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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

10 year old son's sexual jokes and innuendos - should I ignore?!

71 replies

RedandGold · 20/12/2012 22:50

Its a very recent thing. Occasionally it is humourous, a bit Benny Hill. But other times he goes on and on, it can be annoying and a bit OTT to be honest. I've tried putting put my foot down and even got angry, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. He's otherwise generally well-behaved reasonable boy!

Someone please -

Tell me this is a phase...

Tell me when it will stop ...

Tell me when ...

Or do I really, really have to put my foot down?

OP posts:

Startail · 21/12/2012 01:29

hang on if he's only doing this at home why is anyone worrying.

Unless he is offending a younger sister why isn't the OP just ignoring him.

If she really wants continuous innuendo I can lend her DH, DD1 and somedays DD2.
You would think my, sweet looking 11 and 14 year olds wouldn't know about such things.

DD1's outwardly very prim private girl school educated BF gives hilarious lessons in the facts of life.

Seriously OP its part of growing up.

TheOneWithTheHair · 21/12/2012 01:29

I think if he is already refraining from saying he jokes around other people he is aware they can be inappropriate. This is good.

I think he's saying them to you to show he is growing up and maturing. This is his interpretation of what that means.

Try responding something like,

"Oh yes ds. Very clever - not. You know these jokes can be offensive so if you don't stop then xxxx will happen."

Then make sure you stick to whatever consequence you've given.

TheNebulousBoojum · 21/12/2012 01:30

Fair enough, but tits and arse jokes and jiggley boobs gestures, twanging bra straps, grabbing your own crotch to show what you'd like to do, 'Phoaar' comments.
OP said sexual jokes and innuendo, not poo and willy and bum/fart jokes.
Have you dealt with the consequences of a girl feeling unhappy and vulnerable at being in that sort of environment, to the point where she can't concentrate and feels under threat?
If the girls were allowed to give them a swift kick in the balls to even things up, I might feel differently. Do you want the atmosphere in school to be that sexually charged?

inchoccyheaven · 21/12/2012 01:32

I agree with you steppemum I have told ds1 that you have to judge the situation. None of the stuff he was saying was that rude just a bit silly and tbh honest we can all be abit silly in our house about such stuff.

I have also said to him I know it is likely that at some point he will swear with his mates, and that's fine as long as it is not in the ear shot of young children or adults.

You can't pretend these things won't happen and if I hear either of my sons say sexist stuff that offends me then I will challenge them.In fact we had a discussion the other day about jobs women can't do that men can, and at first they said jobs that required a lot of strength, which I gave them examples of that not being true, so in the end the only job they could come up with was a penis model

TheNebulousBoojum · 21/12/2012 01:33

Yes, I have been known to say that 'Your family might think it is amusing, but it is not acceptable to me, or to the school and if I need to have your parents in to explain that to them, I will do so'
They usually decide to keep their offensive behaviour and language for an appreciative audience.

steppemum · 21/12/2012 01:39

well my ds thinks anythign to do with sex is hysterical at the moment, as someone earlier said you can't say words like balls, or melons without giggles. I can't think of an example which is why I used to old bum and farts example, which is now a bit dated
Also at the moment, none of it is directed against girls, it is sex which is funny. The boob jestures, bra twanging and crotch clutching are way beyond where ds is. (wish I could remember what was killing him with laughter yesterday). If there was any suggestion of that there would be a problem.

I do still think though that a group of boys (and girls) will have conversations among themsleves which they need to have, and which I don't need to be part of. If that is happening in a place or a way which causes trouble, then it is not appropriate is it?

TheNebulousBoojum · 21/12/2012 01:47

My own two children are 18 and 21, and have mixed friendship groups. Yes, sexual innuendo and swearing, sleepovers and sex have all occurred in various ways and combinations over the last few years.
But that's not the point, is it?
The OP's son is making sexual jokes and comments, she needs to understand that as long as she finds them funny, he'll keep it up and there is a possibility that one day either he's going to get sanctioned by the school, slapped by an outraged girl or threatened by a parent. Those are the positive outcomes.
Or he could make one or more girls so uncomfortable that it impacts negatively on their own confidence and well-being and they stay silent and unhappy.

