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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Walking in on IL's talking about me

62 replies

poppywillows · 28/12/2012 10:54

Just walked in on the IL's talking about me. They looked awkward and i didnt say anything, just walked off. MIL dashed over and said they were talking about one thing, SIL said they were discussing something else. If it was innocent convrsation then why the awkwardness when i walked in!! Im really upset as ive put up with this behaviour throughout my life from bullies and im so unconfrontational that im just quietly getting upset while still in their house. What can i do?

OP posts:

ZenNudist · 28/12/2012 10:55

Go on, what did they say?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 28/12/2012 10:56

Are you absolutely sure it was about you? What were they saying?

Original poster

poppywillows · 28/12/2012 10:56

Thats what i want to know! It was obviously nothing good as they were in hushed tones and acting worried as though id heard something! I just heard my name being mentioned as i walked in!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 28/12/2012 10:57

Are you in their house? If so, do you realise you have the perfect opportunity to leave whilst putting them completely in the wrong?

Stand up to them! Say you're going home because they were talking about you and you don't like it.

Original poster

poppywillows · 28/12/2012 10:59

Im such a wimp though. I have been packing up but cant leave until my DH is ready to take us. Theyre beng overly nice but im sure they can tell im not happy. I hope.

OP posts:

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 28/12/2012 11:00

Play on it for the rest of the day and make them feel like shit.

Look hurt, hazy and distant, shy away from them as if they are going to strike you and crumple into your dh's arms at any given opportunity, peeking out at them like a frightened woodland animal.

And spit in their tea....

Original poster

poppywillows · 28/12/2012 11:01

Haha! Im already doing the distant thing.

OP posts:

scuzy · 28/12/2012 11:07

or you can grow a pair, walk in with your cuppa and say" right then, so who is going to tell me what was being said about me" and passive agressively smile while sipping your tea and going "ahhhh".

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 28/12/2012 11:10

But she should "accidentally" dribble a bit of that tea onto the shag pile whilst staring directly at mil and saying "oops" without averting eye contact....

MammaTJ · 28/12/2012 11:12

Yes, do what scuzy said. You can't keep wondering and it is not fair of them to make you.

Original poster

poppywillows · 28/12/2012 11:14

LOL! Im loving these answers! If i had balls, id just go and ask what they were talking about-job done. Instead i shall look hurt, slightly irritable and distant leaving them wondering if im being a moody cow or whether its to do with their chat earlier. Then i'll probably build it up into something massive and never come here again. Damn my lack of confidence.

OP posts:

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 28/12/2012 11:16

They're not going to tell her though, are they? If they were spineless enough to whisper and act as they did. Perhaps your dh can have a word op, are you going to tell him???

Option C - sit in the car with one hand flat on the horn and the other forming a two finger salute pressed against the passenger window, until dh gets in the car and drives you home.

scuzy · 28/12/2012 11:16

ha ha BinFull i like your style. and make it coffee not tea ... stains more.

Bobyan · 28/12/2012 11:16

Ffs grow some balls and either ask them or leave immediately. That or accept you are setting the standard of acceptable behaviour for the future.

charlottehere · 28/12/2012 11:17

Clean the toilet with their toothbrushes.

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 28/12/2012 11:19

Talk to your dh op, if you have hang ups from previous bullying encounters I can understand why you wouldn't be confrontational.

Do you get on with them normally? Or do they do this a lot?

scuzy · 28/12/2012 11:21

if you say nothing a behave like a woodland animal (love it!) then you can guarantee they will bitch even further about you once left. knock it on the head, out and shame them! then grab dp by the cock and say "lets go!".

zippey · 28/12/2012 11:22

Do you have any idea about what it might be about? Have you emmitted any behaviours which they would not like?

YellowFlyingPineapple · 28/12/2012 11:22

Can I second the cleaning the toilet with their toothbrush....very satisfying indeed

imogengladhart · 28/12/2012 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKissIsNotAContract · 28/12/2012 11:24

I wouldn't ask them what was said, I'd let them know you heard them. If you ask what was said they'll come up with a bad excuse. Let them squirm.

scuzy · 28/12/2012 11:26

they are probably not squirming but will turn it on its head and say you are being childish. they also have time to come up with a different story. ambush them.

imogengladhart · 28/12/2012 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 28/12/2012 11:34

Continuing looking hurt will just relinquish your power to them.

Grow a backbone and talk to them.

ChristmasTreeSurgeon · 28/12/2012 11:38

Poor OP. Some good ideas here. I KNOW my ILs and their extended family talk all sorts of crap when we're not there but never caught them.
Sometimes I wish I knew what they're saying, but most of the time I reassure myself that ignorance IS bliss with them!

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