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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On call

124 replies

BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 20:22

AIBU To refuse to go on the "on call" rota if/when I return to work?

On call would be once a week and one wknd in 4 from Friday 5.30pm to Monday 9am.

If I get a call out, I have to travel 30 miles to the lab, pack up lifesaving blood products, wait for a courier to collect them and then drive 30 miles home. All for £30 a call out.

I did it previously and was happy to be on call until I was 34 weeks pregnant with dc3.

I'm due to return to work end of January. DS is still EBF (and weaning) but I breastfeed him minimum of 4 times in 24 hours.

DH is a self employed plumber and is on call for plumbing emergencies 24/7.
He is also main breadwinner.

The likelihood of us both being called out at the same time is very slim, I realise that, but my DCs come first and in the event that we did both get called out in the middle of the night or otherwise, I wouldn't be happy having to drag them on a 60 mile round trip. There's no way they could go with DH either.

I happened to mention this to a colleague today at a mutual friends birthday party, and she just looked daggers at me Hmm

It's a massive bone of contention with her anyway as she is the person who gets called when anything goes wrong, but AIBU to refuse to do this?

OP posts:
redexpat · 22/12/2012 21:31

Could you maybe negotiate not being on call until the baby is a year old? Because by that age you can leave them with someone else. Could you recruit a student to babysit one weekend in 4? I also like the buddy system suggested for your DH.

Original poster
BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 21:49

Thank you for all the responses. I am going to speak to HR after Christmas - if we cannot find a compromise, then I will work my notice period and leave.

I'm sorry again if I have offended anyone with my attitude towards this. I really didn't mean to.

OP posts:
katykuns · 22/12/2012 21:55

I can see your dilemma! I would definitely talk to your HR about it. there is no harm in asking Smile
I personally think that although it may be a little selfish, you DO have to make it work for your family. there should be a little lenience seeing you have a baby.
Maybe I am equally selfish Grin. I would personally see how it goes, and if not in your favour, start looking for other work.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2012 21:56

don't be impulsive.quitting work is major.can you financially manage?
if youre union member see union, arrange hr meeting
wouldn't you be better looking for job from a job.or do you want to leave anyway

Original poster
BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 22:02

Financially we would be ok if I left. Providing DH keeps on building a portfolio of work, and building his client base - which is why his callout service is so important.

I had agreed a childcare routine with my friend who also works pt.
She will have ds when I'm at work, and I will have her dd when she's at work. We're lucky that our days off oppose and we can do this and save a fortune in childcare costs.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 22/12/2012 22:02

If your DH is self employed I'd think very, very carefully about resigning from a job that gives your family a regular, guaranteed income.

How many nights does he get call outs? Would it really mean that for those nights a month turning down any work would be costing your family more than 3 days a week work? Could you be certain that he will get work pretty much nightly?

You definately would have an arguement for reducing the number of call out nights covered in relation to the number of days you will be working. You might also find there are solutions like inviting family for weekends you are covering so there's another adult in the house, asking round neighbours if any have a teenager who'd be happy to sit with your DCs while you were called out etc (if you were able to give them the nights in advance and pay a 'retainer' for those nights).

Making it work for your family so that you aren't reliant on the income from a self employed person who's only just building their business.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2012 22:14

I think it's based on ifs..if dh business takes off.that's a big if in a recession
I agree your on call needs to be pro-rata, but I wouldn't resign til I'd seen union and hr
three kids and a new business yiu need stability not packing in work.it's big commitment on dh

foslady · 22/12/2012 22:34

Sorry OP, but you knew how the job worked before you got pregnant with DC3. You've had since hitting the blue line to figure something out, why leave it until now? It's not exactly being a team player is it? Surely you can see why your workmates would be unhappy? Regardless of having children or not, they still have lives.....
Is there another lab without a call out that you could ask to transfer to assuming this is NHS?

MidniteScribbler · 22/12/2012 22:34

I wouldn't be prepared to cover extra on call work because a colleague thought that having a child meant they could opt-out of part of the job. You'd get daggers and more (formal complaints to management) from me.

MichelleRooJnr · 22/12/2012 22:35

If it's optional then YANBU.

I do not do optional on call while everyone else at my work at my level does.
I don't want to.
When I'm not at work - I'm not at work.

If it's contracted then YABU - like others have said, you signed up to it so you either do it or find a more suitable job.

Original poster
BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 22:36

DH has just done a year, he's had plenty of work coming through, lots of emergency callouts where he's done a temporary bodge fix and this has then led to more work in more sociable hours IYSWIM.

He has secured contracts with local council for school repairs and local police for emergency boarding up etc so this is good.

