To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

festive We have all made so many assumptions on here about the OP and the other family... can you please tell me what you really expected the Dad to do, IF the childs LD meant that attempting to remove him from the Panto may have caused a bigger scene?

Just maybe the childs reaction was not expected, one of the most difficult part of ds2's disability is the unpredictability of it all.?
MAYBE he was getting angry or aggresive feeling hemmed in next to his family, being made to sit.
Maybe he hoped sitting him on his own with space around him would allow him to calm down & enjoy the experience??

Maybe the Dad was doing the best he could do at that moment?
Maybe he wasnt, maybe he was a shit parent, shit parents have SN kids too... we just dont know?

But to make blanket judgement that the child should be moved so that those around them arent inconvenienced I think is what winds people up.

Most of us on here have said, that if possible we would not allow our children (disabled or not) to upset others.

Personally i would think as an ADULT, one of the most enjoyable things to see at a panto is the reaction of ALL the children not really whats going on on stage.

With a conspiratorial smile to the poor parent dealing with it and death stares to the cats bum mouth brigade.

This evening my son sat in a restaurant slapping himself round the face.

Who was he actually harming?
The staff know us well and didn't bat an eyelid. They're wonderful.

With a conspiratorial smile to the poor parent dealing with it and death stares to the cats bum mouth brigade

Yes that.

blueemarald ... actually jumping up and down on the chair, hitting your head with a shoe & shoe are not at all different they are just very typical behaviours of a child or adult with Learning difficulties or autism when they are not able to fully process or control sensory stimuli.

My ds will fling his head back & forth & has a high back & neck support on his wheelchair to prevent neck and head injury.

It is not something he can control any more than you or I are able to control a fit of the giggles or tears when something is sad.

Infact if he had his shoes in his hand he would probably throw them or hit himself with them.

Well said perception

oh and taking your shoes off, in fact stripping off is also common, at home ds2 is he often naked as when he is excited or upset he finds clothes irritating, he also gets very very hot.... Its all part of his brain damage

Well, exactly Amberleaf. I'm getting sick of reading 'my child has ASD and I never let them behave badly so it's down to the parenting' What this is doing is to encourage people's disablist attitudes. Please, some of you think before you post.

It is possible to work on certain behaviours, yes but a severely autistic child will always behave in ways which can look unusual because they don't think like NT people. For example, my dd came home from her dad's the other day extremely angry because she had a sore throat. I tried to persuade her to take some medicine to ease the pain but she flatly refused. She's 11 and she can't be reasoned with because she doesn't have theory of mind.

I never ever assume to be an expert on ASD except in how it affects my daughter alone.

Yeesh. I have an autistic brother, I've worked with teenagers with PMLD. I know these behaviours come from the same place. I meant in terms of expecting people to overlook those behaviours, several posters have referred to flapping or jiggling when that is not what was described. I probably wouldn't even notice jiggling but it's unfortunately unrealistic to expect people to ignore the behaviour described. Especially when accompanied with the father's reaction.

Maybe the parents thought the boy would be fine sat in front, but it didn't work out. I know that if I'd tried to move my son or leave half way through he would have been a lot nosier/violent than a bit of shouting/shoe waving. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do for the best, and yes I can see threats of bum-smacking as a desperate attempt to be seen as dealing with the situation.

Sorry Blueemerald I thought you was suggesting that flapping etc may be typical autistic behaviours but shouting hitting etc should be controlled.

Yes I agree, difficult to ignore the more extreme and challenging the behaviour but it wouldnt make me resentful of them being there as the OP & some others seem to be, i would just be pleased that the child was enjoying the Panto.
Maybe it was a good day & this was good behaviour for him :)

morningrunner... maybe he could have tried moving himslef to sit next to the child... maybe once in the Panto they realised how overstimulated he was.
Maybe his behaviour was improved by sitting him alone?

Maybe the dad didnt care?

We dont know do we?

I do know that if my 10 yr old is distressed (he doesnt get happy excited sadly) there is no way i could lift him or move hi

but I defy anyone not to be mightily pissed off when their hard-earned family treat is spoiled

But I have to accept it when my hard earned family treats are spoiled by arseholes with their stares and tuts and taking the piss out of my child.

But I have to accept it when my hard earned family treats are spoiled by arseholes with their stares and tuts and taking the piss out of my child.....which TBH happens 80% of the time.

My son has moderate/severe Autism. He is verbal & the bit that freaks people out,not only does he look normal,he's a very good looking child...a Development Pediatrician actually wrote in a report that ds was a particularly attractive child!!

My point being managing the behaviour of an Autistic person is very difficult. In public even more so. A few years ago i couldn't cope with this aspect of my ds disability but i now have the skin of a mahosive rhino...we were at Legoland last month. Dp was so stressed by the stares, i didn't see anybody looking at us!

Ds is very difficult at the moment due to Christmas holidays. He's literally barking,shouting,blinking,flapping & screeching. All due to anxiety.

I refuse to stay in the house with him&the other dc. Its his holidays as well. I will always do my upmost to not let other people be disturbed by ds behaviour. Sometimes, its just the way it is. A very close friend of mine has a ds with Cereal Palsy, she said to me a little while ago,she felt sorry for the Autistic kids & their parents as we get the dirty looks & judged. Whereas she said people were kinder to her son because of his wheel chair...
Lets turn it around if the original op had posted she'd gone to see a panto& some kid in a wheel chair was being a PITA, would people have reacted diffetently-quite possibly.

Why does it have to be all one side or the other? Surely some sort of middle ground is needed here. Everyone has the right to go to shows, restaurants etc etc but then shouldn't everyone also have the right not to have their outing spoiled, whether they be disabled, NT or anything else?

Oh yes please, do tell us where we're allowed.
You see my son also slapped himself at the panto. Again harming nobody. But oh no that's not ALLOWED is it?