Tell me I am and I'll just get in with mucking out the house

[Secretservice]

Some of you may remember tale of STBXH who left for OW in July returned in Sept, because he pays the mortgage too. It was awful at first, settled into a grudging routine, but rapidly deteriorated after I told him I'd been to see a solicitor. Anyways...

Yesterday he did a partial Christmas food shop and just left everything on the kitchen table, surfaces, floor as he was in a rush for his footy - fan not player. I was in way out to work as he came in, so had no time either.

I got in from work at 2am, bags of shopping still out. He would have been home from 7ish last night.

He is not here now, because and this is where the real AIBU comes in, he is driving the 90mins to see his dad who had a severe stroke last Saturday. But should I just leave the shopping for him to put away when he gets back?

Now before you all flame me for being a real cow, this is the first time he's seen him since the stroke, yet his footy match took him within a 10min drive of the hospital yesterday. I have seen my PiL perhaps 8 times in 20 years, always at my instigation. I have never had so much as a birthday card. They take very little interest in DCs. But, still he's his dad.

So am I being unreasonable, to just ignore shopping, and all the other tut which he has ignored for at least three days or just get in with it?

It would depend on whether you could live with the mess or not. As much as it boils my blood sometimes, I do far more housework than DH mainly because we have different tolerance levels.

YWouldNBU to leave it, though.

I'd just do it, as it would drive me mad! But think you wouldn't be U to leave it. Maybe put the perishables away? Sorry, not much help!

Are you eating that food or are you leading separate lives? Because my answer would change accordingly!!

I'd do it, but I was a wimp with XDH especially when sharing the same home during our separation. Anything to keep some semblance of peace in the short term.

Okay just to clarify, you're not in a relationship with him now, is that right?

Has anything been said or organised about the shopping? Has he mentioned it's just been dropped where it is, or simply dropped it and walked?

Are you spending Christmas together?

I would say in my household whoever doesn't do the shopping puts it away, but I recognise in your situation it's a bit more about the relationship atm.

We are leading separate lives, but agreed to a joint Xmas as I didn't want the fight over who would stay with kids. I've done gift shopping, he the food.
I had a quick look for perishables but only seems to be bottles, nuts and crisps!

It sounds like he is being a selfish prat but he probably thinks he's done you a huge favour by getting the shopping.

I think just put it away - its annoying but you don't want to drag this out and if there is a row he will tell you and anyone who listens that you are being a cow just when his dad is so ill.

It won't last forever.

tidy no not in relationship and he just dropped it, saying he had to go, but I had my coat on o go to work then aswell.

I suppose I'll have to decide if the resentment that I have tidy his messy, is worse than having to look at his mess!

Ah okay, well then whether you put it away or not I suppose comes down to how selfish the shopping is! Did he get anything for you or the DCs to enjoy?

Tidy it, then perhaps sort out a way to end this terrible living situation in the new year. If need be, get the house on the market.

It can't be good for your DCs to live like this.

There's a bottle of vodka which is probably for me! Maybe I should just open it now and let the state of the house blur into the background!

I just hate the fact that I work there long days, more than 12 hours with commute and get home to a complete sty, cos they all just seem to go feral as soon as I turn my back. There is not a room in the house that is not a complete state

dontmind that was the idea behind the sol meeting. I reported back that he could expect 10k from house sale with rest going to me for house big enough for me and kids. Or vice versa.

His reaction was to call me a greedy bitch and that it would only make him less likely to move out! He has also given in his notice at work for Feb He has nothing else lined up

Does none of it need to go in the fridge/freezer? If so, its a bit late now...

duck just noticed there is some posh cheese in fridge so maybe he did do something after all!