AIB ungrateful?

[Hydrophilic]

I would never have thought I would be posting this, I am easy to please!

Me and DP have been together for 3 years, we have had a really crap year together. We relocated for his new (well paid) job and I have struggled to find one. I got a christmas job in retail and worked my butt off to be able to afford presents for him. He wasn't short of expensive suggestions for himself and I got him some really lovely presents. I spent about £100 overall from my wages- which has been a lot for me. I havn't bought anything for myself for a good 6 months- even crippled myself in heels for work as I couldn't afford flat shoes.

He is working today so I am at my parents. I have opened his presents:
-2 bottles of mulled cider
-a box of tea
-a single electric blanket

I am 23 not 83. We live in a mild area of the country, I just dont NEED one. I also know his mother paid for it as he said "he couldnt afford all of it by himself" (that got my hopes up it was a nice treat for me!!

He wrapped it up click and collect packaging and all. Hadnt even bothered to open it to make sure it was the right thing. Price was left on, £39.95. A couple of months ago he thought nothing of buying a £300 leather jacket for himself.

AIBU to just have wanted something pretty and nice for myself?

[Hydrophilic]

I can't believe he thinks he can start taking my possessions because I wasn't able to pay any rent for a couple of months. How fucked up is that? The deal was that he would support me until I found a job.

I don't get his argument either about me not having known about the artist until I met him? How could he possibly know that.... You can't just all of a sudden decide you want something after two years of ne owning it.

I need to get a bigger car to borrow so will speak to my mum, mine is too small to fit everything in and if I took his precious paintings he would seek revenge.

He's also come home from the christmas sales with a £100 ("only" according to him!) pair of curtains. What happened to having no money?

[harrietlichman]

Defnately go - it sounds like a nightmare situation with no redeeming features whatsoever - you can get another job, this time will pass and you'll look back and thank God you got away from this mess...take your stuff and go to your mum's - wise mumsnetters are all giving you the same advice!

[AlienRefluxThanksFuckThatsOver]

or you could hire a van, for about £40 for a day, put the lot in, it's gone sour sweet heart, and it's no holds barred, so don't look for any logic in his reasoning, he wants to take anything he can (selfish fucking twat) he's not bothered about fair, so don't you be. What sort of revenge? They are not his paintings, possesion is 9/10 of the law,do you think the pokice will care that he told you about the artist
get out now, and take what's yours.

[Cutiecat]

This is not going to end well. You need to go home to your mum. A van is a good idea but if you can't do that then just pack up what you really need. It would be good to take the painting for a piece of mind but really when it boils down to it you are best just getting yourself out of their ASAP.

[Cutiecat]

'A piece of mind' is what my 6 year old says. I meant 'peace of mind' obviously.

[ImperialSantaKnickers]

I think I'd be happier to hear that you're on your way home by now. How big are the paintings/other biggish stuff? Could you DHL them to your mums and drive off with the rest? Or get them into one of those self store units, like Big Yellow, together with the rest of your kit?

[nightowlmostly]

So sorry to hear you're going through all this shit at this time of year OP. I am echoing what other posters have said, get out while he's away, it sounds like he will turn even nastier. You simply can't stay there any longer.

When will he return from his NYE jollies? Maybe think about packing up all your most important things today and going to your mum's. Leave whatever you don't really want to keep, I know it's crap, but there's a good chance you'll be able to get it later. Or go back tomorrow and pick up the rest?

Good luck with it all, you'll look back one day and be so proud of yourself that you didn't put up with his crap.

[northlight]

He's very into interior decoration, isn't he - curtains, throw, paintings. Almost like nesting behaviour except that its all for him, him, him.

Get out. You have your future planned and very soon he will just be that terrible mistake you made in your early twenties. There is better life for you out there.

[northlight]

a better life

[LemonBreeland]

You need to get you and all of your posessions out of there. Move bakc with your Mum, you will get another job. You really can't stay until September.

[ImperialSantaKnickers]

I'm hoping the reason you've not been back is that you're driving home now. Will check in later for an update. unmnetty hugz.

[nickelbabylyinginamanger]

take what you can while he's out. the paintings and anything essential. leave what "doesn't matter for now".

if you told your mum to come now can you get everything in her car and yours together and get away tonight?
you don't need your new job if you move back with your mum and you can look for another one where she lives. plus you'll be able to get jsa when you live with your mum.

[ZenNudist]

I think make a point of spiriting the paintings away. Just hire a rental van. Get your stuff and leave ASAP. Leave while you have the element of surprise. Credit card it if need be, you can sell the paintings to pay the bill. If you are worried about retaliation get away from him.

[Jux]

As far as I know, the only people who can legitimately take goods in place of sums owed are bailiffs, and the dispute has to have gone through the courts first.

The paintings are yours. Take them. Get your mum down asap, or hire something, or freight them. Then get out. But get out.

[SugaricePlumFairy]

I echo what the others all say.

Get the paintings and leave, he is going to become even more unbearable with each day.

Stay strong and remember your self worth and what life would be like if you stayed any longer with this no-mark of a man.

[KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat]

You poor love :(

Take the fucking paintings, first of all. They are not his in lieu of rent. That's not how it works! I cannot agree strongly enough with other posters saying you should leave now. This is how nasty he's gotten in a few days, how much worse could he get over the space of weeks or months? At the best he sounds like a thoughtless dick, at worst a manipulative user.

Start the new year well shot of him and patting yourself on the back for having the cajones to run a mile.

[ImperialSantaKnickers]

Hydro you ok?

[ImperialBlether]

Where are you, OP and where is your mum? I want to start a chain of Mumsnetters who can take you from your house to your mum's house.

Give us something to plan for tomorrow!

[MikeOxardInTheSnow]

Good idea Imperial. Several good ideas on this thread in fact. How handsome did you say your son was, again? ;)

[SPBInDisguise]

can you not just get a job, any job and live with your mum until September?

[MudCity]

He's living the life he wants isn't he? Job he wants in location he wants. Jacket he wants, throw he wants and curtains he wants. He hasn't really thought about what you want has he?

Whatever you decide to do, TAKE THE PAINTINGS! They are yours. And he has his Laura Ashley curtains to look at.

[ImperialBlether]

Mike, I think you're the wrong gender for my son!

[MikeOxardInTheSnow]

Not for me Imperial, for the OP! Also, I'm a woman (but too old and too married for your son), thanks though. :o

[therewearethen]

Well this will teach him for buying shit Christmas presents won't it! Lol in all seriousness I think your doing the right thing. I'd rather have something homemade or costing £10 that my dp had put lots of thought into than getting something I hadn't asked for/need that my mil had half paid for and ordered!

I'm in Wales if that's any good to you op, for moving stuff etc.