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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or us DH (xmas and family related)

102 replies

kaz1119 · 22/12/2012 23:11

need some perspective before i kick off:

we have 2 DC.. DH's family ( MIL, Fil & his sister and her DD) life several hours away.

DH invited sister, her Dd and Mi & Fil over for xmas. Sil is lovely as is her DD and Fil. Mil is hard work (understatement).

anyways, DH just booked himself on a flight to cyprus on his own to have some 'time off'. in the meantime will have to play host to his family. my parents are away this xmas, so cannot join them.

i am livid. should also mention that we have not been on a holiday for 5 years as it is too costy for the 4 of us. this only adds to the insult.

wwyd... i am raging and cannot think clearly. or Aibu and should let him go and just make the bedt of it.
someone calm me down,please

OP posts:
InExitCelsisDeo · 22/12/2012 23:22

Different?

You must be different to think that this is in anyway appropriate.

BigShinyBaubles · 22/12/2012 23:22

Are you going to cancel his family coming? I bloody hope you are, if you put up with being treated like this then you're a mug.
If it were my OH he'd only need a one way ticket because there's no way he'd be welcomed back.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 22/12/2012 23:23

'Eccentric'.

What? Confused

I cannot even imagine a relationship where that would be ok.

Unless he's the returning Christ and he's planning the Apocalyse for New Year and needs a few days to get the details right.

Whereupon all Christmas and MIL angst will pale into insignificance.

Original poster
kaz1119 · 22/12/2012 23:23

as i said, his sis is great. and the grandparents are really looking forward to seeing the DC (and vice versa). would feel very mean to cancel Hmm

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 22/12/2012 23:23

"different" or not, he doesn't get to do this. Tell him to cancel the flight, or not bother coming back.

AgentZigzag · 22/12/2012 23:23

The only reason I can think of for someone to even entertain the thought of doing this would be OK, is when they're in an overwhelmingly stressful situation and they're fantasising about ways out of their predicament that don't involve suicide.

It's just such a dramatic and unusual way of behaving that surely the reasons for it must be dramatic/unusual?

WorraLorraTurkey · 22/12/2012 23:24

Can you stop sighing and kind of explain a bit more please OP?

Am I the only totally drunk confused poster here? Confused

What dates is he flying out and returning?

ChasedByBees · 22/12/2012 23:24

What the hell??? I would be incandescent.

susanann · 22/12/2012 23:24

as i said you need to find out why

AgentZigzag · 22/12/2012 23:25

'would feel very mean to cancel'

But it's not you kaz, it's him.

What do you think his family will say when you tell them what he's done.

Will they be surprised, or not?

storytopper · 22/12/2012 23:25

Thought this was a wind-up then read your thread from the summer. You don't sound very happy in general, apart from this latest episode.

Think hard about what you are getting out of this marriage. From what you have written so far, there are not a lot of positives.

Damash12 · 22/12/2012 23:25

Uh am I getting this right? His family are coming for Xmas but he's booked himself a holiday??? That's not normal, it's just bizarre that anyone would do that. There's got to be more to it. If my husband said he was popping off on his own over Xmas he wouldn't have a home to come back too... Crazy!! Good luck

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 22/12/2012 23:27

And I thought my husband was being a shit when he sloped off to the pub one Christmas for an hour without discussing it.

You've got to be kidding me with this one.

Pandemoniaa · 22/12/2012 23:27

Does he have MH issues? Only this goes way beyond eccentricity.

PatriciaHolm · 22/12/2012 23:28

OP, you have previously posted that this man is emotionally and financially abusive. This is just another example of that then, isn't it? Are you entirely surprised? Did you see that solicitor back in July?

Toomuchturkeyatendofthedinner · 22/12/2012 23:28

This would be a marriage breaker for me, one way ticket only.

What a total twuntface. It's not eccentric, or different, it's just selfish thoughtless twunty knob bollox behaviour. He is just taking the utter, utter piss. Bin.

Original poster
kaz1119 · 22/12/2012 23:28

dont think he told his family yet... no idea.will try to get some sleep now and talk to him in the morning.

OP posts:
LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 22/12/2012 23:28

Oh ffs, people that cultivate this type of 'difference' and 'eccentricity' are just selfish twunts.

There is nothing interesting about not loving your wife and children enough to be around them for Christmas.

LTB, you must be worth more than this.

pingpongmerrilyonhigh · 22/12/2012 23:29

Have you told him how hurt, upset and cruel he is being to you and his DC
Have you told him to his face how rude he is being to his whole family?
Have you told him how hurt and unsupported you feel.
Are you actually sure he going away on his own. It seems a very bizzare thing for him to do.

I'd be on the phone to his family telling them he is going away to get "some time off" away from them.

Casmama · 22/12/2012 23:30

I hate to be the first one to say it but what are the chances he is taking another woman on holiday? He is treating ou like a omelette doormat OP.

Casmama · 22/12/2012 23:30

FFS you and complete doormat. Bloody iPad!

InExitCelsisDeo · 22/12/2012 23:31

I feel a bit sad now. Don't know the posters history but from what others have said it doesn't sound positive.

Sad
WorraLorraTurkey · 22/12/2012 23:31

I don't know what's weirder here

Him inviting his family and then fucking off for Christmas

Or you 'needing some perspective' and thinking it's eccentric? Confused

CoolaYuleA · 22/12/2012 23:32

kaz "different" is not a euphemism for "being a selfish prick".

Unless of course by "different" you mean "has no consideration for anyone else".

No matter how eccentric or different he is one of the fundamental tenets of marriage and being a parent is that you consider the feelings and needs of your spouse and children.

This isn't eccentric behaviour, it's not "different" - there are plenty of selfish bastards in the world, male and female. Your DH isn't "different" he is, unfortunately, all too familiar.

If my husband announced this I would tell him to cancel now, and would still consider leaving him. If he actually went he wouldn't be coming back through the door.

Don't care how "different" your DH might be, his behaviour is appalling - and by saying it's because he is "eccentric" and "different" you are making excuses for inexcusable behaviour. You can choose not to put up with this.

He has looked at you, his children and HIS family and voted with his feet to the nearest airport. That shows how little he respects you all. I'd be voting with my feet too - firmly up his ass booting him permanently out the door.

TalkativeJim · 22/12/2012 23:32

Quite seriously, I would wait until the day before he goes and the destroy his passport.

Is there a reason why you don't feel you can do that OP?

Oh and he's not 'eccentric' or 'different' - he's a knob.