To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

morningrunner

you havent got a clue.

Morningrunner disabilist

You can slap yourself as many times as you like, it just isn't that disruptive. Flapping is not disruptive. Jiggling is not disruptive. Jumping up and down on a chair, shouting and swinging a shoe around is disruptive. I doubt his parents/siblings had a good time.

I am not saying the boy should be locked away in a castle forever and ever. I am saying he (and his parents!!) need more help and support to enable them to do more of these trips (if they want to) in the future! As many as possible. Fat chance with this (and most...) government.

I hope they delete it and they should have ages ago.

A thread with racism at its core would have been gone ages ago.

MnHq if you are reading, I personally am let down and disappointed by you

Blue stop arguing about how many times the boy hit himself. It is low

What kind of support would enable the trips? Over and above the support from a parent who is probably the most expert person to deal with any situation?

At the risk of repeating myself ad nauseam...

There is no solution to this. If children with severe disabilities are accepted as members of society then their needs will sometimes conflict with those of other people. This is because we don't live in this much quoted "ideal world". Unless you are going to suggest that there are places that people with disabilities should not be allowed then you will occasionally just have to suck it up. How you deal with this is up to you. You can either huff and puff and dwell on it, and reinforce to your own children that their treat is being "ruined". Or you can shrug and move on and think "there but for the grace of [insert whatever you believe in] goes my child."

There are no conditional members of society. People are either accepted or they are not. Not accepted with provisos. Not accepted subject to review. Accepted with tolerance and, ideally, wholehearted welcome.

If you can't do this then that is your problem. Not theirs.

So he shouldnt be locked away and not allowed to to go to a panto.

So what should happen?

Other people should learn empathy and tolerance because there will always be disabled people.

Who knows all you judgy bastards, your next child could be autistic?

It can happen to anyone.

So..you are allowed to jiggle and flap. Just not shout or hit yourself. Is that clear? Only the moderately disabled can attend the panto

Who dissected any number of anything? I misinterpreted a post.... Jeez.
'My son slapped himself at the panto' implied once to me, I was wrong.

My words stand.

Your talk of how much jiggling and flapping is acceptable is sick making

To help with what, Starfish? I hope to help, I'm doing my PGCE at the moment and I hope to work in special schools if I can find a job there (they are quite rare what with more and more SS being closed down where I live).

For god's sake, I'm thinking about the families' enjoyment! No one else, I'm not bothered about anyone else.

Blueemerald you seem to believe that all undesirable behaviour can be eliminated with teaching the parents or supporting them in some way. This is an attitude I have come across before and is simply not true. Whilst there are some things that can be improved or shaped into a more desirable behaviour, it isn't possible to do this with all behaviours.

Actually every poster and their husbands/children are one bout of meningitis or one serious road traffic accident away from being treated this way.

It could still happen to any one of you or your children. Would you or they then cease to be human and cease to have any thoughts or feelings of your own I wonder?

No? So why are our kids any different?

Um, yes, disablism is a word. There is a poster in our local police station which uses the term "disablist". It's in the Oxford online dictionary.

Trying to rubbish the terminology doesn't mean you can't be guilty of the thing it describes.

I did not, ever, use the word acceptable. Stop putting words in other people's mouths. It is incredibly rude and undermines your argument (which I mostly agree with!)

blue, on the occasions i have moved ds2's wchair to a position nearer the rest of the family some helath & safety rep staff member has appeared and told us to move him back to the allocated wchair space... my son being a fire risk and all that!

Hmm you have much to learn.

Au revoir MN

Exchange "how dark?" for "How much flapping and jiggling?" and you have some of the tone of this thread.

Telephone Conversation
by Wole Soyinka

The price seemed reasonable, location
Indifferent. The landlady swore she lived
Off premises. Nothing remained
But self-confession. "Madam," I warned,
"I hate a wasted journey?I am African."
Silence. Silenced transmission of
Pressurized good-breeding. Voice, when it came,
Lipstick coated, long gold rolled
Cigarette-holder pipped. Caught I was foully.
"HOW DARK?" . . . I had not misheard . . . "ARE YOU LIGHT
OR VERY DARK?" Button B, Button A.* Stench
Of rancid breath of public hide-and-speak.
Red booth. Red pillar box. Red double-tiered
Omnibus squelching tar. It was real! Shamed
By ill-mannered silence, surrender
Pushed dumbfounded to beg simplification.
Considerate she was, varying the emphasis--
"ARE YOU DARK? OR VERY LIGHT?" Revelation came.
"You mean--like plain or milk chocolate?"
Her assent was clinical, crushing in its light
Impersonality. Rapidly, wave-length adjusted,
I chose. "West African sepia"--and as afterthought,
"Down in my passport." Silence for spectroscopic
Flight of fancy, till truthfulness clanged her accent
Hard on the mouthpiece. "WHAT'S THAT?" conceding
"DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS." "Like brunette."
"THAT'S DARK, ISN'T IT?" "Not altogether.
Facially, I am brunette, but, madam, you should see
The rest of me. Palm of my hand, soles of my feet
Are a peroxide blond. Friction, caused--
Foolishly, madam--by sitting down, has turned
My bottom raven blackOne moment, madam!"sensing
Her receiver rearing on the thunderclap
About my ears--"Madam," I pleaded, "wouldn't you rather
See for yourself?"

bueemerald, I believe your heart is in the right place, but I think you should listen to what us parents are saying.

Not everything can be 'managed'

Cansu, in my experience I've seen that eventually the most disruptive/dangerous behaviours can be rechannelled into something else. I mean self injurious behaviour and violence mostly. I can only report my experience, I take everyone else's on board too. It is not a straight forward issue. We all know no two children are the same, and that that goes for children with autism too.

morningrunner - your posts don't sound very intelligent tbh.

It is really quite simple - if someone has a disability which causes them to display unusual behaviour, you make allowances for the unusual behaviour because they can't help it. If you're a decent person you just realise that. Dear god. And if you don't it is indeed your problem.

Perhaps you should look at the disability discrimination act?