Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel completely suffocated?

124 replies

alisunshine29 · 20/12/2012 21:22

My baby is almost 7 months, DD1 is 5 and OH works away. DD2 is EBF and attached to me literally about 23 hours a day, maybe more. I can't have a shower without her crying the entire time, everything else I do one handed. She'll go in her Jumperoo for 5 mins at best, she'll play with toys but only with me right there. I thought it'd get better once she could sit unaided, but it hasn't. She cries with anyone but me. I am desperate to spend some time with DD1/OH but it's impossible. If OH is home, I still do everything for the kids as otherwise DD2 screams the house down making DD1 feel guilty for spending time with me. Once DD1 is in bed, DD2 will only sleep on me so OH and I feel nervous to talk/have TV too loud in case we wake her. It's ridiculous. We long to be able to cuddle/have sex but the longest DD2 will go down for before realising I'm not there is 10 mins. I co-slept with DD1 and loved it but DD2 wants to feed literally all night, I cannot move without her stirring and latching on again. In the day she'll only sleep on me or if walking in carrier/pushchair - the second I stop she wakes. I just want to be able to have time with DD1/OH, have a bath, read, just have a wee bit of time away from DD2 without her being utterly miserable. AIBU?

OP posts:
PetiteRaleuse · 24/12/2012 17:28

What other advice? Masses of it on this thread OP, though you don't like it. I ould be a gibbering wreck in your position.. Dd2 is 2 months and only wakes once during the night and although I recognise I am lucky I still feel sleep deprived and wonder how the hell I would cope in your position.

One thing I would do is perhaps take a step back, listen to advice and start trying even the things I thought I never would, because there is no sodding way someone can live life like you are doing and not crack at some point or have a negative effect on the other people in your family that you have responsibilty towards.

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 24/12/2012 17:31

Honestly? I would put her down in her cot and leave her to scream for 10 minutes after she's had her morning feed. Then the next day I'd leave her for 11 minutes, then 12 etc etc. It is the only way I got my DD to settle without me - eventually she went to sleep without me.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 24/12/2012 17:31

It's all well and good saying you still left them with people - I do not have anyone to leave her with. So no I won't get a medal for her only settling for me, but not everyone has lots of people around to help.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/12/2012 17:34

Ok so you won't leave her cry, can't leave her with anyone, DP is no help, you won't try a dummy or a bottle etc etc etc
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? She is clearly making you miserable...or is she and do you actually quite enjoy the whole martyr bit?

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 24/12/2012 17:34

I think me doing things one-handed with DD1 with a happy DD2 in tow is better than leaving DD2 to cry while I do things with DD1. DD1 agrees, luckily - it is me that misses alone time with her.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/12/2012 17:35

Right so actually you are quite happy to carry on as you are ....righto....shame it took 81 posts to get to that point

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 24/12/2012 17:37

I have no one to leave her with, she will not take a bottle, I won't leave her to cry. I may try a dummy. She doesn't make me miserable, I just miss my time with DH and DD1 that's all.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/12/2012 17:38

So why start a thread asking for advice when you clearly are willing to continue exactly as you are?

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 24/12/2012 17:39

I'd rather ride it out than leave her to cry, yes. So if that's the only advice I could try then I'd rather not, thanks all the same.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 24/12/2012 17:39

Well you'll just have to wait until she grows out of this phase then. She will eventually.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/12/2012 17:40

It wasn't the only advice offered.....

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 24/12/2012 17:40

Because I thought there may be better advice than to leave her to cry, apparently there is not.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/12/2012 17:41
Original poster
alisunshine29 · 24/12/2012 17:41

It is the only doable advice offered, seeing as she won't take a bottle and I have no-one else to help out.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 24/12/2012 17:49

What about a baby whisperer. (Scraping bottom of barrel)

Amothersruin · 24/12/2012 17:54

I am a sahm op so I am of course my dcs main care giver. Like yours my dh also works very long hours and we have no family help so I dont know where you got the idea that I dont care about my dcsHmm

If you enjoy your velcro baby so much then why bother posting?....

wannabedomesticgoddess · 24/12/2012 18:03

Oh FFS. First you felt suffocated and now its alright because you dont want to change anything.

4 pages to get to that!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/12/2012 18:04

Quite wannabe....quite Grin

Amothersruin · 24/12/2012 18:05

Wind up?...

susanann · 24/12/2012 18:06

cant help some people can you........?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/12/2012 18:09

Nah amothers just another member of the martyr mummy brigade looking down disdainfully at us scummers

SayMama · 24/12/2012 19:44

Amothersruin - perhaps you were 'fortunate' enough to have children who didn't care where you were or who was caring for them, but I'd take my velcro baby over that option any day

what a fucking horrible thing to say

StinkyWicket · 24/12/2012 19:56

You sound a bit like me OP. I have almost 4 year old twins and a 14 month old. The twins were so much easier than my singleton, mainly because I had no choice - if I was by myself and one of them needed me, then tough, one of them had to wait. They were weaned at 5 months and bottled from about 4.

The singleton though, still loves to BF and gets incredibly jealous at anyone else trying to monopolise my attention! He too would never take a bottle (any type - would gag) and wasn't interested in proper food till about 7-8 months.

My only advice would be to just hand her over to your OH and take your other daughter out every so often. Maybe an hour to the park or something, not long. Go out though so if she does cry you can't hear her. Try out different sippy cups as well - DS3 still won't have formula, but he will have water out of a cup.

You are not making her cry, you are letting her cry - there is a difference! And trust me, some alone time will make not a jot of difference to her once she's older, but it will to you and your older child. And OH probably!

yellowsubmarine53 · 24/12/2012 19:58

Seriously, OP, other than using a dummy, getting someone else to look after her for an hour or two and stopping feeding her at night, what on earth did you think people would suggest?

I second the advice about getting her checked for silent reflux btw.

thebody · 24/12/2012 20:08

Oh op. it's a complete fog when you are in this situation.

BUT.. You are in charge of your life and family not your 7 month old...

She's NOT a tiny baby,,, that's Crap!

Decide what you need as In YOU and your DH and remembering to factor in DD1.

If you need to bottle feed then do it!
If you need to controlling cry then do it!

You are NOT at the mercy if this little minx unless you choose to be.

They are programmed to be self self self to survive!! But you need to get a balance here..

Seize control ....