AIBU or us DH (xmas and family related)

[kaz1119]

need some perspective before i kick off:

we have 2 DC.. DH's family ( MIL, Fil & his sister and her DD) life several hours away.

DH invited sister, her Dd and Mi & Fil over for xmas. Sil is lovely as is her DD and Fil. Mil is hard work (understatement).

anyways, DH just booked himself on a flight to cyprus on his own to have some 'time off'. in the meantime will have to play host to his family. my parents are away this xmas, so cannot join them.

i am livid. should also mention that we have not been on a holiday for 5 years as it is too costy for the 4 of us. this only adds to the insult.

wwyd... i am raging and cannot think clearly. or Aibu and should let him go and just make the bedt of it.
someone calm me down,please

Will he be doing the food shopping before he fucks off on holiday, seeing as he doesn't give you money for food?

My first ever LTB.

If he thinks he can bloody well take off I would cancel whatever he planned (ie his family coming over) and do whatever the hell I wanted. Sod him!!! He might do a lot of strange things, but you don't have to put up with ALL the effects of the strange behaviour. Let HIM have some repurcussions. (And there would be more than just cancelling his family if it were me!!)

Let him go, he doesn't want to be with you. I honestly think you will have a better Christmas without him as he will be sulking in the corner ruining it for everyone. phone your SIL and explain the situation, it might still be good for them to come as long as everyone pitches in to help and make the time easier for you and you won't be on your own. I seriously think you should think twice about having him back.

Sorry OP, what a crap thing to do to you.

Did you manage to talk to him op?

Let him go. But tell him not to bother coming back.

See a solicitor asap and sort out your finances.

While he is away make sure you photocopy all payslips, bank statements, credit card statements and any other financial paperwork. Also any other legal stuff you have relating to assets, property, mortgage etc.

I am so sorry you have been browbeaten, downtrodden and brainwashed into thinking this kind of behaviour is anything even approaching acceptable.

Your 'D'H, for example, is a selfish twat.

Stop excusing it with words like 'eccentric', or 'different'. 'Eccentric' is wearing a Jester hat throughout Christmas and having Samauri swords in your bathtub, like my Grandad.

Eccentric is NOT being a selfish bastard who only pleases themselves!

I would let him go, and visit a solicitor while he's away. Any non selfish bastards would WANT to be with their DC's at Christmas if they weren't working. Any non selfish bastards would not be inviting their family to their house then fucking off on a jolly leaving their wife to do all the hosting, all the Christmas stuff alone AND cope with a severely disabled DC at the same time. Any non selfish bastards would be THERE AND HELPING.

Stop being a doormat, and tell him this is a deal breaker, if he goes then he doesn't come back.

Why are you ok with this?! Why are you still going to host his family? FFS, he obviously KNOWS that you will still do what he wants even when he's not there, he's booked this trip safe in the knowledge that you won't cancel his family.

Is he physically abusive to you? It definitely sounds as if he is abusive - booking holidays for himself when you can't afford to take family holidays. If you can't afford a family holiday, then you can't afford a holiday at all, not even for his royal cuntiness!

I have just read your other thread.

This is your chance. Let him go. Good riddance.

But get legal advice and start divorce proceedings. No court in the land would think his behaviour is reasonable!

having actually read the op, I think you need to let him go and deal with his own bed as he made it.

Then refer all questions as to his whereabouts to him (his mobile number) and change the locks and refuse to ever contact him again except through a lawyer.

Hopefully SIL and FIL will help you out when they see what a cunt he is. However, are you worried about how MIL will react?

I read the OP and was utterly shocked. DH wanted to know what was up, so I read it to him. We are now both sat here like this . I'm gobsmacked that someone would actually do that. YANBU OP, I would have read him the riot act! Selfish, selfish twunt!

Gosh, is this thread still here?

How extraordinary.

Is he having some sort of mental breakdown? If not, LTB.

When is he flying out? Hide the bugger's passport.

Even if your In laws weren't coming for Xmas this would be totally unacceptable behaviour.

He's decided to use limited family funds to give himself a holiday you can't afford for all of you, and not spend Christmas with you?

He is a nasty piece of work.

Like I said, destroy (or hide) his passport. Don't think of it as an unacceptable thing to do, just put it down to a touch of 'eccentricity' - that's the way it works in your house, yes? You could give it back to him Christmas afternoon with a tinkling little laugh and a comment about how 'different' you are.

I've just read the other thread. I'm so sorry OP, what an awful situation to be in. I agree with what 3littlefrogs said, let him go and lawyer up.

Read the other thread. Deary me, what a bellend.

Has he said why he's going? What's the actual reason? And when is he planning to go and until when? I'm interested as to how he broached the subject with you, or did you find out on your own?

tell him to fuck off and not come back.

LTB

To be honest I do't really understand why you have a problem with him going, when your other thread was asking for advice on how to get him to leave when he was refusing.

Surely this trip is an absolute godsend? You can use the time to speak to a solicitor, sort out important paperwork and maybe, depending on the advice you get, tell him not to come back.

If you don't want to be with him and are anxious about how to get him to leave, what could be better than him taking himself away voluntarily?

It is then entirely up to you whether or not you host his family, or whether you make alternative arrangements.

Not that I think his behaviour is reasonable by the way! But if he is an utter twat then he might as well go and be an utter twat halfway across the world.

Just read your other post. Let him go! Perfect opportunity! Grounds for divorce - unreasonable behaviour in one hit. Lawyer up now. Take him to the airport yourself to make sure he actually leaves.
Get a photocopy of his passport (I don't know why, just seems like a good idea).

Just read your other thread. See this as an opportunity, change the locks, seek legal advice. You are well rid of him. Do you have any money? Can you get money from him for food etc. over Christmas? I would call dsil and tell her what is going on, she might be a good source of support.

thanks for your post. saw a solicitor a while back - all very complicated.. . being stuck between an rock and a hard place. just focussing on the DC and not letting him winding me up and i am coping that way.

will let him go - will probably make for a much more relaxed and peaceful christmas.

This man is every shade of cunt. What he's planned is not eccentric or different, it's just plain old being a cunt. A fucking cunt, even.

However, as your other thread is about trying to force him to leave, I think you should turn this on its head and use it to your advantage - once he's off sunning himself in Cyprus, like a single man, make him a single man and change the locks. Give your ILs some of his stuff to take with them.

When he gets back, declare that you presumed that him going away on his own was a huge declaration of becoming single and leaving the family home for good. If he moans, point out that no man in a relationship, who is commited to his children, esp. with a severely disabled one, even thinks about doing what he's got planned.

I reckon such actions will also be hugely on your side in divorce proceedings. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade: you want him to leave the house and he is going to. Then keep him out!

What are the complications - seems like he is contributing nothing and being massively unreasonable. Really really seems like this would be the perfect time to start divorce proceedings.