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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or us DH (xmas and family related)

102 replies

kaz1119 · 22/12/2012 23:11

need some perspective before i kick off:

we have 2 DC.. DH's family ( MIL, Fil & his sister and her DD) life several hours away.

DH invited sister, her Dd and Mi & Fil over for xmas. Sil is lovely as is her DD and Fil. Mil is hard work (understatement).

anyways, DH just booked himself on a flight to cyprus on his own to have some 'time off'. in the meantime will have to play host to his family. my parents are away this xmas, so cannot join them.

i am livid. should also mention that we have not been on a holiday for 5 years as it is too costy for the 4 of us. this only adds to the insult.

wwyd... i am raging and cannot think clearly. or Aibu and should let him go and just make the bedt of it.
someone calm me down,please

OP posts:
MrsTomHardy · 22/12/2012 23:35

Jesus I've read some stuff on here lately but this takes the piss completely!!

Wtf!!!! Why is he entitled to bugger off over Xmas and leave you and dc's to it???
Sorry but no way!!!!

MrsMushroom · 22/12/2012 23:36

Don't destroy his passport....that's not right. However...I think you need to tell his parents and the SIL and cancel. And do it in front of DH.

AgentZigzag · 22/12/2012 23:38

What I meant by 'what will his family say when you tell them' OP, was if this is the norm from him then they won't be surprised, but if it's out of character and there's maybe something you should be worrying about because it's so dramatic, then what could that something be?

But reading Patricia said about the possible reasons he might be doing this - that would be just so fucking wrong.

You make it sound like you haven't really said anything about it to him yet ( when you say 'need some perspective before i kick off'), what is it that's stopped you from kicking off already?

Is it possible for you to not know he's at the top end of unreasonableness?

Original poster
kaz1119 · 22/12/2012 23:45

doing strange things is not out of character. think his family would be rather surprised and dissapointed but not really shocked.
after being with him for a long time i kind of lost my sense re what is BU iyswim. hence the post.

OP posts:
MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 22/12/2012 23:46

He does sound a bit odds bodkins.

Have you told him how unnacceptable this is? You sound a bit resigned to it tbh (not a criticism btw, just an observation)

BerlinerBelle · 22/12/2012 23:47

Kaz

Hmm - you "need" some perspective before you kick off. Your 'Dh' invites his family round for Christmas (regardless of how nice or not they are they are still HIS - yes say the word - HIS family) and then decides he needs to fuck off to Cyprus for a break, that you are too skint to afford. I assume in the past 5 years he has never bothered to ask whether the finances could stretch to a little sojourn in the Med for the two of you?

And you are posting in AIBU????

Sweetheart, I wish there was a section for "DO I HAVE DOORMAT WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD" because this post would be better off there.

Seriously, how long has it been since you've trusted your own judgement? Do you have kids? Do you love him/want to stay with him? Where in your head/world is this OK?

But since you asked? No YAVDNBU. Now, are you going to do anything about it?

trixymalixy · 22/12/2012 23:48

I would hide his passport, pack his bags and show him the door. What a dick!

SantasENormaSnob · 22/12/2012 23:51

He is a cock end.

Op, this is in no way normal.

TidyDancer · 22/12/2012 23:52

Omg this is the weirdest Christmas post I think I've ever read on here. Wtf would you invite your family for Christmas then fuck off abroad?!

OP, hide his passport. He is behaving like a first class asshole.

I would be seriously considering the future of my relationship with someone like this. If DP did this to me and the DCs, he would be out on his ear. I was going to say I'd send him to his parents, but they wouldn't tolerate this shit either. I'm surprised your ILs do/will.

frankinsensible · 22/12/2012 23:52

I am very sorry for your situation OP but you really need to get your head together. I have been on another thread recently where posters were advising the OP to leave the relationship because her OH had decided not to come back home until Xmas eve! Compared to that you can see how far off the scale of normality your situation is - no normal relationship could survive such utterly selfish and bizzare behaviour.

BluelightsAndSirens · 22/12/2012 23:53

If you like them have them over and have some company over Christmas, your DC will love it .

You need to speak to him and see what his agenda is and hide his fucking passport

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 22/12/2012 23:54

Nope, wind up.
Or you're married to the world's greatest twat.
I prefer the first option .

CSIJanner · 22/12/2012 23:57

Post his passport to his mother. He can then explain why he has chosen to do this whilst grovelling to her to ask for it back

maddening · 23/12/2012 00:00

I second the passport idea - say you were feeling wild and wacky and it seemed like a funny joke.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 23/12/2012 00:04

Is it normal for him to book himself trips away without you?

ZebraInHiding · 23/12/2012 00:06

Oh dear. We don't know your Dh so this seems very Strange to us all. Could you explain more about being 'different'? Examples? It might help us understand a little?

clam · 23/12/2012 00:08

OK, so I've read your previous thread and to be honest, it sounds as if actually you'd have a nicer Christmas if he did fuck off to Cyprus. BUT, make sure you have access to enough money and tell him to not bother coming back.
Then change the locks.

NannyEggn0gg · 23/12/2012 00:37

If this is you OP:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1523788-How-can-I-force-him-to-leave-if-possible-at-all

Then I suggest you see a solicitor asap after Christmas, and your OH's bags packed ready for his return.

This isn't funny.

MerylStrop · 23/12/2012 00:41

Let him go
Change the locks and see a solicitor

Smeggnog · 23/12/2012 00:46

Perfect opportunity to change the locks. Wave him off then purge your house of all traces of him.

Then have a VERY merry Christmas.

Smeggnog · 23/12/2012 00:47

Obviously consult a solicitor too Blush

apostrophethesnowman · 23/12/2012 00:48

It's definitely not normal or acceptable behaviour.

I wonder if he's got another woman. If not then he's either a complete arsehole who you should remove from your life, or he's having a breakdown.

You need to deal with this and be honest with yourself.

Marzipanface · 23/12/2012 01:05

Tell him if he goes you will consult a solicitor.

If, of course, this thread isn't a wind-up.

lollilou · 23/12/2012 08:20

How could any Father not want to be with their dcs at Christmas? This is truly very wierd behaviour. You seem to be taking it very calmly op. If it were me I would have thrown his passport out the window and him after it.

ModernToss · 23/12/2012 09:57

Just read the thread linked to above. You have a 'severely disabled' child too?

Unbelievable. You CANNOT stay with this man!