To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

I actually think that all these accusations of 'disablist' are damaging to people with disabilities.

When you do something as ridiculous as call someone disablist because they just want to enjoy a show they have paid a lot of money to see, then you are actually making it harder for people with no experience of disability to know how to react when they are faced with a difficult situation involving a disability. It could make someone with no experience less likely to be kind, understanding and tolerant, because even when they do all of those things they are going to be called disablist by some just because they want to do something as harmless as enjoy a show they have come to watch.

You are expecting them to put someone elses child ahead of and above their own, and then justifying it by saying that your life is harder than theirs so they should suck it up. Yet you have no idea about their lives, no idea how big a special occasion a trip to the panto is for them, how difficult it has been for them to get there, but you want them to consider all of this things on your behalf.

It saddens me that so many people that are fighting so hard on this thread for the rights of children to be included, yet children like mine, who would not be able to tolerate certain behaviours because of his own autism are given no thought whatsoever.

I am all for inclusion, but I think disregard for anyone else to the point where it's ok to spoil their experiences is detrimental to that cause.

i do think it was odd to move the child to sit alone, however!

Maybe the dad thought giving him more space would reduce sensory overload & stimming? We dont know.

Maybe the family were suprised just how excited the child was by the eperience? We dont know

Maybe leaving him to jump & shout was the least disruptive of options. We dont know?

Maybe the Dad knew that trying to remove him would cause greater disruption? We dont know

If i had been the OP'S PARTNER (AN ADULT) I would of found the child off putting (despite living with my severly disabled son 24/7) but I would hope i would be THE ADULT and realise that really in the grand scheme of things its not that fecking improtant.
The kids ALL enjoyoyed themselves ffs

YES actually festivelelment thats EXACTLY what my NT ds1 has to do often... put other peoples enjoyment ahead of his own.
We are often in situations with his disabled brother or friends disabled children where my NT son is asked to step aside and let them have a go/experience something/let them win to experience what success looks like the list goes on.

I'm not sure what that does to "society" but it is certainly helping tho shape my NT 12 yr old son in to a kind considerate young man who will consider the needs of others alongside his own

I'm sad to read this OP.

My son has autism and can flap, jiggle and make noises. We cannot take him to the theatre in case of this happening.

We cannot shop, holiday or have days out like 'normal families'. It's like grieving on a daily basis. However, I would not inflict this other people who have paid good money for events.

There are special performances for ASD folk at the cinema and there are a few in the West End theatres too. But too few and far between. I would personally prefer to take my son to performances where he can be himself without spoiling other's experience so we didn't attract attention and I don't get judged.

I'd like to think that a solution could be found so that both children could enjoy the experience too Starfish, but I think it's very easy to say that and a lot harder in reality.

One solution could be that the children were moved away from each other, but in a full theatre with no spare seats, it's unlikely that's going to be possible, even with the best will in the world.

I do understand that it can be very difficult to 'lead a semblance of a normal life when you have a disabled child and have this consideration front of mind before making judgements or assumptions'. I really do.

Yet according to MN and people on this thread, I am still considered disablist if I want my children to see and hear a show without being disturbed by someone else's behaviour.

I should make it clear that I am not so intolerant that I would be bothered by a small amount of noise and movement, but what is described in the OP isn't only a small amount of disruption, and there are people on this thread saying that they would allow their child to disrupt others to any extent if its because of something their child can't help. I just don't think that's right. I don't think people can expect consideration if they are not prepared to show any.

I am meant to be taking a sanity break from MN.

But my situation right now is just so apt.

We are in a cafe and DD who is 6 and has severe autism is shouting and banging table. People look annoyed.

I cannot stop her without physically restraining her. No matter how much consideration I have for others.

Should we leave out of consideration for others and eat in car?

Should we sit separate from others?

No, because that would be utterly unfair and disablist.

It is not about people with disablities having consideration for others if that consideration means they have to miss out and be treated like second rate people.

People who advocate making "them moderate their behaviour" please give me tips now on how the hell to do it

So we are allowed in a cafe but not a theatre?

What a disgusting point of view

Can I have a list of where I can't take my DD?

Thank you. You have illustrated disablism beautifully now on the thread. I rest my case.

My NT son started to scream and cry at the top of his voice at the pantomime because he absolutely hated it from the start.....I tried for 10 minutes to calm him down then I took him out because he was ruining the show for the people behind who were trying to watch it and enjoy it.

I wouldn't expect anyone to remove any child for a small amount of noise but when it spoils the enjoyment of those around then I would think it only courteous. Those people have paid good, maybe hard-earned money, to take their children to see a show and they deserve to be able to see it.

I don't think that attitude makes me in any way disablist.

Yes cos thats the same

There must be a variety of definitions of disablism then. But considering its a term that I have heard nowhere in real life, only ever on MN despite being fully involved in the SN community, that doesn't surprise me.

Sorry starfish..I x posted..was addressing ladymariner :)

aren't the audience expected to make a lot of noise and move about in a panto?

In every panto I've been to there have been children of all ages wiggling about and making noise throughout.
That's what happens in shows designed for families surely?

In the panto that we saw recently, the actors reacted to the many random noises made by the children in the audience with a bit of ad lib - it was inclusive and we all felt part of the show. The actors didn't seem to mind at all that children were being noisy - in fact they encouraged it.

I'm sure the actors would rather have an audience of children participating in whatever way they can than an audience of stony faced adults.

No it's not a disability competition but it's a bit ridiculous to say 'well my friend with Tourette's does this' when are talking about people with severe learning disabilities.

I would go to special cinema viewings if we had any, but i'm not driving 2 hours there are back for them. I'm a big fan of separate sessions for ds1 - it means we don't have to run the gauntlet of the tut tut brigade (who are always more of a problem than ds1), but as I said before whilst I will minimise his impact on people I won't tell him off or apologise when he is just being disabled.

Lady - would you have removed him if he was squealing with excitement? I remove ds1 from situations if he is upset, but not if he is just noisy (bearing in mind we don't go anywhere being noisy actually matters).

Absolutely not.
But by the same token that it would be totally unfair to do that then why is it fair to expect other people's enjoyment to be ruined?