Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not want to go to my friend's party anymore?

13 replies

silvercup · 27/12/2012 10:44

A friend invited myself and DH to her house for New Years Eve. It sounded like it would be good fun - she also invited about 12 other people in our "group", including 3 other couples. I haven't done anything on NYE for 3 years, and DD (21 months) will be away overnight for the first time, with my parents. So all in all we have been really looking forward to it.

Anyway...it's transpired that hardly anybody can go. People are working; have family illness; are away...a variety of valid reasons which mean that the only people there would be myself, DH, my friend and her sister. Not really the party that DH and I imagined.

Basically, neither of us really want to go anymore. We were looking forward to our first overnight without DD and having a lively time! So we'd far rather go to a few bars in town instead. WIBU to actually be straight with my friend and tell her that? Or would it be rude?

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 27/12/2012 10:48

I think I would play up the "lively time" and "first night alone together since DD was born" and not mention going to bars in town. You and your DH wanting to be alone shag like very naughty rabbits all night is understandable, but to be the only guests left and ditch her for a pub in town (which will be packed and heaving and full of drunken idiots if ours here are anything to go by) is a bit mean and rude.

helpyourself · 27/12/2012 10:49

V rude! It's frustrating, but you've accepted and them's the breaks with friends. If she's a good friend you could suggest the 4 of you go out...

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 27/12/2012 10:52

Could you invite her and her sis along? Pretend you don't know everyone else has ditched her and say you've planned this now?

I don't blame you for not wanting to go to be fair, but its also a bit harsh as you're the last guests standing! But again, that's not your fault

pictish · 27/12/2012 10:54

Oh dear - what a dilemma. I fully understand how you feel. I too would be itching to cancel.

However, the fact is, being ditched for a better offer is awful. I have a policy of first come, first served. If I agree to something I'll see it through.
I don't know why I bother, because the rest of the populace seem to be selfish, flakey let down wankers, but I can't quite bring myself to do it.

Original poster

silvercup · 27/12/2012 10:54

Oh, I should have said in my OP - we would totally invite my friend and her sister out with us! We were just looking forward to a bit more of a party atmosphere.

OP posts:

Sokmonsta · 27/12/2012 10:59

Would you have time to organise a nice, civilised dinner party with drinks and maybe a few games or some such after? While its not necessarily going to be the lively event you imagined I can honestly say after 4 children, NYE isn't the be all any more. I'm far less likely to be awake still at midnight even if I wanted to be.

The dinner party and games would give you something to talk about and have fun with rather than making attempts at small talk. Put your best dress on, make yourself up and enjoy your night.

I'd feel incredibly hurt if the remaining people suddenly ditched me for a 'better' offer.

HollaAtMeSanta · 27/12/2012 11:07

I think suggesting that the 4 of you go out together instead is fine.

HollaAtMeSanta · 27/12/2012 11:08

Posted too soon - you could always suggest starting off with drinks at hers and then heading into town if you get the sense that she is excited about playing hostess?

slartybartfast · 27/12/2012 11:10

hmm, are you sure there are only such a small number coming?

WinterWinds · 27/12/2012 11:12

Yes i would do what holla says, and perhaps you could pick up a few stragglers in town (no doubt will bump into people you know that would be more than willing!) and head back to hers to finish off the night

DontmindifIdo · 27/12/2012 12:35

I'd suggest rather than say 'drinks at her house isn't going to be fun, let's got out for drinks' you call her and say as it's just the 4 of you, rather than her having to go to all the effort of hosting, how about you book a table somewhere (doesn't need to be posh, a curry or chinese would work) - then as you are out anyway, go to a pub afterwards.

jessjessjess · 27/12/2012 13:15

Agree that you should suggest the four of you go out. But don't make the mistake of framing this as her choice and then feeling stuck if she says no...

maddening · 27/12/2012 13:17

Yep all 4 go out - meal and dancing !

Flip