Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have yelled at dh

63 replies

ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 10:27

So dh was still in bed at 10am and he would get up.

I've been up with ds since half 6!

I have done everything these past few days and he won't even get uppity ds so I can get washed and dresses. Ds is washed and dressed - I did that and he's 6

I'm so annoyed but apparently I'm in the wrong that I shouted!
And maybe slammed a door.

Why can't he see that his behaviour is driving me away and he complains I don't want to spend time with him but would rather fall asleep - yes dear I fall asleep as I am feckin shattered as do everything and you do feck all

I kmoe it's partly my fault but really is it all my fault?

Will be huffed with for the rest of he day now as a result.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 10:27

Sorry he wouldn't get up!!

OP posts:
maddening · 27/12/2012 10:28

Yanbu - he should share the holiday with you - he is being a twat

okaynowitstheseason · 27/12/2012 10:29

Well everytime someone posts that their DH yelled at them, she's told he's an abusive bastard, so I'll be interested to see the responses.

mistressmiggins · 27/12/2012 10:29

my exH used to do that. YANBU. He is being selfish.

pictish · 27/12/2012 10:30

Is this the general state of affairs. You get up to the children early doors and he stays in bed?
Have you discussed it with him before...made your opinion on the subject known?

okaynowitstheseason · 27/12/2012 10:31

And they're also told there's "no excuse" for DHs yelling and slamming doors, so let's see if that's really true...

Original poster
ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 10:32

No apparently I'm selfish as I said I felt unappreciated!

Just feeling sorry for myself

My dm and df fell out on Christmas Day and I had the worst day ever! One of them threatened not to come over.

Dh does this all the time

But he is so blind that I don't want to spend time with him why would I when he obviously doesn't care about me?!

OP posts:
purrpurr · 27/12/2012 10:34

Same old same old. He's getting away with a childfree existence whilst you do everything. Either you seek comfort in complaining on AIBU or you make some real changes. If you secretly enjoy having to do everything and the whole martyr piece, AIBU will always be here... If you want to make changes like an adult, perhaps you could raise this in the Relationships area to discuss ways to bring compromise, respect and all that lovely stuff into your current relationship?

Original poster
ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 10:34

I get you point okaynoitstheseason

But for 6 years I have hd this 6 years

Have said numerous times before - always causes arguments and I get accused of being a bad mother if I leave to calm down.

I am fed up

OP posts:
Kayano · 27/12/2012 10:36

I wouldn't have put up with it but I wouldn't be in that position because I didn't marry a knob.

as soon as we got married / rtf I lay down exactly what I expected (even though you shouldn't really have to I just wanted it clear that it wouldn't all be on me) and it worked.

we tAke turns for everything. tell him that you'll get up either but he needs to be up at xxx time to do you, and say I'm lying in on this day and you can get up with DC.

never leave it til the actual day, we always know who's doing what and who is taking charge before that. makes it a lot smoother and less anger inducing.

okaynowitstheseason · 27/12/2012 10:38

Chablis, for what it's worth I do agree there can be valid reasons for shouting in a relationship, and yours sounds like one, I'm just observing that in general on here, its acceptability usually depends on the "shouter's" genitals.

mum11970 · 27/12/2012 10:38

Did you say your son is 6. If I've read that right you shouldn't need to wash and dress him and should be able to leave him alone to get showered and dressed yourself.

pictish · 27/12/2012 10:40

Well I think if it's an ongoing issue that has not been resolved, and lack of sleep is involved it's going to come to head.

Taking all the sleepies for yourself while your partner struggles, is horribly selfish and affects everything.

OP yanbu, but shouting isn't going to achieve anything other than to give your dh more ammunition to dig his heels in...a further sense of entitlement. Don't bother raising your voice - he'll just use it against you. You'll end up apologising for daring to be pissed off about his total lack of consideration, and wondering how the fuck that happened!

