AIB ungrateful?

[Hydrophilic]

I would never have thought I would be posting this, I am easy to please!

Me and DP have been together for 3 years, we have had a really crap year together. We relocated for his new (well paid) job and I have struggled to find one. I got a christmas job in retail and worked my butt off to be able to afford presents for him. He wasn't short of expensive suggestions for himself and I got him some really lovely presents. I spent about £100 overall from my wages- which has been a lot for me. I havn't bought anything for myself for a good 6 months- even crippled myself in heels for work as I couldn't afford flat shoes.

He is working today so I am at my parents. I have opened his presents:
-2 bottles of mulled cider
-a box of tea
-a single electric blanket

I am 23 not 83. We live in a mild area of the country, I just dont NEED one. I also know his mother paid for it as he said "he couldnt afford all of it by himself" (that got my hopes up it was a nice treat for me!!

He wrapped it up click and collect packaging and all. Hadnt even bothered to open it to make sure it was the right thing. Price was left on, £39.95. A couple of months ago he thought nothing of buying a £300 leather jacket for himself.

AIBU to just have wanted something pretty and nice for myself?

[ConfusedPixie]

Oh, definitely look for a weekend houseshare where you are for the month and a month-long houseshare for the other place to get away from him if you can. You can always look for a longer houseshare in either location if you want, they're really easy to get into. Are you near a city? Easier still then.

[Hydrophilic]

It's all very confusing! I have a weekend job locally so need to be down here.

[Jux]

Don't forget to pack up the pictures and see if your mum can pick them up (I don't trust him with them for a month on his own).

Good luck. Are you beginning to feel better?

[ConfusedPixie]

Wow, well that's something! Is there a way you could stay over the weekend too or is it a job local to you on weekends?

[Hydrophilic]

Thanks ConfusedPixie. I have just had it confirmed that I will be the other side of the country for 4 weeks, so will be away mon-fri. Even the money just from that month would be more than I could earn in a min wage job for 3 months.

I have started packing bits up that I can drop into my parents house on the way north. Having less stuff will make it easier to get out quickly. I am in no state to do much, keep forgetting what I'm doing!

ExP told me, before we split up, that he thought I could do with going through my stuff and getting rid of bits. I do this regularly anyway but it's pretty rich coming from a hoarder. I have just taken out all of my DVDs. All 7 of them and all well watched, from a pile of 200 that are all his. FFS.

[ConfusedPixie]

Op I'm going to work now but wanted to suggest a seasonal job. They are min wage but give you cheap accommodation and food most of the time! I used them to escape my parents house when things got bad and they are very good for saving if you can get extra working hours!

[ZillionChocolate]

You poor thing Hydro. It must be overwhelming being isolated with a lot to do while you're feeling rough.

From what you've posted, I'd imagine that the improvement in his behaviour is temporary. Don't drop your guard!

[Jux]

Eat live yoghurt every day while you're on the abs, and for a week after at least.

Hope you start feeling better.

[Hydrophilic]

Christmas, I like your way of thinking!

I have finally found a decent gp down here .He rushed me in at short notice, took blood and has put me on strong antibiotics. He says if I havn't improved in 24 hours he will admit me to hospital. It's only taken 2 weeks and 4 different drs...

[ChristmasIsForPlutocrats]

Can you take on any tutoring work instead of spending all your non-work time at leisure?

[Hydrophilic]

I have found a dr who is taking me seriously. Have an appointment this afternoon and will have bloods taken urgently.


He is looking after me. He is the one who has kept pushing me to go back to the drs. My mum has offered to come down but she won't be able to do anything. I am just sleeping all day.

Things are a bit more amicable. We are going to sit down and calculate how much he owes me when I get better and he will put money in my account.

I can't afford to not take up this job. I want to go to uni in september and need every penny I can get, I have already been unemployed for 3 months and I can't afford to waste another 3. I will be away training for a month so will be away in the week. I work one day on the weekend and will fill the other with new hobbies.

[StuntGirl]

Oh Hydro, I think I remember that thread. You relocated for his work to some beach town if I remember rightly, and he was supposed to support you while you job hunted, but the job market wasn't particularly brilliant there?

Please get away from this man, he is absolutely draining you. You deserve much, much better than him. I hope you are feeling better soon. x

[LapsedPacifist]

Hydro, have you told your parents how ill you are? You need to go back home to recover. Why are you trying to work when you are so poorly?

This so-called DP is a doctor ? - yet you are fainting at work with a kidney infection? Please, please get yourself looked after. Your partner has neglected your well-being to the point you are collapsing in public. He is disgrace to his profession. You deserve better than this!

[KRITIQ]

His behaviour sounds worrying, very worrying. I don't know the backstory as others seem to, but it sound like the present situ is part of an overall pattern of controlling, emotionally abusive behaviour. Staying in a stressful situation won't help you to recover physically or emotionally, and I'm concerned about your personal safety.

Paintings, property, money, none of that stuff matters as much as your health, your sanity and your life. Please, find some way to get out, get away as soon as possible. Could your mother call on a neighbour, friend, relative, anyone who could come collect you and as much of our stuff as possible? Resign from work, but be upfront about your reasons - they will then be more likely to give a good reference (or is there an opportunity for a transfer if it's a big firm?)

Seriously, you do need to get away from this man, as quickly as you possibly can.

[HildaOgden]

Take time off work and go home to your mums to recover.Staying there in a stressful situation won't help.Mind youself x

[flow4]

Oh hydro, poor you. And like Cobb says, you don't have to explain yourself... Just look after yourself...

[Jux]

Hope your recover quickly. There're some nasty bugs going around atm, apart from your exp! I had my first meal since Sunday this evening!

[Jux]

Could your mum, say, come and look after you? (and pack the important things and take you away?).

[OhCobblers]

You don't need to explain yourself. just concentrate on getting better you poor thing. Get well and get out of there

[hugoagogo]

Hoping you're taking care of yourself hydro. [hug]

[Hydrophilic]

I am here. I'm, hand on heart, the illest I have ever been. I had to lay down quickly at work today as I was going to faint. I will come back and explain myself more when I feel better. This is 2 weeks this has veen going on for. I've lost half a stone and have no energy.

I'll be back, promise.

[OhCobblers]

Op did you have a thread about him back in Sep under a different name?
I thought you were going to come back from your parents, pack your things and leave. Wasn't your dad going to help?
What made you stay?

[WhySoSirius]

He is displaying extremely concerning signs of someone who could become abusive. I think there is nothing to gain by staying in that house. As others have said you need to just leave and go to your mums. There will be other jobs, it's not worth the suffering (and nagging from us MNrs)

[flow4]

WhySo has just said what I have been thinking but haven't said, for fear of sounding melodramatic.

Hydro, you have known you want to leave this man for a couple of months now, at least - but you are still there. Sorry if this is a blunt question but are you afraid of how he'll react if you say you'll leave?

If you get the merest whiff of violence from this man, get out immediately. You can sort everything else afterwards.

You can make a Safety Plan to help you leave. (That's a link to info about Safety Plans on the Women's Aid Website - this second link is to their homepage).

Here is the website for the domestic abuse service in your area (and if you're not in this area, you can find local support by searching the directory on the Women's Aid website): www.domesticviolenceandabuseservice.org.uk/ They will help you get away if you need help. So will any organisation in the Woman's Aid network.

Sorry if I'm way off the mark here, but I wanted to say it aloud and make sure you have some info, just in case I'm not.

[WhySoSirius]

Read whole thread. Hydro I will personally come and pick you up and drive you to your mums if it means getting you away from this lunatic. I'm genuinely concerned about your safety!