefore behaviour modification from when she was very little (40 hours a week at the age of 3). Over the years we've worked on a lot of different things. We've tried to help her learn to function as best she can, we've tried to reduce her stimming behaviours because they stop her from learning. But the ABA consultant did not have all the answers. He could not always wave a magic wand. Sometimes we just had to let a certain 'phase' ride itself out. There was not always a solution. The reason I wanted her to do ABA was because I wanted her to be able to do and enjoy normal activities just like her sisters. But not everything has a solution.

blue, it just seems to me that you have seen SN behaviour within the confines of the school environment and all the support & strategies that go along with it.
We all know the big wide world is very different, most NT children behave very differently at school to at home often that effect is multiplied when dealing with SN children

mymatemax, that is probably very true. My brother has ASD but the majority of my experience in at school.

I was only aiming to increase access to "normal life" for children with SN/SEN not decrease it. I just don't believe public attitude will change. Maybe I'm defeatist

Don't go blueemerald, as I said I believe your heart is in the right place

Just see that this sort of thing is 'normal life' for disabled children, they really really cant change it.

The objective should be IMO to make society accept difference, not force people with disabilities into uncomfortable situations pretending to be like everyone else so that non disabled people don't feel uncomfortable with what they see.

Blue my ds is quite predictable in his special school as the environment is set up to suit his needs. If he gets distressed there is a chill out room or the ate is secure and he can run off down the field etc etc. in the real world it is of course more complex. I have been amazed at the progress my ds has made at school and some of this progress has crossed over into real life. Some behaviours have faded over time and some have gone to be replaced by new ones. It really isn't as straight forward as it might seem from a professional or school point of view. I think you are trying to look for solutions to this dc behaviour and it is possible that there may be some but maybe not or maybe not at the moment. I have also done ABA with my dd whose asd is less severe in some ways than ds. I have also found that some behaviour can be tackled and some can't. Some things she has dropped as she has got older and I think has developed more. Some things have remained and are simply part of her. In the meantime whilst we work on helping her we have to live and continue to go out sometimes and try and join in with society.

Oldpeculiar probably because my child has just as much right to access the performance as anyone else.

Whether or not it is 'spoiled' for others is entirely subjective. It's possible to not sit there staring, you know.

We'd have spent the same amount of money as anyone else. Why should we miss out?

oldpeculiar

the disablist posts have been deleted on the whole.

Exactly, Glitterknickaz

Why would you not just take the boy out rather than letting him spoil it for others?

Because on the whole it isnt spoiling it for others, its a noisy environment anyway.

Mosty people can just be a bit 'ick' about disabled people.

They dont like seeing it, they dont like it penetrating their little bubble.

also because it is likely that that will happen everytime,. so should we just stay home and not even bother?

Or should people develop a bit of tolerance?

also because it is likely that that will happen everytime,. so should we just stay home and not even bother?

Or should people develop a bit of tolerance?

It's how people ask isn't it. I find members of the public so often unnecessarily aggressive towards ds1

Eg we go to a disabled swim club which uses Tom daley's diving pool on a Sunday morning. Ds1 likes to go in that pool and he likes to go on the slides at the other end of the complex. The dive pool is screened off my a curtain but we can walk along the edges of all the pools to get there.

One Sunday we made the mistake of going when the main pool was being used for a gala. We could still walk along the pool edge but for some reason the gala organiser didn't want us to. Think it was 'his' space. So as ds1 tried to walk past he blocked the way physically and started shouting at ds1 to walk through the changing rooms. Ds1 of course didn't understand a word he was saying and tried to carry on walking. It would have been very difficult to get ds1 to walk through the changing rooms as changing rooms = home and he wanted to go to the slide. Would have been a massive meltdown. I could see ds1 getting worked up by the guy physically blocking him do I pushed him around & shouted over my shoulder that I was sorry but he didn't understand about walking through changing rooms.

It was a nasty and aggressive and totally unnecessary 2 mins. If he had spoken to me I could have explained - as it was he pushed ds1 close to a meltdown for no reason at all.

Which is why I think the OP should have done something radical like spoken to the parents. If the issue was the seat he was in that would have been easily fixed with a polite conversation.

So why do I get impatient? Because I come across people with zero tolerance for my son daring to be alive repeatedly.

oldpeculiar - the bigger a child gets the harder it becomes to just take a child out.
Imagine removing a toddler from their favourite toy without warning, they dont have the understanding for you to reson with them, they can kick & scream & lash out & cry. But fortunatly they are small enough & light enough to just scoop them up and remove them.

When a child gets older but they still have that same low level of understanding & that same reaction, but their shouts are louder, their kicks harder their punches hurt more etc, you cannot physically pick them up &^ actually it causes more disruption & can be very dangerous.

I'm not saying this is the case in this instance becuase we just don't know, but this is just one reason why the parent would or could not just remove him.