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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to dislike a child of 6?

88 replies

Boomerwang · 27/12/2012 22:08

I'm battling with myself here because I don't like my niece but I feel weird about it, like she's too young to be disliked by an adult. Do you understand what I mean? Or am I being really unreasonable?

I often think to myself that I wouldn't let my own child do the things my niece does, but it's starting to happen. I don't mean that my niece is influencing my child (who is only 9 months) but that I'm seeing changes I don't like which are similar to what my niece does and I'm wondering if I'm being reasonable to attempt to stop them or if it's too early, as indicated by my niece's behaviour?

As for disliking my niece, I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's just the things she does, which is normal boundary pushing behaviour which she's generally allowed to get away with. So maybe it's not her I dislike, but what I see her do as the result of bad parenting?

Am I odd?

OP posts:
PiccadillyCervix · 28/12/2012 10:27

A lot of adults are not very likeable. They didn't turn that way on their 18th birthday.

cornystollenslave · 28/12/2012 10:32

what a sad thread Sad

Moominsarescary · 28/12/2012 10:36

Just take your dds hands when she smacks you and tell her no, it will probably be some time until she understands but at least you are being consistent

As for your dn, yabu she has dev delays, you need to remember that this will be difficult for her. She may be 6 but will probably display behaviour of a younger child.

pigletmania · 28/12/2012 10:44

Thanks fanjo she is lovely bless not a mean bone in her body. It just hurts hearing my friends nt ds shout hateful things and he has such hate in his eyes. My friend and her dh are such lovely gentle people and their dd is such a star it's a shame about 'joe'

whathasthecatdonenow · 28/12/2012 15:42

I sometimes feel the urge to respond back in kind to my niece's so called 'friend' who likes to tell her she is stupid or point out that her eye is sticking. I don't, because I'm the adult. I tell her calmly that she needs to be kind. My niece thinks she is wonderful and hero-worships her because she is 'grown-up'.

Some children can be cruel and that to me is a trait I really dislike. However, that doesn't seem to be the case here and I really think that the OP needs to adjust her expectations of what a 6 year old with a developmental delay is able to do.

MrsMelons · 28/12/2012 16:16

YANBU - I felt like this about my niece from about the age of 2-6 or 7. She is DH's niece so not my blood relation.

I didn't like how she behaved or how she spoke to people. She was also nasty to other children and very manipulative/spiteful. I now realise a lot of this was how SIL let her behave so maybe it was unfair that I felt I disliked her.

I do not dislike her now but I don't think I will ever feel that close to her. It may be because we are not blood related but I am not really sure as I am close to some of my friends children.

I don't see how it is possible to like everyone even if they are children but I generally wouldn't discuss it in RL other than with DH.

MrsMelons · 28/12/2012 16:18

Sorry I missed the part about the developmental delays.

I can't imagine I would have it in me to dislike a child in that situation as I would be more understanding.

IkissedSanta · 28/12/2012 17:10

with regards to your lo hitting you yes I would put a stop to it now. at the moment she is not meaning to hit you but is prob just looking for your attention so its ok at this age to start letting them know that its not acceptable.

I don't think yabur to not like your niece as stated we don't like everyone. but maybe when you are with her try and pinpoint what it is you don't like and maybe you can find a way to work on the problem.

FreePeaceSweet · 28/12/2012 17:20

YANBU. I dislike my friends dd who is 8. She is rude, surly and talks to everyone including her mum in the most appalling manner. Plus she once answered the door to me and my then 4 yo dd and instantly slammed it shut trapping my dds hand. She refused to apologise and her mum couldn't persuade her to do so. She has a terrible habit of rolling her eyes when other people are talking. She is the main reason I don't go around there very often anymore. Her mum is lovely and is mortified by her dd at times. I just hope she improves her attitude as she grows up as her life will be quite difficult I fear. :(

HairyGrotter · 28/12/2012 17:26

YANBU, I dislike my niece. You cannot be expected to like everyone, including children. They are 'people' too, they have personalities etc so can be unlike able as people.

I also dislike my best friends child, vile personality and she'll grow to be a vile adult too, sociopathic tendencies already!

insancerre · 28/12/2012 17:29

YANBU
You really can't be forced to like people when you don't, even if theyare children.
I have never met a child i didn't like because i am very tolerant and can usually see that it is the behaviour I don't like, not the child. This comes from years of working with young children.
DH, on the other hand, has admitted that he finds it hard to like any children, apart from his own, even his neices and nephews. But he is not very patient and doesn't really get children.

degutastic · 28/12/2012 19:03

fwiw, I don't think the SN mean you should like her - it means you should be able to understand why she is displaying such behaviours but it doesn't necessarily make her any more likeable. I wouldn't expect to like every adult I encountered whether they had sn or not, though as I say, the sn can explain the context of the behaviours people show.

Original poster
Boomerwang · 28/12/2012 20:13

I saw her again today. I stroked her hair and kissed her as I usually do. I bore this thread in mind and watched her a little more closely today so that I could discern what it was I didn't like about her.

I'm not going to list them, though. Deep down inside, I know she's just a kid and she'll change. She's had an awkward upbringing so far, which could have been a completely different one had SS had their way when she was born.

I still dislike her, but I've accepted that it's my problem, not hers.

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