To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

OK, not sure if I should post but I'm going to....

DS has an ASD. He can be very loud, he can be very hyper, he sounds arrogant a lot of the time and he talks a lot. He often syas ro does things that are obviously not NT.

As a child I was raised to not be seen. I was bullied at school for being 'weird'. I worry all the time about what people think of me and my children. I don't want to be 'seen' by society because I don't 'fit in'.

When I am out and about with DS I have to fight all the time with my inner voice which cringes at things DS does as it means people will 'see' us and then they will judge. Sometimes this leads to me getting very stressed and then I get panicy and shouty and get cross with my DS - maybe the dad in the situation was feeling like this? I 'freeze' and can't think what else to do other than to carry on with what I was doing........

I wouldn't have taken DS to the panto because to him it would be torture. (To me too actually - love theatre, never happier than when on the stage, but panto gives me the heebie geebies.)

I love my DS and I hate that I am so scared of whta society thinks of me that I get cross with him for being him. It is like there is a little voice in my head repeating 'son't be seen' all the time. I often have to act a part to get through the day.

Is it really terrible to tell a parent that you can't see/hear the show because of their child? And is it so terrible to remove a disruptive child?
I don't understand? I thought it was common courtesy?

Hang on a minute, I have not read the entire thread but I'm amazed at the comments to Fantastifanjo (apologies if spelt incorrect) spending £100 for a day out with her family to have it ruined by the PARENT of asd child ( note I said parent)is totally wrong. We don't work our bloody arses off to take family out to sit and be expected to suck it up because it just so happens a child with extra needs is there. The child's father should not have plonked him in front of op's child, the child's father should not have spent time telling him off and no I wouldn't have said anything either because what can you say?? But I do expect self awareness and he must have bloody known that placing the child on the seat was now affecting ops child's viewing? Why is that ok?? I recently went to ice age on ice and the child in the seat behind my son was allowed to put his feet on the top of my sons chair and keep pushing it to the point where my son was getting upset. I looked at the mother a number of times who then pathetically said "put your feet down honey" Did he hell as like. If it wasn't that, he was talking/whining all the way through the show. It's bloody annoying when you have looked forward to something (and paid a fair amount) to have it ruined by parents who don't give a shit about those around them so no op YANBU.

I have nothing against anyone with special needs by the way, child or adult. If you knew me you would realize what a silly assumption that is.

No, not common courtesy Endorphins. Disablist apparently

My sibling has ASD and we often seat on the end,

however you sound a bit judgey, pantos are meant to be rowdy.

I have never been to one. Are they especially for children then? That changes the scenerio somewhat.

YANBU and some of the posts above show just how ignorant some other parents can be! Unfortunately parents with attitudes such as this have little regard for the effects of their offsprings' behaviour, whether asd or non asd.

Pantos are aimed at families, so they are designed for both adults and children. I wouldn't say they are rowdy, but they are interactive and there is audience participation. But that just means that the audience is encouraged to respond to a few lines throughout the show, not that they are invited to be noisy all the way through it.

If that disruption is as a direct result of a symptom of a disability that cannot be moderated because it is a symptom rather than wilful bad behaviour.

Then no it's not common courtesy and saying they should remove the disabled person because of a symptom of that disability is disablist

This thread interested me because on Sunday I will be taking my ASD child to a panto and basically i know he will hate it.

But here is the full story:

The trip is with a charity for SN children
We will be bringing a coach load of shouty flappy crazy kids with all kinds of SN, learning disabilities et
The theatre is a big city one so the vast majority of families will be 'normal' and have paid a lot of money
My ASD son will LOVE the trip on the motorway there and back
My 'normal' son will love the panto and misses out on so much of 'normal' childhood because of his brother
I'm a lone parent - my husband ran off with another woman - so I can't just take one
Every single day I walk a tightrope between giving my kids a balanced upbringing and cringing at the feelings of others.

I can't really comment on your situation at the panto I wasn't there but it's made worry a lot about Sunday and hope nobody freaks out at 'the weirdos on the bus'.

The thing is when disability is not easily visible it throws up different issues - my mates son has Downs Syndome and although she gets the 'oh poor thing' crap (he has a wonderful happy life!) and people staring and calling her brave, they are also more understanding when he steals their cake or puts them in a headlock!

Balancing the needs of a family exhausts me - even more do when I weigh up the needs of society as well - sometimes I think I am a bit selfish - because I have nothing left to give.

Op what a horrible thread to start, well done on making lots of people feel rubbish, YABVVU!

Festive.

Because a disabled person has just as much right to enjoy a performance, and to say they shouldn't be able to do so because of a symptom of there disability ( something they cannot control) is disablist.

Not accounting for a persons disability is discrimination.

By saying a disabled person should either have to leave or should not be able to enter solely based on a symptom of there disability is just the same as saying " you are not welcome because you are disabled"

Does that make it a bit clearer?

honey - but that is is the point. sometimes with children (or adults) with SN you just cannot manage their behaviour and they cannot control it themselves. that is why it is called a disability.

to suggest this boy should have been taken out because if his disability is just awful - and disabelist.

so you are saying that children with SN who display behaviours as described by the OP should not attend a panto as matter of courtesy to others? crikey!

and we are talking about a panto which is
a totally different thing from an opera.

So are you saying that jumping up and down on your seat and calling out loudly are acceptable in the middle of a theatre performance?

it was a panto not a shakespeare and assuming that the boy had SN which caused his behaviour. so yes, under these circumstances would find it acceptable.

My son has ASD and after years of society not accepting his disability, tutting and verbally saying sort your kid out ect. I don't give a flying fuck what people think.

He can not learn social situation if he is removed every time.

are you saying someone with SN should not attend theatre if his/her disability could possibly inconvenience the rest of tge audience?

Honey. I will say the things that over the years i have been directed to me. My son has a blue badge i have stranger tell me that my son can walk so why has he got a Blue badge ( because he has no sense of danger and i need to get him in the car) I have people yelling at me to sort his behaviour out, i have people slagging me off in super markets and alot of other things.

The sad reality is that hidden disabilities are over looked, and as a parent it does piss me off.

I do think that if people cant accept DS for who he is, why should i think of other peoples feeling ( as they can never understand what it is like to living in a world that is black and white when all they can see is colours)

honey - if the boy's jumping up and down was due to his SN, how do you stop it??? are yiu suggesting it is possiple to put one's disability on hold for the duration of the panto? i am really intrigued. pleeeaase tell me!

you would not tell a wheelchair user to get up and walk though, would you?