To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

I might be getting it really wrong Amber, I'm trying to put myself in others position and what people might feel like around me when I am uncontrolable and I guess I am not seeing it clearly.

I was actually quite shocked when a poster said they would just be worried about me as it is not the attitude I am used to.

I was used to being moved on my own a lot in school when everyone just thought I was a bit mad, happened for years so I guess I may have become a bit confused about how everything should work.

FWIW, I have never felt in the position that someone with a disability has wrecked my night, I was trying to think of how others might feel.

The night I described last night I did note that the situation was not with someone with SN, just a twatty loud family with the mother egging them on.

For the record

THE OP WAS NOT ANNOYED AT THE PARENTS ACTIONS, SHE WAS ANNOYED AT THE 'POSS SN' CHILDS BEHAVIOR

Anyway, that's why I stopped posting as I realised I might actually be wrong and be biased and confused by my own experiences and thought on it that might not be right.

CaptChaos powerful, powerful post.

APPLAUDS.

CaptChaos

Very moving post. It makes me sad though. .

I will get my DC's to read it too.

I think panto is one of those times where kids with ASD should be allowed to be themselves; not if they aplce anyone in danger but otherwise yes.

Our council used to buy up lots of seats at the apnto showings as gifts for the disabled under sevens in the city: no idea if they still do as my youngest diagnosed child is 9 now but I remember taking my lot and getting evils from a mum at the school who thought kids with ASD should be kept hidden, just abd luck she was there but wasn't going to feel bad (and in fact ds3 is very well behaved given his diagnosis).

Also have just done a stint in something similarish as An Ugly Sister and if we get disabled kids (or adults) wanting a look around or tour they are more than welcome- in fact ds1 who has ASD was performing as Aladdin; which shows how a child who cannot attend a ms school can achieve in a different setting!

We don't get invited to parties either: ds4 is fine at school behaviour wise (withdrawn) but as soon as they found he gets help the mums stopped inviting. indeed, I heard one mum who used to be nice describing talking to me as 'standing in the lepers corner' just last week (about another Mum who had stopped to chat)- why she thought being a parent of children with SN would make me deaf I will never know but there you go. I used to get upset but I am the third dx now, frankly I just walk away and move on. I will never be teflon but I get ever closer!
Also was laughing a bit as the same woman had complimented my eclectic clothes taste as incredibly arty and stylish; yeah right, more like 'Mum has AS and can;t be bothered with wearing anything she does not like even if it is not Posh School Parents Uniform' (I don;t turn up in nasty stuff, but I do like my bright colours, and they suit me).

Anyway panto is panto; it's for kids not adults. It really, really is- it even says it in DH's university notes (stage lighting). And parents of SN kids are neither deaf not rude (by default anyhow) so you can always ask if they are obstructing your view as it can be hard to know what to do- move and annoy someone, stay out and.... well yes.

But when I am performing (carnival not panto but very similar and mostly same people) I am doing it for the kids and anyone who complains about an excited disabled kid will get short shrift from me. We get them all the time- people with a blue badge get more help, allocated areas whine whine whine- so? Good. I cam promise I switch the performance onto overdrive when I pass those areas, for a start I get a lot more crowd feedback and interaction (which is always more fun) but also it's just the decent thing. I know people always say 'but we paid to get here..' well so did we and we don't get paid to perform either, indeed it costs a bloody fortune. I do it for the kids- ALL kids- and the adults who want to join in.

Sorry- ranting there LMAO...

The night I described last night I did note that the situation was not with someone with SN, just a twatty loud family with the mother egging them on

SHRO

That would be totally different though wouldnt it? that would be down to poor behavior and ill manners.

The sort of things that my child with autism and others here would not be down to poor behavior or ill manners just a disability.

I could tell you about rude idiots that have annoyed me but it wouldnt be relevant because they were just rude!

based on your experience last night, then yes totally unreasonable, but that is not like that of a family with child with disabilities.

I can see that your experiences at school have shaped your mindset as to what should be expected etc, but I dont think that because it was bad for you in the past it should continue to be so in the future for anyone

I will never accept people with disabilities being treated like second class citizens at best and at worst being treated like shit, so I'll always be vocal about this, the longer shitty treatment is accepted the longer it will continue.

CaptChaos such a sad and moving post but one I relate to so clearly. There was a petition at my ds's infants' school to have ds removed even though he had an obvious disability (severe autism) and full time 1 to 1 support because the parents there found his presence upsetting and possibly disruptive to their children's education.
Thank God he's now at a specialist school where the sense of camaraderie between parents and staff is strong as we are all in the same boat and we don't have to put up with downright ignorance and discrimination there at least.

CaptChaos

Sadly I can relate to a lot of that.

Amber I was just trying to relate to what others might feel, I realise I have obviously severely skewed up my attempt to understand the situation.

I obviously don't believe anyone should be discriminated against because of any disability, I was just trying to see it from the other side and totally failed. I also didn't at any point think that anyone should actually be removed.

Apologies for any offence caused, it really wasn't my intention.

Thats ok SHro, I have crossed posted with you a couple of times and can see you've posted about seeing that you got it wrong.

I wouldn't have banged on other wise!

Nah, I probably deserve it.

I have a problem with taking a lot said to me as fact, I've just become aclimatised because of school I think.

See, now I just can't see why my view is seen as so abhorrently wrong here. I honestly genuinely can't.

I'm not coming at this from a perspective where I have no experience of SN, no understanding of what parents who have children with LDs have to go through. I know, from personal experience that there are a minority of bigoted twats out there.

All I have said is that everyone has equal right to enjoy a panto, and that one persons right do not trump another persons rights.

CapainChaos, I'm very sorry to hear of your experiences, I fear they are not unique. .
Well put MrsDV and kungfupanda is on fire today.

Yes. I defend the right to take my son to a regular performance. However the hassle and tuts we would get negates any pleasure for us. In most cases my ASD son wouldn't cope and would not enjoy himself due to sensory processing issues.

Think about that, have a child and not be able to show them the world. And instead of sympathy (not that I am soliciting it) we get judged wherever we go. He suffers on a daily basis. He did not choose to be autistic. I'd just like a bit of empathy and understanding from folks who should be capable of it.

Well Festive, a lot of people disagree with you thank God.
If one person displays excitement by stimming as a direct result of their disability, it does not mean that they should never be allowed to get excited in the presence of others.
That would be discriminatory.

Festive you have had it explained to you over and over and over again,

Yet you still can't understand it

Mrs D,

I have seen a grown man shouting at an usher and a lady in a wheelchair because he felt she had a better view!

Oh and one of my children is currently in the wardrobe refusing to come out because a delivery driver knocked on the door instead of using he bell.

Festive my own son with autism attends a specialist school alongside children with profound difficulties because of autism and SLD. My son whose own autism is considered severe but who has no LD's finds the noises and the behaviours of some of his schoolmates difficult to cope with but you know what? the school are teaching him that his needs do not supersede the needs of his classmates and he is learning tolerance and understanding of their difficulties. I would say if he can manage this then your child could be taught the same tolerance and understanding and Joe Public should practise it too as a matter of course.

I don't need to use the wardrobe, my only concern is he's taken the cat and a goldfish in with him.