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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:

RubyGates · 30/12/2012 11:04

With DS2 I got the bus I got the bus home too.

With DS1 I walked. botth ways. HTH.

GrrrArghZzzzYaayforall8nights · 30/12/2012 11:08

Taxi firms here had no problem with it here, gentleman was lovely about it, though I'm not sure if DH had told them ahead of time or not (I doubt it though, don't really need to tell them just had the clean-up charge to hand just in case). Used a yellow cab company though so their taxis are all designed to be easy to clean and know us pretty well.

I did take an ambulance with my first (I was panicky...) no one mentioned anything about charges. I'm not even sure they could do that. I also went by ambulance with my third, though that was called by the midwife for an after home birth transfer due to midwife having yanked on the cord, causing the cord and a large chunk and lots of blood to come out problems with the placenta.

autumnlights12 · 30/12/2012 11:15

Oh yes, people who don't drive are annoying. And they do want to learn, but are usually afraid to drive. They say they don't want to drive, but I don't believe them. Who would want to wait for a bus in the rain when they can jump in a car anytime of the day or night? Unless you live in central London and use the tube daily, I can't think of one reason not to want to drive. And even then, you'd want to drive out of London occasionally. Trains and buses nowhere near as convenient and cost the earth. Often more than petrol. For 100000% more hassle. Why not drive? Even people I know on tiny incomes manage to run and service a car. Why would anyone not drive? Is bizarre.

Waitingforastartofall · 30/12/2012 11:20

I would love to drive, but like previous poster says I am scared. I'm determined to do it this year!,

TrampyPants · 30/12/2012 11:20

I admit that was the. One time I "relied" on a driver. I was happy to get taxi, but my dad wouldn't hear of it.

Fun fact, there. Are 8 houses in my cul de sac. 6 of those drive. There are 15 parking spaces. This morning all are full and there are 2 cars on the road right outside my windows. Why are so many cars necessary? Why can't drivers share responsibility?

TrampyPants · 30/12/2012 11:22

Autumn, wow, how do you read mymind have you read thethread?

SugarplumMary · 30/12/2012 11:23

poshfrock taxi with first but we had to wait 45 minutes unusually long but we were coincidentally under a trial schemewhere MW came out to you before you went to hospital - so MW was there which I pleased with. MW couldn't get an ambulance despite me being 9 cm dilated and she couldn't take us in her car for insurance reasons. We just got there in time - whole thing was very short for a first pg.

Taxi driver wasn't thrilled as I was his second in labour lady that day- but took us and we weren't charged more.

DH wanted to get bus back from hospital - but one of his friends insisted on giving us a lift back and seeing baby which I was grateful for - we had baby seat as we had travel systems.

Next two home births. Many people insisted they'd be happy to take us to the hospital but we were happy to try HB for other reasons.

We did move house less than a week after second DC - removal frim had our stuff and we got on busses and trains and walked with toddler and baby to get there.

On few occasions we had to rush DC down to A & E - we've taken taxies which got here quickly.

GreatCongas · 30/12/2012 11:25

Really autumn?
I never had the urge or the need to drive until recently.

SugarplumMary · 30/12/2012 11:28

autumnlights12 - its not just petrol its the cost of the car and the cost of insurance.

However I think we are getting to the point with three DC, so five of us, that not driving and using public transport or taxies possibly isn't saving that much any more.

GrrrArghZzzzYaayforall8nights · 30/12/2012 11:44

autumn - Is it that really bizarre that people have a different point of view? I don't live in London, I don't drive and neither does my DH and neither do the vast majority of our friends (only 1 has a car, he talks regularly of selling it as he doesn't like it or use it much). Nothing to do with fear, much to do with a different view of life and priorities. I'm just not bothered by walking or waiting for a bus or using a taxi, I just take it as part of life, I'm happy for the time cushion, and something that I choose to outsource to professionals when needed than deal with myself.

And the cost of cars is not just the petrol, buying a car, maintaining a car well, MOT, insurance...my BIL's insurance bill is equal to our transport budget for over 9 months and my friend's recent bill on a problem with his car would keep us going for months. My DB has gone through several cars (including one that blew up moments after he had left it due to a dodgy repair job). I just find them to be more of a problem and unreliability that I don't need and design my lifestyle accordingly to not use them. As not having it is my way of life, I don't find it a hassle at all.

GrrrArghZzzzYaayforall8nights · 30/12/2012 11:47

Sugarplum - when my DD2 becomes 5 it will be cheaper for us to take a taxi to town than it will be to take a bus. Thankfully we can walk it most of the time but that does seem like madness to me. Longer distances are still fine but shorter distances certainly seem to go up quickly recently.

