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Original poster

10 year old son's sexual jokes and innuendos - should I ignore?!

71 replies

RedandGold · 20/12/2012 22:50

Its a very recent thing. Occasionally it is humourous, a bit Benny Hill. But other times he goes on and on, it can be annoying and a bit OTT to be honest. I've tried putting put my foot down and even got angry, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. He's otherwise generally well-behaved reasonable boy!

Someone please -

Tell me this is a phase...

Tell me when it will stop ...

Tell me when ...

Or do I really, really have to put my foot down?

OP posts:
Original poster
RedandGold · 20/12/2012 22:51

p.s. He doesn't do joke like this around other people e.g. strangers, my friends, grandparents, only me.

OP posts:
Ifyoulike · 20/12/2012 22:52

If he's only doing it around you, then he's probably looking to you to guide him as to how acceptable it is.

I'd try and strongly nip it in the bud personally.

peaceandlovebunny · 20/12/2012 22:56

tell him its not on. keep it for the playground.

WorraLorraTurkey · 20/12/2012 22:57

I've tried putting put my foot down and even got angry, but it doesn't seem to make any difference

Then punish him Confused

If he won't stop when asked and he won't stop when told...he's being disobedient no matter what it is he's doing.

DoctorAnge · 20/12/2012 22:59

No don't leave it pull him up on it - he is looking to you to check him.

This is not nice. DSS used to do it and I would tell him in no uncertain terms we were not going to accept this.

Ifyoulike · 20/12/2012 23:00

Also, be careful if you are occasionally laughing at his jokes (you said you sometimes find them humourous), as this will send him an extremely mixed message... he won't be able to figure out why some are funny and some aren't.

MrsMushroom · 20/12/2012 23:00

You really need to let him know it's not on. The days of boys being allowed to talk "rude" are over....in school it could get him into trouble too...there are many schools adopting a stance of no tolerance on sexual harassment....which may seem extreme to some but not to little girls who get uncomfortable with sexual "jokes"

Explain that some humour isn't appropriate and can not only make others feel uncomfortable but also gt him into trouble.

squeakytoy · 20/12/2012 23:04

Yes he should be pulled up on it, because this is how kids test boundaries. If its ok in front of the parent, then it is ok in front of others.

Who wants a son to grow up thinking that making sexual innuendo comments to girls and women is always acceptable.

Original poster
RedandGold · 20/12/2012 23:06

From what people are saying it seems I might have to set some clear boundaries. I just thought it might be a short phase, but perhaps not.

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2012 23:07

Can you give an example OP? I think it depends on what it is.

My dad always used to make very mild innuendos around us - Benny Hill or Carry On style. I wouldn't consider that 'harassment' and although it's a bit naff, probably wouldn't step on it. But if it's saltier or more explicit, maybe.

tbh I find it a bit odd he's doing it around you though. I remember finding sex hilarious at that age, but it was a strictly friends-only subject for joke purposes.

Original poster
RedandGold · 20/12/2012 23:13

It is pretty Benny Hill, and my son is a bit of a natural comedian, so I don't want to be too po-faced about it either. But I think he does overstep the line sometimes.

Yeah, I'm not sure why suddenly the innuendo/jokes are around me exactly. Its all completely out of the blue in the last couple of months. He may or may not joke like this amongst his friends (maybe a bit). But I know he wouldn't do it around other adults like his grandparents, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
RedandGold · 20/12/2012 23:17

Also, I was wondering if there are other parents also who had this problem with their sons around this age, and if they grew out of it or needed more of a nudge...

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2012 23:18

Hmm.... I remember once swearing in front of my mum, who is pretty unshockable, and she just said 'Save it for your peers, daughter!' She always calls me 'daughter', randomly. I guess it just made the point about audiences: innuendos aren't bad, but there are times and places........

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 21/12/2012 00:34

You could always use it as a way into the birds and bees talk. A very detailed factual droning on boring one!

Or every time just tell him to save it for his friends

Or just don't respond

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 21/12/2012 00:39

Do you think he is doing it for effect? To get a reaction? Or because he is going through lots of changes physically and is trying to use humor to come to terms with things? Does he want to discuss things with you properly? Just throwing random ideas at you!

