To think this is not fair to my parents - Xmas present

[crossatbro]

My parents are in their 80s, DF in particular is not well and recovering from a cancer operation. My brother lives in US with his family. This year 9 members of the UK family side have received the equivalent of a Kitkat each as Christmas presents - chocolate + postage has come to £12 in total for 9 people. For 9 people. My husband and I have eaten our 2 fingers each of KitKat already.

We have asked what he is sending for my parents, still time to order something from Amazon or M&S.

Today he has emailed to say that he is sponsoring Christmas lunch for a 'family in need' and has asked me to print out a certificate for my elderly parents to open on Christmas Day. This certificate will inform them that they are buying lunch for a needy family.

I cannot do this, it will be like kicking kittens. They have had no warning of this and have sent beautiful, thoughtful presents. I went to see them today. They are OLD.

I have been waiting to sort the wording out to email back.

"If he wants to put money for them into a charity, he can put money into cancer research. "

I don't see why you think you can tell him what to buy for your parents, and certainly you can't tell him what charity to donate to.

On the other hand, if this is what he wants to do why is he going through you and asking you to give them the certificate? Why didn't he send it with the kitkats?

I've no idea what you parents will think of a charity gift, so I can't comment, but if they are frail and needing practical help, a nice "thoughtful" present is surely neither here nor there.

This thread has taken a rather odd turn but reading it I wanted to ask if you were really upset about the gift or the fact, as it seems, that you and your sister seem to be dps carers and, reading btw the lines your brother doesn't visit or share the burden or worry.

Hope you are ok

OP are you ok?

Don't be embarrassed to come back on the thread OP - we want to know you're okay and I hope others won't flame you for a silly, thoughtless joke if it was one.

Re the issue at hand - you've done all you can. You went back to your bro and he doesn't see anything wrong with his gift so just let it was over you. Not your problem or responsibility.

Fwiw - I've asked for a charity donation from my dc. I really like the idea. But I agree the key word is ASKED.

It is not your place to tell your brother what to buy his parents for Christmas, you can refuse to assist but back away from interfering, it's not your place.
I agree that charity giving should not be confused with gift giving, it sort of confirms to me that gift giving is too much about the money spent rather than effort and thought expended.
Assuming the teeth being knocked out post was a joke poorly expressed.

We don't know for sure that the post about the teeth was by OP - it was a different user name. Could be someone else having a joke.