to be cross that dh spent 65 quid on sex toys

[ididnt]

We don't have that much money, especially not at this time of year. Our sex life is not brilliant, we have two kids, one of which is a year old and doesn't allow me much sleep. I'm still bf. I'm knackered and not that interested in sex, so I know dh is getin desperate. The last thing I want to do atm is engage in anything new, and the money spent has annoyed me. AIBU? Probably.

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According to MN though any husband/partner who would still like sex after becoming a parent is unreasonable and he has no say in the matter.

Okay is clearly the grinch going from thread to thread!

OP - when are you going to open the box - we all need to know what's in it

I think that there is some very good positive advice here for you. What about some reading material to get you in the mood. There are alot of womens erotic fiction out there that will make you want him.....maybe. Men sometimes want to make love to you because you are important to them and they want time with you and you alone as adults away from the children just like it used to be when you were his and his alone. I know you do alot but so does he. He presumably works hard for his family and youve said he helps around the house etc so him wanting to make love to his wife ( and not some other woman!!!) is really not alot to ask. And if you dont want to be a single mum in years to come then I would definately be listening to his need of you a bit more. Good Luck.

I don't think anyone said he had no say in the matter, in fact several of these replies have said the opposite.

Thanks for the positive advice. I will make the effort because yes, he deserves more than I am currently managing (which is next to nothing!), and no, I do not want our relationship to end through him being unsatisfied.

Lol @ okay
Back in yer box, love!

Alright, okay. Whatever. That's not what I meant at all, and I think you know that.

OP I know exactly how you feel. A toddler and BF baby, cooking, cleaning, a bit of lost identity all takes it toll.

I love sex with DH (when it happens) but the thought of it at the end of a day is often unappealing.

My DH is v understanding I think the key is talking about how you both feel and need.

I'd see this as an opportunity to rekindle some of the pre DC fun. That's if I wasn't feeling too shattered. If I'd had a bad night I'd think insensitive sod, I just want half an hour to myself!

Talk to him and remember you're on the same side.

WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?!?

But OP- entirely understandable. Floating in same boat wearing the same fleecy onesie

I found my sex drive was non existent while I was BF.
Have you talked to him about the BF / tiredness etc and that is why you are not up for it very often? With my DH I reassured him all the time that I still fancied him etc and it would come back but realistically not while BF / getting up in the night / post natal issues and so on.
It took a fair while but it did come back!
I think it is a good idea to "make the effort" if you enjoy it once you get going but you shouldn't force yourself to do anything you really don't want as that's just grim.
The fact of him insisting on spontaneity and a certain "quality" of sex is quite pressurising and TBH difficult to achieve often with children in the house.

Just talk to him about it.

I'm so grateful for this advice and knowing I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I know it will get better, and we have talked about it. A lot. Or more like argued about it , but even if I find it hard, I do think I have to make more of an effort for his sake. He's been/is being incredibly patient with me, and I appreciate that very much.

The box remains unopened . Two bad nights in a row. But did get a lie in until 8.30 this morning after an hour of screaming at 5am. Not all bad, I guess. Come on me, get on with it!

oh dear, Beavers link... there was a shower attachment one. The mental image is disturbing me a lot!

on a more serious note, poor you OP, its hard to manage everything isn't it, and its really nice of you/ good relationship sign that your DH's asking hasn't turned the whole thing into another chore to do (so far?).

I would imagine the problem is its not just one nights sleep you need, or one lie in, you need to really take care of yourself before you can feel up to feeling sexy and up for it again.does he understand that or does he tune out when you start talking about it? really, the best way for him to get sex again is for you to feel less knackered ...

Double that is completely the issue! He doesn't understand that at all, though he does put up with it! But perhaps if I make the first move to understanding how he feels, it will help him? Somehow?

I'm having a glass of wine and a bath to get myself in the mood

Ah - bugger (I say helpfully).

Any chance of starting a conversation withich sympathy & understanding for him to make him feel heard & loved etc, then explain you want to be on the place where sex is good but it's a simple energy in = energy out equation? & that u r running on empty so need some replenishing before you even get to zero? And it's not his fault (again so he doesn't switch off his ears)?

Yes, I think I will do that post-sex toy experimenting That way he's satisfied, and I feel will be better able to listen haha!

Also floating in the same boat, wearing cast iron jarmies

Im waiting to hear about the "sex toy" and how she got on with it.....he he!!!

No updates? How remiss!

ididnt - apart from being exhausted and having a head full of 'kid' stuff (which is not conducive to feeling sexy!!) I think a large part of the problem is when you have babies/small children with you all day you feel 'touched' out by the end of they day, constantly being climbed on, hugged, pulled, pushed, poked - you really just want some physical space (or at most a quiet cuddle on the sofa where the other person sits still, not wriggling about or fiddling with your hair or anything). I think for someone who hasn't spent the day like that, it's quite a hard thing to understand.

Well, for a first outing, i loved it but dh didn't so much! He felt bad about it all and isn't keen on repeating the experiment . After all that! We did get to have a proper chat about the whole thing though, which was udoubtedly the best thing about the whole evening.

And for the nosey, `twas one of these

A long marble. Boring. And there's still £35 still unaccounted for.

Just had a look through that website's dildo selection and the only £65 ones are the Homo Gigantus Giant Dildo and the Metal Worx Slim Fave Anal Tool.

I can't see your link - but really, I don't need to!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, maybe once DH gets over feeling bad about it, he'll be keen to give it another outing... and if not, well... nothing wrong with enjoying it solo!

Glass? No way would I be putting something made of glass in my fanjo!

that looks uncomfortable. Did you need a lot of lube?

I know what glass feels like in my fanjo

Seems a right shame he's not keen on it if you were, after all that.

What didn't he like about it? Seems he foxes you at every turn - not spontaneous enough, not his idea of what it should be like, and now not keen on the thing he bought even though you are!!!

What on earth will make him happy??!!