To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

kitty what is your view on the situation I describe. I really don't want to get hung up on arguing about bold! I guess I am a bit frustrated that you haven't actually said what your view is.

I am taking my son with asd to the panto today,I will not hide my son,make him conform,change who he is for anyone,but he sits on the end of the row and I sit beside him.

Can I say again because it gets lost in the acrimony on here..

Odeon cinemas do relaxed screenings for people/children with asd or other conditions that make regular screenings difficult.
Obviously it isn't the answer but it is a help.
And it illustrates that whilst people can be unhelpful and unsympathetic, society might be starting to budge a bit in terms of understanding.

Our theatre had a relaxed performance of the panto this year too.

Cansu - check your local cinema before you dismiss the idea of taking him.

Why are people comparing disabilities? it's not a "I know someone with worse disabilities then your friends" competition.

Every disability is hard for the person who has it and their family no matter what it is!

No unfortunately Pagwatch they don't. There is one in the next town that does once a month but they tend to put on a film for older dc not Disney unfortunately! Also it is in centre of town with no easy parking and waking ds through town would be stressful and we near to be near the car in case he refuses to walk or gets distressed and anxious.

But surely this thread would not even be here if the family in question had not moved their son away from them, directly into the OP's field of view. And then not moved with their son (apparently there were only 2 free seats, which meant they were moving their son to sit directly next to someone anyway)

I do find this an odd move on the family's part. They had no idea who they were sitting their son next to (not in a peeeeeedo, clutch pearls kind of way) and therefore no idea whether it would be ok (from their son's point of view)

And given the boy was either highly excited (good, the whole point of going ) or maybe a bit overwhelmed, then surely it would have been a good idea to have an exit strategy? I know we always do when we take dd1 anywhere.

Yes, the people around have to accept a certain level of disruption (both as it is a pants and because of disability) but I do find it odd that if the boy had found it all too much there was no way of his family getting him back out.

The situation as set out in the OP does feel a bit as though the parents were abdicating responsibility. I wouldn't deliberately move my very predictably behaved dd2 to sit away from me for a couple of hours, let alone my dd1 - dd1 is ok in a theatre and knows what to expect bt even a small comment from someone next to her can be a trigger for her behaviour to escalate and that is something I won't expose her to, certainly not without me or dh to mediate.

Thats a shame Cansu.

I wish the screenings/performances were better advertised though. I didn't know our panto had one until the school contacted us.

The irony is that ds2 finds a relaxed screening harder. He wants everyone to sit down and be quiet.

cansu
Parents of ASD DC must feel like they do all of the fitting in around others. People don't show much tolerance. People don't always make allowances when they could.
In the OP's case, we don't know what the child's situation was. If the child was ASD, this theatre trip caused stress for everyone: the parents constantly shushing, the child constantly getting told off and the people behind who were being disturbed. I feel most sorry for the child who shouldn't have been put in that horrible situation.

Well I'm taking my dd with autism to a panto tonight because she is a child and deserves to have the experiences that every other child enjoys. I'm reasonably confident that her behaviour won't impinge on anyone else's enjoyment (by booking early and getting seats on the aisle etc) but to be honest at a pantomime I'd expect people to suck up a bit of flapping, clapping and whooping anyway it's hardly the Royal Ballet at the end of the day.
Of course I will do my best to ensure dd doesn't disturb anyone else (she hasn't the last six times we've been) but I have to say I would advise anyone complaining to me to go and move elsewhere tbh because I will definitely not be moving nor threatening dd with a smack on her bottom.

starfish You have no idea.

It sounds though kitty like the dc was enjoying the panto from the description in the op. so why would you say they shouldn't have been there?

The thing is about special viewings is its ok for dipping your toe in etc but with children who copy behaviours and take their cues from others it can make the situation worse if you see what I mean

Zzzz

Of course they are not the only answer. But they are a welcome addition. And for some children they may be the answer.
If a child is happy and comfortable at a relaxed performance then that is not a lesser experience than a regular screening - its not substandard or part of a learning curve before they can 'achieve' being part of a regular audience.

I believe inclusion is the aim right up to the point that the child gets the most out of it. Ds is at special school. That is not a lesser experience, a toe in the water of a regular education. It is the optimum education for him.

We go to special cinema screenings, and DS enjoys them.

I know he wouldnt enjoy the regular screenings at our local multiplex - there are too many people, he doesnt like the dark and the noise would be too much for him. At the ASD friendly screenings they have the volume lower, they dont turn the lights out and children are free to move about freely.

We go for him, not to 'save' people in the regular screenings.

We have been to the theatre - to see Chris and Pui and Peppa Pig. He was excited, handflapping and squealing, but then so were 95% of the children there.

Anyway - have to go.
We are taking all the children to Twickenham.

If you ever want to take your dc into a supportive, non judgemental environment I can recommend rugby crowds. 12 years - never had a single problem and the guys near our regular seats bring sweets for DS2 now. Harlequins gave us free tickets for him during the early years when he sometimes couldn't sit out a whole match.

I think the real world isn't as bad as threads like this make us feel.

Pagwatch I think you explained it better than me. For some children special school is a toe in the water and they can be slowly introduced back into mainstream. For some, like my DS, it's where he needs to be all the time. This really does depend on the severity of the disability and the individual needs of the child.

A bit like sensory rooms and play areas. DS cannot go to play areas, too much noise and people. But the sensory play areas (which are ridiculously expensive) are perfect for him. But some children are ok with a bit of both.

You really can't judge a child's needs you don't know. It's up to the parents to do that.

Also people with SN are a part of our community and should be included without judgement.

The thing is if someone with a wheelchair was slowing down a line no one would complain now, hopefully this will eventually be the case with people with invisible disabilities. The more it's made unacceptable for people to have opinions like that in the OP

Sure zzzzz

Good luck. Arn't shreddies a bit like teeny waffles....

I think the biggest problem with intolerance of others is due to cost.

I hate going to the cinema spending £50 for the pleasure of taking my family in, and then having crucial points of the film missed, due to chattering teenagers, or someone's mobile going off, or anything else occurring such as a chid screeching.

This has nothing to do with whether the individual is disabled or not, my viewing experience that I have spent an awful lot of money to go to has been ruined as the plot was missed and therefore I avoid going to the cinema and wait for the film to come out to view at home.

I presume the Op feels the same way as the price is mentioned, she has spent £100+ for a couple of hours entertainment, this is a lot of money and she wants to enjoy the experience she has paid for, not be distracted by another person's behaviour.

As others have said it would be the dad talking/threatening that would be annoying me more than the child not sitting still.