To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Zzz I think the view is more, it's ok to be disabled so long as it doesn't impinge on anyone else's life.

Everyone disabled or not, should think of others and not just themselves. In an ideal world.

Kitty I don't really understand why you are putting some of your words in bold? Plus I can see you think it hilarious to point out that your friend was not offended but someone may have been so wind your neck in and calm down. Or is that too patronising?

No, I think you were up on your high horse looking down at the poor easily offended, supersensitve disabled person who never talks about his disability, heaven forbid it is laughed about

People step around that point but won't actually come right out and say it, even though it is the natural consequence of what they are saying the parents ought to do in any given situation.

I'd like to know whether people actually, genuinely believe that, or if they are struggling with the fact that this is an unresolvable problem and finding themselves conflicted, ie accepting that disabled children have a right to pleasure and enjoyment, but not quite willing to accept that that might mean concessions on their part.

At the very least, those with spreadsheets can then update them!

I genuinely struggle with these threads. I keep coming back to the maths of it. Children with disabilities are in the minority - most people will be "inconvenienced" by someone's SN maybe once or twice in their lifetime. But everywhere disabled people go, they are surrounded by NT people, so if those NT have a right not to have their lives disrupted, the disabled person will never, ever get to enjoy anything. Surely most people could accept one spoiled treat in their whole life so that a disabled child can come a little bit closer to enjoying the things everyone else takes for granted?

It's like the buggies/wheelchairs on buses threads. People always say "well there'll be another bus - why can't the wheelchair wait for the next one?" But buggies outnumber wheelchairs by a factor of about 50 to 1, so if the wheelchair user will always finish up waiting and waiting if they don't get priority, whereas a buggy user might only have to give up their space once or twice in their entire use of a buggy.

I believe it is the responsibility of the majority to make changes to include the minority. Because it's the right thing to do and because it doesn't really involve that much sacrifice, not if everyone makes a concession once or twice in their lifetime.

cansu
This makes a word stand out.
You are entitled to your opinion but the easily-offended are getting ridiculous.

Easilybored Sensible post. If this thread has made one person stop and think, at least it has achieved something. My son is 5, most probably ASD, waiting for diagnosis. It's a disability that creeps up on you, we thought everything was fine but gradually new behaviours emerge and what you might think of as naughty behaviour to begin with, starts to become apparent your child can't help it and is struggling. I have never take my son to the cinema or theatre. I simply daren't. Partly because I don't know how he will react or cope. But mainly because if he does react badly I know how we will be treated/regarded. I would love to try. I also have a 9 year old son who is a lovely, well behaved boy - because he does not have a disability. They both have the same parents! I was at a park once any my younger son was being quite difficult so I distracted him away from where some other kids were playing with my older child. Some of the parents were making very loud comments about good manners and behaviour and pointedly looking over in my direction, not realising that my older child was mine. When it was time to go, I popped over to get him and he very politely said goodbye and thank you for playing with me. The other parents were genuinely flummoxed and open mouthed that he was mine. I would have loved to have explained to them but I was so emotional and upset I left without a word. The dad in the theatre quite possibly felt this way. The trouble is, disability should be included, but I regularly find myself not including him. It's such a complex thing, please anyone reading this try to stop and understand.

starfish: kitty you are quoting the viewpoint of one independent, adult person with a minor disability.
No, not minor. Not independent. You are showing zero understanding of the nature of some disabilities.

It is absolutely up to anyone with a disability to choose how they view/talk about their own situation. But someone with a disability has no more right to apply their own choices and views to someone else with a disability then a non-disabled person does.

If someone chooses not to attend particular events because of an aspect of their disability then that is up to them. That doesn't mean that their way of doing things should be applied to other people with completely different needs, or that parents of children with SN should be told "well x person would do it this way so you should too."

Some children will never be able to "think of others" so they will never be able to make those sort of choices.

zzz it must be exhausting being so shocked and offended all the time

There are lots of mentions about society changing on this thread, but perhaps we need consider how that can be actioned/encouraged on a wider level rather than getting at individuals.

A poster up thread mentioned their theatre had panto sessions designed to make it a bit easier for people with SN to enjoy the performance.

Our local cinema (very small, not particularly 'with it' town) offers showings aimed at children on the autistic spectrum. It's not aimed at segregating these children, but at allowing them to enjoy the experience and be more comfortable with it - the seats are spaced out, sound volume a bit lower, lights not completely dimmed etc.

Obviously it's a very difficult line to tread, but perhaps more of this, whilst also making people welcome at main showings of course, would help and allow parents to make a decision that would best suit their individual child.

kungfu Agree totally. You are spot on.

... it works both ways.

Kitty I am not easily offended but actually if I was asked to take my severely autistic ds out of a panto because he was jumping up and down and flapping then yes I would be offended and very upset. Do you have any useful comments to add about this particular OP? thanks for clearing up what bold type is. If its for highlighting important words then use it for the important ones. I didn't understand why you had chosen those particular words.

Kittyfane - Tourette's is nothing like severe autism & learning disabilities. You do realise that don't you?

It's a bit like saying 'well that person over there is getting on with it with a limp so I don't know why that fucker needs a wheelchair, entitled idiot'.

Comparing my son (non-verbal in teens, SLD's) with Tourette's is somewhere beyond bonkers.

The child in the OP sounds more like my child than s/o with Tourette's.

All rather depressing really, I really had thought we might be able to do the panto one day.

Ah well.

zzz Ditto.
cansu have I suggested you take you son out of the theatre? I don't think I have. Also I can't believe my choice of text is really having such an impact on your reading experience are you just trying to pick on something? That's not nice.

saintly No, I'm not comparing directly with ASD. My friend's disability impacts physically mainly. We had been talking about the impact his movements have as others had talked about flapping.

I have 2 dd's with ASD, if i took dd2 to a panto she would either hide under the seat or jump up and down flapping, the more i try to stop her stimming the more she would stim. TBH i would not take her to a panto unless there was a area we could sit that would not disrupt other people (but i probably still wouldn't bother as she would not enjoy it.

I can see why op was anoyed (its a lot of money to spend on a trip out only for it to be ruined) but i also think he had a right to be there and a right to have fun, his parents should have thought it through a bit more before taking him (where they should sit etc..).

starfish You really have no idea. How dare you call it a minor disability?!! So only disabilities that affect the brain or kill you are serious? You are joking?

Movingonnow your post really rang bells with me especially the sentence 'disability should be included but I regularly find myself not including him" this is what I also find. One of the reasons is that I fear other people's reactions. We also wanted to take our ds to the cinema as he loves to watch Disney films but we are scared that he might get distressed or even just flap and make noise like in this Op and that others will complain or ask us to make him leave. So we don't go. It is really incredibly sad, as it may be something he can enjoy that he won't experience. The older he gets the less activities are suitable or accessible for him. The attitudes of some on this thread confirm my fears are actually justified. I hope that I will be able to be more daring as he gets older as I feel more and more that I should be able to stand up to people like the Op and others. I also think that some people forget as Starfish says that for some parents life is just too bloody hard to face people who are judging them as well.