To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

I'd have to work round it too threesocks. But apparently, if my child was removed from the theatre because of a symptom of his disability, I would be being disablist against him.

I think this is going to have to be an 'agree to disagree' thread.

I'd be more concerned for you than any special event I'd saved up for in that scenario Schro.
I certainly wouldn't allow something you couldn't help to spoil my night. I'd want to help and know you were okay.

Maybe I just have strange expectations from school then.

festive....I didn't say I would remove my dd.
why would I.
I would speak to staff and ask to be moved.
no one should have to leave.
unlike the op of this thread who seems to have left

I didn't say you would remove your dd, but if my son was becoming distressed because of someone else's behaviour, I'd have no choice but to remove him if there were no other spare seats that could accommodate our whole family.

Festive. You said my DD cant go to the theatre unless I can make her quiet. I can't.

FWIW I don't even take her to the bloody theatre. And am always trying to shush the poor girl. You would think me very considerate

But it is my choice and not for you or others to dictate where she should go or when she should be removed.

Not a 'weird agenda' is it?
No weird agenda here.

To suggest the segregation of others due to behaviour caused by a disablity which they cannot help is disablist.

To remove your own child is your own choice.

festive I don't get what you want people to say.
no one persons sn trumps another.
if you choose to remove your child fine.
but no one should dictate who can or cannot go to a pantomime.

fanjo, it is a shame we are not near each other. my dd would adore yours. and we would have safety in numbers

I think Fanjotime has explained the difference well, Festive.

Again. The choice of a parent to remove their child because they are distressed is an entirely different matter to being compelled to remove a child enjoying themselves due to the bigotry of another.

I had kind of come back to MN despite the disablist attitudes and MNHQs ongoing unwillingness to address disablism. Now I've read this thread and have been totally shocked at the attitude of entitled posters like Festive et al. Very very sad. I am 'lucky' - my ds has complex disabilities, but no learning disabilities or behavioural issues so he is an 'acceptable' presence in your little bubble world. But your attitudes make me run a mile from you. We are all created equal, including those of us who are unable to behave themselves in the way you feel entitled to expect. Your lack of tolerance is eye watering. Worse, you believe you are tolerant because you are nicely nicely outlining the kinds of behaviour that you feel able to tolerate. So you get to decide who can enjoy the panto. How lovely. Well that's me off again then. Thanks.

I doubt it Starfish, though I would love you to be right.

Mmm, I'm still reading. Feeling kind of sick and ashamed at the upset caused. I didn't think the situations through fully and I'm sorry for my part in hurting people. I've never been deleted before and I'm not proud of myself. I will be trying much harder to put myself in others shoes in future.

Op, because your posting enabled you to be educated about a subject and you have learnt to be more aware of issues, then its not been wasted

It would be nice if others on this thread had the same willingness to do so.

I am in awe of kungfu's eloquent and articulate explanation of her position.

Excellent.

It started when DS was little and we were recommended a mums and tots group, as they had had disabled children there before, and we got tutted at because DS made footling noises during the sing song, which 'disturbed the other children' so we didn't go back.

Then at nursery, which had a specialist unit for children with ASD, a parent told me that she didn't like her son playing with 'that disabled boy' because he had 'taught her son to flap his hands when he got excited', so we didn't go back

At school, a group of parents tried to start a 'petition' because the TA (funded by DS's statement I might add) wasn't spending enough time with their children. The TA also didn't remove DS from the classroom when he made his noises or flapped or hid under the table when the stress of being tutted at by all and sundry got too much, which was wrong. DS ended up being taught on his own, by a TA who had had no ASD training, in a corridor because he was disturbing the other children with his noises. so we didn't go back.

Another school; paid for DS to go on a whole year trip, paid extra for the TA to go too. The morning of the trip, they refused to take him, as his behaviour had distressed one of the parents, the school had done a second risk assessment, and decided he wasn't worth the risk, so we didn't go back. (Didn't get the money back either, but that's what DLA is for, isn't it?)

At church, asked not to leave DS at Sunday School, as the other children were upset by his hand flapping, so we didn't go back.

Never invited to parties, never getting Christmas cards when the class mail boxes are opened (we didn't think he'd mind!), tears and pain and isolation, because no one ever sees my adorable, funny and beautiful boy, they just hear the noises, or see the odd behaviour and judge and judge and judge.

I'm hiding this awful thread now, because it upsets me how narrow minded people are about who's enjoyment is more important. Rest assured however, that I will train my DS to sit quietly at the back of the bus, never sit at the lunch counter, not drink from the same water fountain, and never ever go somewhere where he might upset the naice normal people.

Manicinsomniac

I can only speak for myself, but the upset is worth it to me as it has made you think differently.

Good of you to post that.

CBA to scroll back and copy and paste, but SHRO your posts have really shocked me.

Not quite sure why I thought you would be more tolerant? oh well.

Being disabled does not make it OK for someone to jump up and down in front of someone else and shout and hit themselves on the head with a pair of shoes for a whole performance! Pantomime or otherwise

Does not make it ok? but its what they do ok so being disabled is not ok in public. Right.

I really don't understand how it is disableist to be annoyed about this

It is disablist, because it is not something they can change, it is not something they have any control over.

So to discriminate against someone because of it is disablist.

CaptChaos that is the saddest post I have read x

Feltypants I hope BOTH your DS's have a wonderful time at the theatre.
And I really hope this thread hasn't put you off going.

Sadly many people are incapable of placing themselves in other people's shoes.

For those who have been upset by this thread, I really feel for you. Please take a deep breath, swear, make a cup of tea... Not everyone feels this way. Just a few mouthy twats.

And for the people arguing with the parents of SN kids... Really? This is the argument you want to have? I would say more to you but I'd probably get deleted.