AloeSailor · 21/12/2012 00:41

This isn't acceptable and as his most important female role model you need to show him this.

megandraper · 21/12/2012 00:44

Where is it coming from OP? Is it other kids in the playground? Or is there an adult in his life who's encouraging this?

F0xyLady · 21/12/2012 00:51

I distinctly remember my little brother going through this phase.

He would counter EVERYTHING you said with "that's what she/he said", "oo-er missus", "said the actress to the bishop" or "nudge, nudge, wink, wink".

If was funny at first, but got boring very quickly.

I remember my mum just ignoring him, and rolling her eyes. He grew out of it quite quickly when he realised it didn't impress the girls Grin

Ifyoulike · 21/12/2012 00:58

Thats the thing though, whether its a phase or not will depend largely on what reaction he gets.

If he gets the impression that what he's saying is hilarious and charming, he'll probably carry on.

If he realises some people might find it upsetting or crude, he'll be more likely to change his behaviour.

I think the fact that he's just doing it around his mum is pretty blatant 'testing the waters' behaviour. Smile

TheNebulousBoojum · 21/12/2012 01:11

'tell him its not on. keep it for the playground.'

WTF? I don't think so lovebunny, he tries it on when I'm on duty and he's facing a number of serious consequences until he realises that the girls don't have to put up with Benny Hill smut in their lives for any reason and the boys are all shown that sexual jokes and innuendo are inappropriate humour. Why do you want your DS to be seen as a sexist, smutty and badly-parented child with few moral boundaries in place? Why should female pupils have to put up with him, and the atmosphere he will be creating around him? Why should other boys feel they either have to laugh or take a moral stance? FFS, Benny Hill? He was crass thirty years ago.
He's doing it around you because you find it acceptable and amusing.
I have to deal with the fallout. You twat.

steppemum · 21/12/2012 01:11

bit shocked at how po faced everyone is!!
my ds is 10 and he is doing exactly this, quite recent move on from toilet humour (pooh and bums stuff). Some of them are funny and we laugh.

The key is to help him understand the line between funny and inappropriate.

Since the toilet humour days we have had a couple of rules

  1. not at the dinner table
  2. some jokes are for the playgorund and I don't want to hear it
  3. When I stay stop, that means stop, or you go to your room
  4. You have to be responsible about who is listening - he has 2 younger dds

These work well, I tell him when he is breaking a basic rule, doesn't take much now, just a 'not at the table please' or a 'I don't want to hear ot save ot for the playground' and he usually stops.
With the more 'sexual' stuff - and it is pretty Benny Hill - I will be a bit clearer 'that is inappropriate, you shouldn't be using that word/language'

But I think this is absolutely typical 10 year old boy stuff, I remember my brothers doing it. So my responses are quite clear but relaxed and low key, as I think a reaction makes it funny. But also if it is funny I will laugh and we will share a joke!

TheNebulousBoojum · 21/12/2012 01:13

What about the girls he's making uncomfortable at school?
Would you like him to face an old-fashioned response from a father?

youngermother1 · 21/12/2012 01:15

agree testing the boundaries but make sure where the boundaries are. They are not just Mum/other adult, they are also inappropriate at school.

inchoccyheaven · 21/12/2012 01:16

I think it really does depend on what he is saying. When ds1 started secondary school last year, all of a sudden innocent words like melons,balls etc became highly hilarious and he would turn a conversation into an innuendo.

It was obvious he had been picking things up at school and to be honest it didn't bother me. It could sometimes get a bit repetative but we ( DH and I) would just roll our eyes at him or tell him that was enough.

However I also found it really useful to question him about some of the things he said to make sure he really did know what they meant rather than just copying what others had said without understanding the meaning.

steppemum · 21/12/2012 01:18

Boojum
I can see from your response, that your understanding and mine of what the jokes are are very different, so before you react to my post, can I just say I would never let my ds say things which are sexist or offensive to the girls, and that would be one of the things I would tell him is unacceptable. By Benny Hill, I guess what I mean is that it is all a bit innocent, not overtly sexual, more giggly stuff.

'Save it for the playground' is recognising that boys (and girls) have conversations among themselves that we as adults are not and do not need always to be privy to. I am happy for him to make bum and pooh jokes for example with his friemds, and expect him not to make them around adults.