10 year old son's sexual jokes and innuendos - should I ignore?!

[RedandGold]

Its a very recent thing. Occasionally it is humourous, a bit Benny Hill. But other times he goes on and on, it can be annoying and a bit OTT to be honest. I've tried putting put my foot down and even got angry, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. He's otherwise generally well-behaved reasonable boy!

Someone please -

Tell me this is a phase...

Tell me when it will stop ...

Tell me when ...

Or do I really, really have to put my foot down?

I tell my son, 'that is NOT suitable for your mother and sister, have some respect, save it for your friends' - seems to be sinking in, slowly.....

My Ds11 is like this. Dry humping the air Keith Lemon style that sort of behaviour. I have told him it is completely inappropriate.

I keep wanting to tell him to grow up, and then remember he is only 11 though. I would be mortified if he behaved like that in public, although I do think a lot of it is him hitting puberty.

We do not need examples. OP says they are sexual jokes and innuendos. That's enough information.

Sexual equals pertaining to the sexual parts of the body or the sexual functions of the body.

Use your imagination.

Pointless asking her to quote him! It will only result in a silly debate "Oh that's not on" versus "Oh don't be so prudish that's fine!"

Well that is pretty much the debate we have anyway - 'no its not on' vs 'it's fine'.
Besides, isn't 99% of 'debate' on aibu pretty silly.

I think I can ask for examples if I want - notwithstanding that the op clearly doesn't want to give any.

Of course you can ask for them...just pointing out what will happen if they're given. As it stands, we have a pretty strong indication that its best to discourage sexual jokes as inappropriate unless among very close friends who are comfortable with that. As most ten year old's are not old enough to grasp this type of humour or how uncomfortable it can make others...it is best to discourage.

It's fine to ask for examples especially in this case. 'Benny Hill' can mean anything from harmless humour or sexist jokes.

\I disagree. Benny Hill's humour was almost ALL sexist shite. The OP states her son's behaviour includes sexual jokes and innuendos. Benny HIll style. So surely that equates to sexist.

Harmless non sexual humour is Mr Bean style. And as I said...OP clearly says "Sexual jokes and innuendo"

Next time he comes out with something, I'd ask him if he really wants to be "that boy", the one who makes the girls feel uncomfortable/disgusted and who the boys think is a bit of a sex-obsessed idiot.

I'm not sure. I still want an example.

Telling me a bit pissily that i don't apparently isn't changing my mind

well I think the example above about someone saying middlesex and their ds rolling about is the sort of thing my ds does and thinks is hilarious. That is exactly the sort of double entendre he finds side splitting. He knows not to say it in front of younger dds, but he thinks it is very funny.

I don't think that is aimed against girls, or hurtful to anyone, just immature (how is he going to manage sex ed next year!)

I don't think sexual innuendo is necessarily anti women. In this example it is just a word - sex which sets him off.

Anything anti women or hurtful would be inappropriate, but most of it is just roll your eyes and carry on

I'm not sure I like this idea of not making rude jokes in female company tbh. There will be some things unique to the male or femae experience that might be less suited to a mixed audience but as a rule anything that might offend the opposite sex is probably a shit, sexist joke that has no place in any company.

And none of the girls I know are such delicate little things that they'd find sniggering about Middlesex in any way threatening. Good grief, I'd worry if they did.

steppe I have very clear memories of my friend and I finding sex ed hilarious when we were 16 (and already more active in the bedroom department than I am now )

well, i think i made simple sexual innuendo jokes from fairly young, and there's no harm in it, though obviously i don't find the same things funny now!

we had sex ed age 10. Screamingly funny.

i don't presume it to be anti-female or anything, but then, we haven't been given an example...

I still want an example too!

Now I definitely wouldn't class sniggering at MiddleSEX as being sexist. That's pretty much the same as sniggering at bum, and fart, and all those hilarious words from a couple of years earlier. And girls do that as well as boys.

If he's 10 years old, why not talk with him about it. Just saying something is bad, not nice, offensive or suitable only in certain situations (not around girls, say,) doesn't get to the nub of the matter. Saying something is wrong without explaining why you think it is may make a young person want to do it even more.

If you're a 10 year old girl and hear sexual innuendo (which is often a "nice" term for jokes about female sexuality, the female body or some version of boys wanting to do a sex act with a girl,) it can actually make you feel pretty shit, if not actually threatened, for example if 2 or 3 boys are all doing it. Even where the boys don't really understand what it all means and are just showing off or trying it for a laugh, it can still be experienced as hurtful. Would it be possible to talk to him about how it might feel for a girl to hear things like this, or a boy who has a sister that they don't want to feel hurt by the language? Perhaps talk about sometimes hurtful language can feel like bullying to the other person, and that it can move to acts that are even more hurtful to the other person (e.g. not unusual for 10 year old boys to pop bra straps, pinch bottoms or breasts or rub up against girls.)

Okay, maybe he's just saying stupid stuff like, "oh I've got a big willy" or stuff about balls and bottoms, but I get the sense that some of it must be related to sex with girls and/or girls' bodies. There can be no harm in talking with him about these things and maybe some pennies will start to drop.

If he were making jokes in a similar vein involving racial differences, or differences of disabled people, what would you do?

Exactly double

My ds used to watch Strictly and shout woo hoo every time he saw one of the dancer's knickers - he was 5. Lots of sniggering which soon fizzled out if ignored, just a follow on from laughing at toilet humour when he was younger.

ITs an interesting one. Thanks, especially Mrs Mushroom, I haven't given an example for reasons you say, and also because I respect my son's privacy and don't want him to be attacked unfairly, which could happen. I can take it (just about) on MN, but you know its more sensitive re. one's children. Also what Steppemum says its not anti-women or said around girls, ... it just goes on too much sometimes at home, which is where the reining in comes in.

When I originally posted I just wanted someone to say yeah, forget it, ignore, this will last 6 months, its a phase, and then it will pass, like all the other phases, but that didn't happen haha.

Interesting point about male sexual humour. I personally dislike Keith Lemon, Jimmy Carr and Co, but I did find myself recently with some male company and the sexual jokes amongst the men were very funny indeed. In fact it was as if they were really trying to make the couple of women in their company laugh (it worked despite ourselves!) but thats been a rare but fun grown-up experience lets say. It wasn't offensive (well someone went a bit OTT at the end but heh), so I get Jenai Mathis's point too.

God I used to tell jokes like that when I was younger than your ds and I'm a girl! I remember getting a row at Brownies for telling a friend a sex joke (something about someone getting their willy stuck in something) by one of the Owls 'we are IN A CHURCH!' and my parents found a load of pictures me and my bf had drawn ( aged eight) of boobs and willies which we thought were HI-larious. My parents were a bit disturbed I think :)