To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

I actually mostly agree with KungfuPanda - it's a panto after all.

What if it had been Swan Lake? Would the same still apply?

There seems to be an attitude of 'we'll do as we please and to he'll with everyone else' on this thread which is frankly little better than the 'well they shouldn't be there at all' attitude.

It's also worth remembering that the disruptive autistic behaviours of some children can be very hard for other children who are on the spectrum to deal with.

My ds who has ASD would become quite distressed if a child in a theatre was jumping up and down and hitting themselves close to him.

So where does that leave children like him? Or are his rights less important because his autism is less severe than some other children's?

We still don't know if he actually had SN.

Oh & had the parent attempted to remove the child maybe the disruption would have been worse. My 10yr old with cerebral palsy, autism & learning difficulties is
Impossible for me to lift particularly when upset.

I really would have thought the panto would have been more tolerant of difference. It's hardly the sort of place you can hear a pin drop.

DS2 was in an inspector calls, people asked me if we were taking ds1 (er no, he'd be on the stage in the amazing house and nowhere near able to sit through it) - but that was full house, quiet theatre (actually not always quiet given the number of GCSE students in the auditorium). But panto? I thought panto might be an option one day. :delusional:

Of course he had SN, pretty unusual behaviour for an NT kid.

I will try to minimise any effect on others within the limitations of the individual child's disability.

Other than that, anyone bothered by it can get fucked.

If you want to know why I feel that way read the posts on this thread as if they were about your child and something they can't help, ie eye or hair colour.

My nephew is Autistic, and my sister would never allow his behaviour to affect other peoples enjoyment of things. Yes, sometimes it can't be helped and we pick our battles, so to speak. Also we are very lucky as our Local theatres have an agreement with the Autistic Society, for special productions. That way, everyone attending can enjoy together without feeling uptight/anxious. Rather sad that sometimes these things are needed, but there we go. Sometimes an autistic child also needs to be able to be themselves....

our nearest autism friendly cinema screenings are 2 hours drive away. The nearest theatre friendly performances I've seen advertised ate 5 hours away.

And that is what the real problem is. That theatres don't make their service accessible to everyone. The problem isn't with people who just want to be able to do the thing they paid to do.

saintlyjimjams I have found that safety in numbers works.
never take them alone.
always go with another "mum" and child with sn.
I do that with dd, people tend to leave 2 mums with wheelchairs alone.....
also we "mums" tend to be braver with the shitheads when not alone.

When people treat you and your children like scum, you tend to lose the will to care about them.

Swan Lake probably wouldn't be the first choice of most parents with children with learning disabilities.

A panto probably seemed like a reasonable idea.

I'm finding this thread particularly hardgoing for some reason. Maybe it's because my NT DS1 had such a blast at his first panto last week and I'd like to think that the litte boy in the OP had just as much fun.

Of course he had SN, pretty unusual behaviour for an NT kid.

Seriously? From a short description in a post on a forum, you're going to diagnose special needs? It might be a sign, but it certainly isn't an "of course" matter.

Seen it all on MN now.

For what it's worth Yoyho, and as the mother of an SN child who has had great days out spoiled by rude NT children, I agree to a degree. These events are expensive and people should work together, rather than thinking, 'I have more right to be here than you'.

We had a theatre trip today spoiled by a child behind us, he was shouting out rude and dismissive comments to the cast (of two). He was under 7 at a guess and his parents never once asked him to stop. I wondered if he did have some kind of SN, but that was just a guess, and he was obviously high functioning if he did.

I didn't want his parents to take him out, but I did expect a little intervention.

I take my DD to a lot of 'Aiming Higher for Disability' events, cinema, theatre etc. I find them altogether less stressful than 'ordinary' events (although I will never stop going to those also), because all of the parents have empathy for one another, but are also able to tell their children that what they are doing is inappropriate when necessary.

But you are asking for more than consideration and kindness, don't you see that?

You are asking people who you know nothing about, who may have their own difficulties to face, to disregard their own needs in favour of yours.

If it was just about kindness and consideration, you could have it from me on bucket loads and with bells on, but that's not what you are asking.

Theatres can't afford to run autism friendly productions in the main auditorium. Our theatre has 1300 seats - it's not cost effective to give that over to a very reduced audience when it could be sold out to everyone else.

I have to say I didn't find the excited teen with LD's at the panto remotely disturbing. The 3 year old who kept going to the loo was more disturbing (and that didn't exactly register).

:puts a line through 'panto' on the to do list:

hopefully the father of the boy, got in for free as his carer

She DID tolerate it but it annoyed her... jeez since when can society not get annoyed!

Thanks for the drugs suggestion lol!

As for autism screening... a friend's son (ASD) couldnt cope because the lights were on and people were making a noise and that is NOT what happens in a cinema! Having been to the cinema with him he certainly does not conform to that idea (He talked in a chipmunk voice throughout Chipmunks3 about boats) - his mum and I burst into fits of laughter of that gem... I mean you couldnt write it!

But obviously I am very lucky to have this service, as I have just read the comment posted while I was typing that .