To want just me, dh and dc on Christmas Day.

[janji]

Bit late to post now I know, but as usual, am expecting mil for Christmas lunch today. Try to be brief; fil died 5 years ago and dh and his brother do not speak. Mil always assumes she is coming to us and this was fine for a time but she is incredibly 'hard work.' She doesn't attempt any form of conversation and always sits there looking completely miserable and 'waiting to be entertained.' I find the whole thing really stressful and exhausting, ending with my mood hitting the floor by the end of the day. I guess I'm frustrated that it never seems to be bils turn? I feel awful for feeling like this as she must find Xmas hard without fil (& I'd never let anyone face Christmas alone) but its such hard going!

Yanbu to want to be on your own. I would love a Christmas with my husband, just the 2 of us but it has never happened. This is our 5th Christmas together. We are either working (he is doing 17hr shift today) or we have his daughter or we have my Nan. One year I want us to go away for christmas, maybe to new York.

YANBU
On a positive note, at least she lives close enough not to have to stay overnight with you.
I would definitely do something different to mix it up next year. Could you have Christmas dinner at a nice pub and just keep it to the meal (meet her there/pick her up on the way there and drop her off on the way home?). Might be a way to bring up BIL/her plans/end the assumption when you mention it later in the year?

Could you contact BIL about next year? We have a massive family but there's only 3 of us that will have my Nan so we take it in turns.

We've always had big family Christmases and often one of us works, but this year MIL died so DH decided he wanted a very quiet one with just us.

It's been lovely doing it all the way we want (so far we've eaten a hell of a lot of cheese!) but I'm missing having others around. It feels less partyish, although I guess your MIL doesn't sound the party sort!

Hope your day is as good as it can be :)

YANBU, but you are also being lovely as whatever the cost to you, you are including her and not leaving her alone at Christmas. I hope this is the year she starts to recognise this and proves to be a better guest.

Just to say what a lovely caring DiL you must be to have your MiL round each Christmas. She sounds very hard work, but I would be like you and wouldn't be able to bear the thought of her being alone at Christmas.

adjust your expectations.
you know she's going to look miserable and not make any effort. so you're ready for it. leave her to it. park her in a sofa, pass her the odd drink and chocolate, and apart from that, ignore her. if she puts herself forward, respond positively.
daughter's father in law is asperger (we all are but he's the most extreme) and can be perfectly happy sitting quietly while all around him people celebrate.

Ah, sounds just like my late mil, but I'm glad now I did my best. Now I'm a mil I really really really appreciate any invites! Also I think I learned a lot about how to behave as a mil from the miserable one. All of you mums with sons, remember you will be that il one day!!!!!!!!!!

I know exactly what you mean. I'd love a Christmas just me, DH and DD. But it'll never happen as DH is an only child, so if his parents don't come to us it'd just be the two of them & I'd feel bad about that too.

We are having our first Xmas on our own at home today and as much as I was looking forward to it, its a bit quiet! Dds are off playing with new stuff, Dp is cooking, ds is sleeping and I've not got anything better to do than mn!!
Not sure id do it again, kind of miss the mayhem.

Ok, so mil came and to be fair she did try to enter into conversation more. More importantly, I felt good about myself (not in a patronising way) that I had included her. All that kept running through my mind was the motorway crash on the m6 earlier today and the 2 children and woman who had died. Realised Xmas day lunch every year isn't really a biggie in the grand scheme of things after all.