He has been very ungreedy about his call outs and charges around half of what other plumbers in the area charge. He also knocks the call out fee off the final bill if he gets the job after the initial emergency - this has led to some really good jobs coming through tbh. He is honest, fair and his customers see that.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 22:40

I'm not NHS - we are one of a kind in the uk so no other lab to transfer to.

I've just let DH read this, we are now both thinking that I'm going to have to give my notice sooner rather than later.

DH has jobs booked in as far ahead as May next year, and though this could change, we hope it won't!!

OP posts:
foslady · 22/12/2012 22:42

If you want to be a SAHM, be one - all I keep seeing is how dh's business has taken off (and therefore you wanting a justified reason not to go back after your mat leave). So OK, I give you permission., Is that what you want?ConfusedHmm

helenlynn · 22/12/2012 22:52

I'm really surprised to see such a hostile response to the desire for family-compatible working arrangements. The OP's been content to be on call with her two younger children, but now her family circumstances have changed and she can no longer undertake on-call duties because they might mean waking two kids and a baby in the middle of a school night and and leaving them unsupervised somewhere in a deserted nighttime lab while she gets stuff ready for shipping. It doesn't seem to me as though she's trying to shirk a minor inconvenience.

I thought DontmindifIdo's suggestion of asking for no/reduced on-call time in the form of a flexible working request was reasonable and sensible. It's up to your employer to judge whether it's in their interests to accommodate you and retain you, or whether it would be too much of an imposition on other members of staff or simply not possible.

I don't think it's unreasonable for colleagues who don't have young children, or who have a partner who can provide childcare, to cover for someone in these circumstances. If I were in the position of having to cover more on-calls because of this, I wouldn't like the extra work, but given that I do have a partner who can be relied upon to be at home and not everyone does, I don't think I could reasonably moan about it. Presumably the OP accepts that the flip side of not doing on-calls until she has a teen old enough to be in charge of the younger two, or until her partner's working arrangements change, is that she should later be willing to shoulder more of the burden.

Also, if I need blood products I really want the person getting them ready for shipping to be concentrating on packing up the right quantities of the right stuff with the right packing materials, and not wondering what their toddler is getting up to in some unchildproofed break room.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2012 22:53

is this about seeking a reason to pack in work and be housewife?
great dh business doing well,that's fab but recession I'd retain 1 steady wage
is this about on call, or do you really want to pack in work

scottishmummy · 22/12/2012 22:59

bizarre premise Helen,you imply worker less skilled or distracted because parent?
plenty parents work skilled jobs undistracted by thoughts of their toddlers
including police,labs,social work,hospital staff.being parent doesn't=distracted

MrsKeithRichards · 22/12/2012 23:03

If he's doing well he should be able to get someone to cover one weekend in 4 if need be.

I'm the wife of a self employed tradesmen, it's had tremendous ups and soul destroying downs (ours more illness related but no paid sick etc) and I think it would be crazy to turn your back on a steady income just now. You'll work it out.

FestiveElement · 22/12/2012 23:03

Do you and your husband actually discuss anything?

helenlynn · 22/12/2012 23:05

The OP's been content to be on call with her two younger children
I mean her two older children, of course!

MrsKeithRichards · 22/12/2012 23:06

I do think it's a bit odd he's put himself out there as an on call plumber undercutting all and sundry knowing full well you work on call as well.

TheSecondComing · 22/12/2012 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 23:10

DH and I discuss everything thanks.

I don't need anyone's permission to become SAHM.

If I do end up leaving this paid employment, I will happily return and volunteer for them at my convenience.

DHs business going well now, but I'm only too aware it could all go horribly wrong.

And Helen, bang on. You're not implying that lone parents/parents are less skilled etc than non-parents, but yes if I had to leave 3 DCs unsupervised in a lab while I packed blood products, my margin of error would increase as I'd naturally be concerned I'd left them alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 23:11

We're East Midlands SecndComing :)

OP posts:
FestiveElement · 22/12/2012 23:15

You are absolutely right, you don't need anyone's permission to be a SAHM. In the circumstances you describe and in the way you are coming across, it seems like giving up work would be the right thing for you to do.

It just seems strange that you have waited until the stage where you are thinking about going back to work to consider what will happen in the event of a very obvious and predictable situation. Surely you would have talked about all this when your DH decided to start his business, and it would have occurred to you then that giving up work might be the best option if the business goes well.

Original poster
BabylonElf · 22/12/2012 23:16

But why weird MrsKR ?

He's been doing this only since I started mat leave. It's taken off for him so far, he'd be daft to turn work away.
And though he is undercutting other plumbers, he charges a fair - and not an extortionate - fee.
He's doing everything he can to support his family, having spent three years as a SAHD for dd1 & dd2.

OP posts: