To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

[fantasticfanjo]

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Festive an ideal world would be made ideal by the people living in it.

Your second paragraph is so utterly selfish I cant even respond.

completely agree kungfu.

yohoho

Am I accusing you of that? no

so as I said lets agree to disagree.

of course disabled people do not need special events, that are expensive!!!!!!!

That is about the level of it Starfish.

I agree that a couple of hours of inconvenience is nothing compared with living with disability but all the parents had to do was to put the boy back in his original seat.

Its a decking panto, full of noisy, snotty, coughing kids & families shouting...he's behind you! Why can one over excited child cause so much upset. If its a theatre experience people are after rather than a good FAMILY night out maybe they should pick a different theatre production. Panto is hardly the time to be precious about the viewing exoerience

But Im wrong to accuse some people of viewing my son as worth ess than other children hmmm

Of course people think like that.

Last time I went to the panto with ds2 and ds3 I really really did think that we might be able to take ds1 one year. :delusional:

We were sitting near a teen with LD's who was enjoying it a great deal and no-one was looking too lemon sucky. Maybe I just no longer notice.

*less

To finish my story...

IF I had been sitting next to this family my son probably wouldn't have coped and had we had been able to be moved then we would have needed to leave OR my son would have had a meltdown or possibly lashed out at me or this child...

I personally will not condone violent behaviour - autistic or not he can not hurt other people or property... my son has plenty of times but it is NOT tolerated. school and I have the thankless, wearing job of telling him time and time again that its not appropriate whilst modelling good behaviour and explaining what alternative behaviour is more appropriate.

I don't expect others to tolerate his behaviour just because he has a disability and being in a mainstream school they certainly do not support it either. His TA had a chair thrown at her last term by my stressed out child and whilst we all acknowledged the triggers the behaviour carried a significant consequence... just as it would do in real life when he is an adult.

I know my son can behave like this and I understand that it is due to his autism but I act way before it gets to this point 99% of the time... I have friends who think I am harsh and 'he can't help it' but I see it as preserving his dignity and keeping his experiences positive...

Not all autistic people are violent but I find the sight of my friends super-sensitive child with autism crying hysterically under a table equally as distressing as my son lashing out, I find my other friends non verbal hitting himself equally distressing... as a result we act before they get to those points, we read the signs and guide them to different behaviours... even if that means taking them away from other people... hell its usually the presence of other people causing it!

So back to the child in theatre - he was obvious in sensory overload and something was needed but you know what on some level I understnad what happened with that dad...

As parents there are times we all dont act or threatened useless sanctions... as I was writing my previous post my son was awake... AGAIN... a 3 month ongoing saga with him not settling to sleep... I can tell you all the possible triggers and what I am doing to help bring down stimulation before bed, blah blah but there is also a healthy does of attention seeking going on to (apparently sleep is boring and I get to do interesting things when he is asleep like watch TV )
Tonight I have threatened to take away his DS / wii / iPad and not let him have a late night on New Years Eve if he doesnt go to sleep... I even pandered to him a little bit and then I laid on the 'go to bed and don't come down again'.....
Utterly ridiculous, breaking ALL the rules and wont help long term but I just want some time to switch off for 2 minutes and because its the school hols / has been a long term / there is a bag of kettle chips with my name on it I just did the sticky plaster, short term fix because I am not perfect...

My friends, long suffering most of them are having to endure this debacle on the evenings they visit - these are the one which are left who understand I cant go out or visit them and now he's not sleeping... they are tolerant and polite like the OP who endured the whole bloody panto without a word.
She could have kicked off, she could have asked to move for no other reason than she paid £100 & her kids were sitting nicely but she didnt but she is not not a saint and found it annoying..

Hell fire I found my son annoying this evening too... just because he has autism it doesn't stop him being what all other kids are at times... annoying, frustrating, noisy, cheeky, funny, intelligent and unique.

Give the OP a bloody break - she found a kid annoying, was frustrated with a parent who did nothing about it and then ranted in place where it hurts no one. I hope my next neighbours are as nice as you - they've had to tolerate another round of 'JUST GO TO SLEEP' and 'I CAN'T!!!' this evening... god help them

Whilst we are on the subject as there are so many parent with kids on the spectrum... any words of wisdom on sleep - if this is it forever please lie to me - I cant take the truth this close to christmas!

Starfish unfortunately this thread is reflective of society as I experience it. If disability embarrasses, inconveniences or in anyway impacts on the 'normal' it is always the fault of the person with disabilities, or of course their parents/carers.

A generalisation, I realise, but one that hold true for the majority of my experiences.

Decking, I meant fecking bloody predictive txt

Surfers healing tweeted the following tonight:

Try not to care about behaviors in public, stare back at people who stare & make rude comments, consider them ignorant #ASDtips

Wise words

Aaargh! There is no "ideal world".

That is what I keep saying again and again on these threads. There is no solution that works for everyone. There is no answer that is fair for everyone. Someone has to take that hit.

If it is always the family with the disability who are expected to bow out gracefully then they will never get to do anything nice. Ever. It's simple maths. There are far more NT families than there are families with disabilities, so the NT family will probably only very occasionally be put in a situation where they might lose out - the family with the disabled child will always be in that situation, because everytime they go out they will be surrounded by NT children. NT children aren't surrounded by children with disabilities everywhere they go.

Disability is just one of those things that we all have to deal with because we don't live in that mythical "ideal world". It's not the child's fault that he is disabled. It's not the parents fault that they had a disabled child. It could happen to any one of us, at any time. Why should their lives be shitty because their child isn't "perfect"?

People say the disabled child's needs don't trump those of the NT child. Fine, but the NT child's needs don't trump those of the disabled child. So what's the answer if it isn't tolerance?

I felt a bit sick while reading this post... My ds has asd and I have been the parent trying to get through a social outing without an incident. I know my child can be annoying to others but there are times I wish people could understand how hard it is to do ANYTHING out of the ordinary with an asd child.
Lets just stay indoors so we don't annoy anyone shall we?
I wish people could understand.
I don't really do anything for fear of this judgement..which is unfair on my other children.
However the looks people give makes me sick to my stomach. I wish everyone could be "normal" ...Does that mean we never do anything?

Dayshift. Drugs, fir either you or ds either will help!

Thank you Kungfu..those are my sentiments..

I'd look into performances that were designed for children like my ds

yeah good luck with that. our nearest autism friendly cinema screenings are 2 hours drive away. The nearest theatre friendly performances I've seen advertised ate 5 hours away.