TheNebulousBoojum · 21/12/2012 01:49

Well, I suppose that is why primary schools have policies on sexual harassment now. Someone has to set the boundaries.

notnagging · 21/12/2012 04:27

My ds (9) is going through this but his twin brother isn't thankfully. I always pull him up on it & tell him to be respectful. I am the only female in my house & I think it is important for them to have respect for women. He is funny but does go over the top.

DoubleMum · 21/12/2012 06:14

I have a 10 yr old boy and he's so far from doing this that I'm desperate to know what these jokes could possibly be!

StuntGirl · 21/12/2012 09:20

I'm curious too, what sexual innuendo from a 10 year old could possibly be so hilarious?

Coconutty · 21/12/2012 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

melika · 21/12/2012 09:31

Its up to you to tell him what is acceptable to say to you and in company. I am always telling DSs and DH that I don't find some topics comfortable. I am no prude but youngest is 13 and he knows everything!

You are his parent, teach him the boundaries.

qo · 21/12/2012 09:33

When my ds was around the same age he asked me where I'd been born and he burst into uncontrollable laughter when I told him Suffolk.

I asked what's so funny? he said Suffolk, you know Suff-FUCK! then his uncle said, could have been worse she could have been born in Middlesex - cue another bout of uncontrollable laughter.

I consider that to be sexual joking/innuendo (fuck and sex basically) but definitely not offensive or sexist

melika · 21/12/2012 09:34

In fact, when it happens, my favourite saying is 'I think you are being Mr. Innappropriate!'

It comes from tv programme 'Balls of steel'.

BrianButterfield · 21/12/2012 09:42

KS3 boys are notorious for doing this in the classroom - imagine the pain of reading a novel with y9 with a character in called Little Willie! I have stopped doing some texts altogether as the giggles were so irritating. I don't "let" them do it although obviously it's impossible to stop totally - I do give hard stares and that tends to shut it down enough. But really, it is most of them. One book I read has someone "fingering" a piece of fabric and I have to make sure I'm reading that passage and read it very quickly otherwise the whole lesson is a disaster.

valiumredhead · 21/12/2012 09:43

revoltingp I say that to ds "That's playground talk young man, not front of your mother"

valiumredhead · 21/12/2012 09:44

What are the jokes OP?

Coconutty · 21/12/2012 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaursOnASleigh · 21/12/2012 09:52

I have a 10 year old boy. I would do so shocked if he made a joke with a sexual innuendo in it as it is just totally nothing like him. I can't imagine him saying anything with a sexual undertone, I can't think of any examples of jokes your ds could be telling?

I had a friend once whose 7 year old would make jokes about tits and balls, etc (thanks to his older brothers 15 and 12 - they were worse than him, think oral sex and 'baggy fanny" jokes) and I thought the whole lot of them were vile and didn't let my boys have anything to do with them - who brings their children up to talk like that! (Infront of their mother who thought it was funny) Not aimed at you btw OP this just reminded me of them.

valiumredhead · 21/12/2012 09:58

This is why we need an example of the jokes.

JenaiMathis · 21/12/2012 10:07

We absolutely need an example of the jokes.

Pagwatch · 21/12/2012 10:08

It is impossible to comment unless the Op gives some examples.

'Benny Hill type stuff' says different things to different people.

So examples would help.

Wallace · 21/12/2012 10:11

Definitely need an example. One person's really inappropriate is another's just a little rude.

Original poster

RedandGold · 21/12/2012 10:26

Its good to get a broader range of ideas and experience here on MN. Startrail and others made me laugh!

Perhaps some children are just more like this than others? I don't think he gets it from me or anyone around us; though I have been told I have a good sense of humour its probably more cerebral!. I know someone who has two boys, one who makes sexual jokes and his brother who would simply never dream of it.

Temperamentally my son is fairly outgoing and comedic, so that may be part of it. I was also wondering if it was hormones startin' up too.

I think I just need to think about reining it in at times.

Thanks for your input.

OP posts:

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