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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find BIL's comments odd and to feel slightly offended

71 replies

TogetherInParis · 27/12/2012 23:52

Sister and BIL have a young daughter (almost 2)

Bil constantly makes references to dd's blue eyes. Saying that he's glad she inherited blue eyes, because blue eyes are so beautiful and dreamy.

And as a joke I put a ribbon on dd's head and bil made the comment that the ribbon only looked nice because dd had blonde hair.

There have been numerous comments like this.

Now I am dark haired with brown eyes, as is my sister dds mum.

I know he's not trying to be mean because he's not aiming the comments at me... but I do feel slightly offended whatever he makes those sort of comments because it makes me question whether I am a dull and plain looking girl.

Because I'm biased my niece could have purple eyes and green hair and I would still think she was the most beautiful little girl.

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 28/12/2012 01:17

^The fact you relate your BILs comments about his daughter to you is weird. When my DH says things about my DS, I don't think he's talking about, or to, me. He's talking to and about his kid. ^

That's what I as thinking Wilson. The man is just saying his dd is beautiful. Not that you are a ugly ducking in comparison. My dh talks with pride about my dd's curly mop top all the time. But he's not having a go at me or my sister.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2012 01:18

Sight. Gives up and steps away from the iPhone.

I do remember age 4 crying when my cousin was born with blonde hair and blue eyes. I got upset and asked why I couldn't look like "my mummy's" blonde/red headed family.

I have dark hair,pale skin and green eyes. Far more unusual as it turns out.

ArielInTheBath · 28/12/2012 01:21

No I think Savoy that the OP isn't finding fault that he's saying she's beautiful.

He is saying she is beautiful only because she has blue eyes.

Not that her eyes are beautiful.

If that makes sense?

I suppose it's like me saying to you - Savoy you're so pretty because you have blue eyes.
Therefore if you didn't have blue eyes then you wouldn't be pretty.

AmIthatTinselly · 28/12/2012 01:23

Oooh I think that if that is what the OP is saying, then she needs to catch herself on.

FFS

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2012 01:24

Ariel the eyes thing is a bit odd. But if we moved on to hair colour,I know for a fact I would be attractive with blonde hair. Red maybe,but I am at my best as a brunette.

I don't see what this guy is saying that is so wrong?

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla · 28/12/2012 01:31

It does sound like a bit of a dig at your sister to me too op. Here we stand, lone t-rex s/es/s'.

ArielInTheBath · 28/12/2012 01:35

then she needs to catch herself on??

And ps Alisvolatpropiis brunette's are waaaaay hotter. FHM top sexiest women always have a higher percentage of brunettes in the top 10.

AmIthatTinselly · 28/12/2012 01:38

I'm sorry, but what a silly thread. No-one is coming out of this looking good/intelligent

SavoyCabbage · 28/12/2012 05:56

But if someone says to my dh "wow your dd is beautiful" dh would likely say

"yes, isn't her hair amazing, the curls are beguiling don't you find" or similar. But this would bear no reflection on my sister's looks.

Fakebook · 28/12/2012 07:00

ArielinTheBath yes I did because like a few other people I immediately thought of hitler and his Arian race. Don't know where I've been rude, I only asked a question. I think you and the OP need to take a chill pill.

misterwife · 28/12/2012 07:27

Godwin's Law has been broken, and shamelessly!

BIL's comments are a bit weird. I can understand being all wee-woo-wee-woo over your daughter, but to wazz on and on about her 'beautiful eyes' or her 'beautiful blonde hair' is best left to doting members of the extended family and/or friends. Maybe I'm super British and super uptight but I don't think that constantly commenting on your kid's dreamy cuteness in front of other people, even your relatives, is the done thing. At best it's oh-please-pass-the-bucket and at worst it's boastful.

However, taking the comments as implicit digs at your own attractiveness is possibly reading too much into them.

FirstTimeForEverything · 28/12/2012 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

We3bunniesOfOrientAre · 28/12/2012 07:44

Just to redress the balance, I have sooo many people, complete strangers coming up and commenting on all 3 of my dc with deep brown eyes and luscious dark hair (we have no ideas where the colouring orginates from, that line hasn't left East Anglia since at least the 1600s). Maybe buy a ribbon which really won't suit blonde hair, blue eyes, I bet he still goes on about how lovely it looks cos it is his dd. He is of course BU that red doesn't suit brunettes - mine look stunning in red.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 28/12/2012 07:53

My DDs big blue eyes make her beautiful. If she had brown eyes they'd make her beautiful. If she had blonde hair that'd make her beautiful. Her brown hair makes her beautiful. If she had a third ear growing out her forehead that would make her beautiful. Every parent finds their child the most beautiful in the world.

YABU and a wee bit over sensitive. BIL thinks his DD is cute/beautiful. He would most likely think this of any feature she had and would probably say the same if she had brown eyes and hair. He's a proud dad. Nothing more nothing less.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 28/12/2012 07:58

And if she had brown eyes, he'd be enthusing about her big beautiful brown liquid eyes.

If she had red hair, he'd be enthusing about her stunning flame coloured mane

etc etc

It's not because she's got blue eyes and blonde hair. It's because he's overwhelmed that he made this human being. Whatever she had would be amazing to him.

Unless you are suggesting that if she had brown hair, he'd shrug and say well, she's ok I suppose. Which would be daft of you, you know that, right?

HintofBream · 28/12/2012 08:35

It's Aryan, not Arian. Please spell it correctly, even if it does not apply.

fryingpanalley · 28/12/2012 08:45

Fucking hell OP you are wired to the moon
crying tears of laughter here

What colour was the ribbon though? We need to know.

Wowserz129 · 28/12/2012 08:51

What a weird thing to think OP. not everything someone says is a backhand comment about you!! This thread is weird

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird · 28/12/2012 09:08

There's a qwear amount of weirdos hanging around MN lately. Go to the sales or something will yis. Ffs.

And my kids are fucking gawjus

Morloth · 28/12/2012 09:16

LOL, I think Blonde haired, blue eyed children are the most beautiful.

Can you guess the colouring of my children?

It is cause and effect. The thing he loves most in the world looks a certain way, therefore that is the 'perfect' and any deviation from that is obviously inferior.

If my children had brown hair and green eyes, then naturally that would be the best colouring for children to have.

CharlieBlanche · 28/12/2012 09:18

I don't understand why you would care what your BIL thinks about your looks.

I get on well with my BIL and when he comments on his daughters looksin a million years it would never occur me that it was slight on my looks. He's my BIL married to my sister I don't give two hoots if he thinks I look like the back end of a bus!

My sister and I have similar colouring, which is different to my nieces (who look like their Dad) which is different to my DD (who looks like her DD). I can assure you we are all fabulous dahling.

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