MouseyHousey · 27/12/2012 10:48

I cant understand why you have been up with a 6 year old since half 6. I usually get up around 8, if my DDs (6 and 2.5) wake earlier than that they are capable of playing by themselves/reading etc. My 6 year old hasnt needed help getting dressed and washed for well over a year, why are you dressing your DS.
Why wouldnt you be able to leave your DS while you get dressed? I must have a very responsible DD as she will sit and play with her little sister while I have a shower/ do some housework.
Also you dont say if theres a reason for your DH sleeping till 10, my DH always sleeps later than me but he works crazy long hours and is genuinly more tired than me.

Original poster
ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 10:51

Ds - He's not quite 6 yet but closer to it than 5. But quite immature and would wrench havoc.

Would it be wrong to leave them to it to shower my head?

Sitting here crying my heart out - feeling hard done by and unloved and unappreciated

Is it too much to ask for someone to do something for me?

OP posts:
MerryLindor · 27/12/2012 10:52

Is your DS your only child? Why are you not able to leave him to shower and dress?

As to your DH - is he generally like this? If so you need to sit down with him and talk rationally.

Without using inflammatory phrases like 'you always ..' Or 'you never ...'

Give concrete examples of the issues you have and why it upsets you.

'I did all the preparation for Xmas, cooked on Xmas day and cleared up, and you did not help me. This left me feeling frustrated and very tired'

Then wait for him to respond. Don't rant.

Original poster
ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 10:52

I got up as he's been bouncing on my head from half six giving me no peace.

OP posts:
MerryLindor · 27/12/2012 10:54

Chablis
If your almost 6yo cannot be left alone for 10 mins while you shower, then I'd be worried.

What do you mean that he would create havoc?

Would he make a mess or would he burn the house down / endanger himself?

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 27/12/2012 10:57

Your dh sounds a bit of a dick. But I do agree that shouting and slamming doors is not the way to deal with it.

But also why didn't you get a shower? I am confused. I really think you should be able to slave an almost 6 year old while you get a shower.

thegreylady · 27/12/2012 10:58

Put a DVD on for D's and have your shower. Most 5/6 year holds can be left in another room for half an hour. Tell him to get your dh if he needs something.

MerryCouthyMows · 27/12/2012 11:01

Two of my 5/6yo's I could have left, one I couldn't. And I doubt that when DS3 is 5/6yo that I will be able to leave him either.

Original poster
ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 11:03

I was trying to get a shower but ds wanted to go downstairs to play air hockey

Now he needed some one to carry it in for him as its really heavy and someone to play with

As a only child that's either me or dh at the mo as his friends live far away

I simply asked dh to get up and go down with him and I would get washed.

He said no and all hell broke loose.

It's always in a minute or in a sec.

He does work long hours but so do I.

I'm up from 6 every morning and I do lunches, uniforms etc etc - he lies and gets when I'm ready to leave about 7.

I'm up till usually after him and get about 6 hours a night if I'm lucky. So sleep would be good.

OP posts:
MerryLindor · 27/12/2012 11:06

Chablis
But you can say to your DS that you have to shower and you will play air hockey with him when you are done, can you not?

Does your DH help with the household at all?

If you both work then he should be doing his share.

Original poster
ChablisLover · 27/12/2012 11:08

Ds is over tired and cannot be reasoned with

Dh does bugger all in the house except complain bout the state of it - in other words he does not lift a finger!

I cook, clean iron and he does Feck all.

OP posts:
MerryLindor · 27/12/2012 11:16

Chablis
IMO you have two issues here.

  1. A 6 yo who cannot be reasoned with - if he has no SN then this is not ok. A 2yo can't be reasoned with when tired. Not acceptable in a 6yo.
  1. Your useless DH

You can't sort one without the other cause you are being a martyr to both. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you will knacker yourself while these two do what they want.

And your son will grow up just as lazy and unreliable as his dad.