Offred · 30/12/2012 11:49

Oh, yeah, non-drivers are a real nuisance to car drivers who might have to occasionally be considerate of other people whereas car drivers are never a nuisance at all(!)

krasnayaploshad · 30/12/2012 12:32

I have no problem with non drivers. I do however take issue with non drivers who refuse to use public transport & insist on being driven everywhere. Yes, SIL & BIL I'm referring to you & demanding elderly FIL drives the 3hr round trip to collect you from the station when there's a perfectly good train service you could use.

I have found some non drivers can at times be unaware of the impact of their requests. For example, a friend didn't appreciate why I didn't want to drive an hour out of my way in bad weather conditions when they had the option of the train.

ivykaty44 · 30/12/2012 12:57

i spend 60 pounds per month to just keep my car taxed and insured and for an mot cost.

mot repairs and tyres are extra

petrol I spend very little at around 50 per month

Offred · 30/12/2012 13:09

I think drivers are often pretty oblivious to the burden their driving places on others; breathing in their fumes, the physical risk their cars pose to non-drivers, the nuisance parked cars cause, the destruction of public transport etc.

TrampyPants · 30/12/2012 13:22

Offred, yep.

LadyMargolotta · 30/12/2012 13:27

Very true offred.

I have a licence but don't drive. I wish more people were like me - then maybe our roads would be safer. Better a non driver then a dangerous driver.

I hardly ever ask people for a lift but I find that many people do offer me a lift, out of kindness. I try and offer then something in return - eg.babysitting or a meal.

hackmum · 30/12/2012 14:54

I didn't learn to drive until my late 20s. I was just too anxious about it (am a v anxious person generally). But I felt guilty about constantly relying on lifts from people. Also got fed up with having to rely on public transport a lot of the time, as it's a pretty miserable experience. Since learning to drive I have given lots of lifts to non-drivers so at least I've paid that bit back!

BsshBossh · 30/12/2012 16:44

It's certainly annoying when non-drivers (who can afford to drive and have no fears/medical conditions preventing them from driving) rely on drivers to take them places. One of my friends is like this. But not all non-drivers are the same OP. My non-driving DH never asks me for lifts.

So YANBU regarding your sister but YABU regarding your generalised opinion of non-drivers.

yousmell · 30/12/2012 16:56

I think it's fine if people don't drive as long as they like public transport/bikes/using legs.

TrampyPants · 30/12/2012 16:59

Ok, should there be limits on amount of cars per household? My post earlier demonstrates how multi-car households affect the roads and parking etc. Our visiters can never park thanks to houses with 2 or 3 cars. They pay the same rent, council tax and service charge as us. Imagine all those cars in action at once.

EweBrokeMyManger · 30/12/2012 17:08

I only drive when i absolutely have to and we were a non car owning household until recently and were not a burden on anyone with a car unless they had arranged a party or a holiday etc. somewhere completely inaccessible. If we had organised something then it would be easily reachable by public transport or walking but drivers wont consider that so you do end up having to have a lift.

We just got cabs when necessary though. Not that hard.

Autumn you must have a very small social circle of friends if you dont know any non drivers. It is very expensive to run a car. And in cities often completely pointless.

TrampyPants · 30/12/2012 17:22

Ewe, dh and I went to stay with sil and bil in rural spain a few years back. Dh and I had a huge row and I stormed off with my bag, a map, sunblock and a phrase book. I got the bus into granada, had lunch, got another bus to a tiny seaside town, walked around a bit. Got another bus into los yesos (where they were) in time for dinner. Sil was gobsmacked. I am far more resourceful than many of my driver friends.

Mintberry · 30/12/2012 17:23

Yes, because those of us who don't drive just love dragging crying kids through the rain to the bus stop, waiting for it to inevitably arrive late and then not getting a seat. We do it just to spite you personally.

I would love to be able to drive, but a lot of us can't afford it. You sound very haughty and spoilt.

Takver · 30/12/2012 17:36

I'm with solidgold above - the real PITA / crap people are those who can't possibly cope with public transport.

I know loads of non-drivers (and live in a rural area) and THEY never ask for lifts - its always the car owners, because their car's at the garage / their dp has it / they want to drink. Then they guilt trip ME into driving when otherwise I'd walk /go by bike or use the bus.

(Un)fortunately my car is very unreliable at starting so I can never guarantee you won't have to walk home, which I find works wonders at sorting out the people who really truly need a lift

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