To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Starfish, perhaps you are more forgiving than me then, because I'd be very upset to have to remove my child if the only reason he was not enjoying a performance was because of someone else's behaviour.

I would take him out if he was upset, I'd have no other choice. But in all honesty, I would resent the fact that that decision had been forced upon me because someone though their child had more right to enjoyment of the theatre than mine.

I condo understand how that could come across as if I thought that my child had more right to enjoyment than someone else's, but it is different when my child's ASD won't affect anyone else but another child's ASD will affect everyone else.

I basically don't think that any of us have a right to disrupt another persons enjoyment of something, whether that's because of a disability or not. And I resent that that perfectly reasonable view is being considered by some as disablist.

Lookbehindyou -- next time i need to lift my 10yr old ds2 when he is exxcited/upset/scared/distressed etc I'll give you a call.
It is very different to lifting a 10yr old who is willing or even a tantruming toddler.
The best i can manage with my 10 yr old now is to sit with, virtually on him until he is calm & then sort of manhandle him out, lifting is no longer an option for me or dh if DS2 is not willing to move.

Maybe the dads attempts to get the child to behave were more to meet the expectations of the others in the theatre than any real belief that it would change his sons behaviour.
He may have been very well aware that allowing him to continue was the least disruptive of the two options.

Mybe he was embaressed and shocked by how over excited his son ahd become.
I say again... dont judge... you just never know!

I agree threesocks.

It reay pisses me off when these threads get deleted.

Doris I am offended too.

Or maybe he was actually enjoying his son enjoying himself, and maybe, just maybe that had been the only pleasure of the entire day!

amber not deliberately, no.

It may be coming across that way, but I think you are coming across that way aswell.

Starfish - not patronising at all, we can't know about all life situations. It's good to learn about and think about others' experiences.

I have to put up with enough vileness in real life, so I'm going to hide this thread now.

Can I just say, hopefully without sounding patronising, how much in awe I am of parents that cope with this day in day out whilst providing their children with the love, care and support they need.

FestiveElement I kind of get you.
It is a hard one
if you have to people with sn, and one person is upsetting the other....who leaves.
I know that my dd gets upset by certain things(for her it is mainly nt kids crying) but I get your dilema

Thing is if that scenario was to occur I'd work with the other parent with both our expertise on our kids' needs, and also work with theatre management to get one or other child moved if they were enjoying themselves and wanted to stay.

its actually horrible to see some peoples opinions against children with special needs!! obviously those who haven't experienced the battled of a meltdown or worried about how other child will react in certain situations!! I bet a lot of opinions would be different if it was the other way round let's hope those at do have negative opinion never end up with a an child!!!

Hey, "SN kids" (not kids who have SN) aren't human. It's open season on them.

Thank you threesocks, and Glitter.

It is hard all round, but I know my experience of parenting a child with ASD is easy compared to some other people's.

I really think that the theatres, especially in panto season, should do more for their customers and should do what they need to do be accessible and welcoming to everyone. And if that means they lose some profit, then so be it.

I'm going to hide this too..its too upsetting.. My ds is recently diagnosed and if this is what I have to look forward to then god fucking help me. Its bad enough with the judgement and looks from people on the school run. Depressing though.. I don't understand how people can be so cruel to people they know little about.

I used to persevere gently.

Then I got angry and defensive.

Ho hum. Only so much wankerdom we should have to endure...

18 years down the line (7 year on mn) I cannot be fucked with being nice.
mn has not changed in that time(thank god mn hq have)
I joined and a oldie got a bashing soon after for daring to start a thread saying something along the line of "every one should have a child with sn for a day" of something.
still the disablist bigots rule

Some people do not understand that ASD is not always the same for everyone

You have some aspects of it that can be worked on like moderating conscious bad behaviour but you also can have actual symptoms of the disability itself

If your lucky enough to only have to deal with behaviours that can be adjusted then lucky you.

But a huge amount of people on this thread are dealing with things that cannot be modified because its not bad behaviour, the person with a disability is exhibiting a symptom of that disability that just so happens to display itself with an action.

It may not be anything to do with distress or excitement or anything other than it just being how the disability manifests in that particular person.

One of my children cannot talk but he can quack and bark he cannot control at all when or why he does it he also flaps his arms he also cannot control when or why he does that, he does smile when he is happy in between the quacking and the barking he is mostly unaware that he is doing anything other than smiling.

Another one of my children does have some aspects of his ASD that can be challenged or changed he also has many that can't.

Oh and for what its worth if I took my children out to a venue and we were asked to leave because of a symptom of a disability that could not be moderated, I would be very angry and would think the person asking was a complete cunt

Sockreturningpixie I so get that.
I think sadly the nt world hear a dx and then assume all people with that dx will be the same.....
so we get the crap fall out. my dd has CP and like ASD it is a spectrum and what one person can do another might not be able to.

the only things we can do with ds2 as a family are the beach, the forest and well thats it really....
He is very obviosuly disabled with autism, CP and learnign difficulties we are very fortunate that the majority of the people we come in to contact with in RL are far more accommodating than some on this thread.
Most of the time we are restricted by ds2's ability to cope rather than others attitudes.
He actually wouldnt shout, jump up and down (he'd fall over) climb on chairs etc but he may... get upset, become distressed, cry & sob, rock and banmg his head, fling his head back and forth etc etc. Have a seizure etc.
I would do my best to stop him disturbing others including ds1 & remove him if needed

I dont ask for extra special treatment, all i ask is for a little kindness and tolerance to allow inclusion in a family event.

I haven't read the whole thread but anyway, I have had people "helpfully" tell me that I should just not allow DS1's stimming and that I am over indulgent for not disciplining him using "normal" methods which don't work for him and just make him worse. If only I'd known that a good clip round the ear and being told no would cure his problems!

Drcoconut.

The response you need for that old chestnut is

" would a clip around the ear sort out your bad manors and bigotry?"

You are deff unresanable