To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Yes Starfish, people are saying that. That's what is being said when people say that it is disablist to suggest that someone who is ruining an experience for others should be removed from a theatre.

Its so hard being NT

They might have saved all year but so are the people who haven't been able to enjoy it at all!

I am not talking about a "bit of noise and flapping", I am talking about loads of noise and jumping around constantly so the people behind cannot see at all and no one even attempting to calm them.

It's not just about being NT Fanjo, see my earlier posts about my child with ASD who would become distressed at having disruptive behaviour going on around him.

It's a shame that your holier than thou attitude only extends to people who have ASD experiences like your own.

How many NT people have 'suffered' as a result of someone's disability at a performance or other special event? Hold on while I get my box of tissues ready.

Festive I fit into 4 different examples that you gave of people going to the theatre.

I'd still be considered disablist on this thread though.

Ridiculous, isn't it Schro. Apparantly I'm disablist too, despite having a child who has autism.

I think I may have been more distracted by your cat's bum face than by a child participating in a panto.

I don't think it's disablist to think there is a limit the tolerance that should be expected of others around you.

" Each situation must be judged on its own merit, with kindness and consideration, surely."

That's what I have been meaning, I just haven't been able to get it across well.

I really wonder how festive will feel if her son is ever enjoying something and some twunt demands they leave. ..

Well Festive it's quite clear you don't speak for us all.

There is a vast difference between making the decision not to attend an event as it would cause your child distress and feeling compelled to not attend something your child would enjoy due to the bigotry of others.

You have Starfish, but others haven't yet considered the possibility that autistic behaviours can be very distressing to others with autism.

I agree that each situation should be considered with kindness, but some posters don't seem to want to consider the fact that the disruptive behaviours that they think have a right to be present in a theatre may well be genuinely upsetting to other children.

I have as much right to point out my sons needs as any other parent has to point out their child's needs.

If someone demanded my child leaves because he is autistic, then I would consider them to be a twat. If someone demanded my child leaves because of his behaviour, I'd be upset, but I'd consider that I probably shouldn't have put myself or my child in that situation in the first place.

And Glitter, no I don't speak for 'us all'. But then nor do you.

A panto wouldn't cause my child distress. A child jumping up and down and hitting himself in from on him would cause him extreme distress.

He can understand that in theatres there will be loud noises coming from the stage. He can't understand that people might behave in a disruptive manner because of a disability. The same way he finds it hard to grasp that someone who has legs might not be able to walk.

Yes..like when Festive said my child could go to a cafe but not the theatre.

I completely agree with that Starfish.

I'm arguing this like a dog with a bone because it worries me that society will end up with a perception that all disabled people expect to be able to do whatever they want whenever they with no consideration of the effect that might have for anyone else. I don't know how I can expect my son to be treated with consideration if people believe that he (or I as his parent) wouldn't do the same for them.

I don't want him to be considered just because he's disabled and therefore entitled to it. I want people to see that he has difficulties but that he also has a lot to offer as well. I don't want him to be avoided by people for fear that if they expect don't do what he wants/needs all the time then they will be seen as disablist.

I didn't say that Fanjo. You are twisting my words to suit your own weird agenda, while ignoring other very valid points that I have made, even when they are responding directly to you.

Of course a bit of noise and flapping is easily over looked and you'd be a jerk to point it out but we're talking about 'jumping up and down on the seat in front, shouting loudly for sweets, flapping arms, banging his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him'

I think FestiveElement's point is a good one. If her child with ASD is distressed by another child with ASD's behaviour, then what?

Okay, lets look at it from a different perspective?

If something happens around me that is too much, like someone starting to touch me that I don't know or a really loud noise I am not expecting or someone acting violent near me. I will sometimes not be able to take it and freak out, I might cry or hyperventilate or act 'strange'. I can't control it and while it doesn't happen often, I have in the past completely blacked out and not remembered a thing, I have also become violent when I have blacked out.

I would expect if this happened in public then people might want to move me. I accept this and it happened a lot in school and college as well.

I take it, it would bother none of you if I acted like this around you or your kids when you have saved up and paid to see something?

"You have Starfish, but others haven't yet considered the possibility that autistic behaviours can be very distressing to others with autism."
my dd does not have ASD but is disabled.
she could get upset by a child with ASD's behaviour.
I would have to work round it as her sn does not trump theirs.