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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find BIL's comments odd and to feel slightly offended

71 replies

TogetherInParis · 27/12/2012 23:52

Sister and BIL have a young daughter (almost 2)

Bil constantly makes references to dd's blue eyes. Saying that he's glad she inherited blue eyes, because blue eyes are so beautiful and dreamy.

And as a joke I put a ribbon on dd's head and bil made the comment that the ribbon only looked nice because dd had blonde hair.

There have been numerous comments like this.

Now I am dark haired with brown eyes, as is my sister dds mum.

I know he's not trying to be mean because he's not aiming the comments at me... but I do feel slightly offended whatever he makes those sort of comments because it makes me question whether I am a dull and plain looking girl.

Because I'm biased my niece could have purple eyes and green hair and I would still think she was the most beautiful little girl.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 23:55

I think you are reading something that isn't there.

He's proud of his daughter, whether she be blonde and blue eyed, or as you say purple eyed and green haired.

I suppose someone will come along and say he's devaluing her by commenting perpetually on her looks Hmm

Fakebook · 27/12/2012 23:57

Confused why would you get offended by that? He's obviously besotted with his dd, not making a personal attack against you. Get over it.

Original poster
TogetherInParis · 27/12/2012 23:57

Its just the way he says the comments ... like shes beautiful because she is blonde haired and blue eyed.

And he said the red ribbon only looks nice because she has blonde hair ...

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 23:58

He only has eyes for his daughter - are you a bit jealous?

chrismissymoomoomee · 28/12/2012 00:00

I think you are being very slightly over-sensitive. I'm sure if she had dark hair and eyes he would be telling her she was beautiful because of that too.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 28/12/2012 00:00

This is an odd one...

YANBU to find the comments odd. They are. Blonde hair and blue eyes are a lovely combination, and it's only natural that he finds his daughter beautiful, but the ribbon would have looked just as nice on any hair colour. His need to constantly comment on her beauty is strange, but perhaps he is just in awe of his first child?

YABU to find it offensive, I think. It's just comments. I have blonde hair, but I don't have blue eyes. I'm not offended when people say DP has beautiful blue eyes, or that blue eyes are the nicest, because I like my eyes. Then again, I think this type of comment only really bothers you if you are already insecure, or you just go a bit Xmas Hmm and move on.

I'm a bit mixed. Are they usually a bit PFB?

Fakebook · 28/12/2012 00:01

And he said the red ribbon only looks nice because she has blonde hair ...
So?

I don't get it. Do you think he's racist? Why would this offend you? Can't understand the problem.

Original poster
TogetherInParis · 28/12/2012 00:01

Haha no I'm not jealous in the slightest.

Like I said I'm extremely biased, but I adore my niece and think she is absolutely beautiful and I cover her in kisses (whenever she lets me)

It's the way he says the comments, that if she was a brunette with brown eyes then she wouldn't be half as pretty.

OP posts:
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 00:01

All 3 of my DCs have blonde hair and big big blue eyes that you could swim in. So many people comment how beautiful they are.
I have dark/mousy hair and green slanty cats eyes - I'm glad they got their dads genes tbh.

I don't think YABU necessarily, but maybe reading a bit much into it.

Original poster
TogetherInParis · 28/12/2012 00:02

And he said the red ribbon only looks nice because she has blonde hair ...
So?

I don't get it. Do you think he's racist?

What the fuck!? What is wrong with you??

Why bring racism into this.

Disagree with me if you want but I never brought racism into this! Do NOT put words in my mouth.

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 28/12/2012 00:04

And he clearly does think that dark hair and dark eyes are nice or he wouldn't have married and had a child with your dark haired dark eyed sister.

Original poster
TogetherInParis · 28/12/2012 00:05

And by the way And he said the red ribbon only looks nice because she has blonde hair ...So?

Was because he said it only looked nice because she has blonde hair, if she had a different hair colour the ribbon wouldn't look nice.

She's not beautiful only because she is blonde with blue eyes.

OP posts:
jessjessjess · 28/12/2012 00:05

But odd but I'd let it pass.

HollyBerryBush · 28/12/2012 00:06

This thread is just plain weird Confused

Fakebook · 28/12/2012 00:06

Okie dokie. Hmm

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/12/2012 00:06

Oh, if she was brunette with brown eyes he'd be just as besotted, and proclaiming the beauty of the mix. Honest. Grin

Original poster
TogetherInParis · 28/12/2012 00:07

No actually I'm fuming right now and stepping away from this thread.

I honestly do not mind people disagreeing with me. I posted in aibu so obviously I want your opinions.

But to bring racism into this and imply that I was the one that said it when it actually hadn't even crossed my mind for a second has taken this to a completely different level.

And I don't have to put up with that.

Thanks for the other posts, I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
3monkeys3 · 28/12/2012 00:08

I thought of the racism thing too tbh. Blonde hair and blue eyes is the Arian look after all.

Personally, I would be more concerned about the effect this could have on his dd than any slight towards yourself. My dad has always been very obsessed with how my sister and I look - we were blonde and cherubic and have gone mousier as we got older. There has been pressure to dye our hair, lose weight, all sorts over the years - we largely ignore him now, but it hasn't been entirely undamaging.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine · 28/12/2012 00:08

Why do you care what looks your BIL prefers?

Original poster
TogetherInParis · 28/12/2012 00:10

This thread is nothing to do with the Arian look, Hitler or even the Holocaust.

It's a shame that that is some peoples mindset.

Again thanks to the other posters. I am logging off now.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 28/12/2012 00:10

There is a natural gravitas towards fair skined, blue eyed, blondes.

However all I'm seeing is:

Parent a bit PFB/Aunt jealous

ArielInTheBath · 28/12/2012 00:12

Huh? Why are people saying the jealousy thing?

I don't get that in the slightest and it's seems a bit primary school to say it if I'm honest.

Especially as the OP has gone on about how beautiful the niece is regardless of what colour eyes and hair she has.

thebody · 28/12/2012 00:13

Could be a wierd post. If not charitably think you are a bit mad op. otherwise post really really doesn't make sense..

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2012 00:14

I wonder if BIL's comment was more a dig at his wife, actually...

WorraLorraTurkey · 28/12/2012 00:15

Is it wrong to admit I literally have tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks at this bizarre thread? Xmas Grin

Probably...but bollocks I've said it now LOL.