To LOVE whoppers, kidders and deliberately lying to children....

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

The Santa myth is frankly, small potatoes. Our family has a grand tradition of mad rellies that tell the smaller generation the biggest, fattest, pants-on-fire lies which are swallowed whole and with huge delight. One uncle convinced us for years that he'd done backing vocals for 'his mate' Bob Marley.

AIBU? Anyone else's family love a whopper? Care to share?

We had a Big Troll living in our bathroom wall for a long time; he called out to sympathise with dd whenever she had to do something nasty that trolls don't see the point of, like washing her hair. He had 50 troll cubs who came out to play from time to time and what a rumpus that was! I quite miss him...

My mother otoh told me I was a troll that she had found in the forest, but she did it in such a fun, sympathetic way that it never felt oppressive; more like a way of recognising the troll-like aspects of my character and letting me know that she wasn't terribly worried about them.

Basically, if you have the kind of parent who is going to use the myth of Santa, or any other myth, to bully you or exercise controlling behaviour, then the tall story itself is the least of your problems.

For us, tall stories have always been a way of telling each other as a family that we don't take life terribly seriously. It's all about how you tell them.

Uncle XXXXX (crohns sufferer) has a MASSIVE scar on his belly from a Great White shark attack.

My Great Aunt was 101 every single birthday for years and we told everyone we knew that she was 101 and we were very proud of it. This myth went on for years we weren't very intelligent!

I don't know if this counts but my DH once told me that Linford Christie was Agatha Christie's grandson, and for 10 whole minutes I believed him.

I had another uncle who lost an ear to cancer and had a prosthetic one that would come detached occasionally. Brilliant. The story circulated among the kids of the family was that he actually lost it by walking along Fleetwood prom without a hat on and it was pecked off by a seagull .... Feathery bastards!!!!

I made my sister believe the burdock from the dandelion and burdock drink was a creature that lived in the woods. Its bones were crushed to make burdock. My stepdad backed me up and told her he used to work as a burdock catcher.

My lovely Dad had scars on the back of his hand from when he was mauled by a Tiger as a child in SriLanka (Moped Accident) and train track scars on his back from where he had to be operated on because he bit his fingernails (back surgery...) Sadly he's no longer with us to pass his tall tales onto his grandchildren!!

Dh has the top of one of his fingers missing from the nail bed upwards after an accident with a folding chair as a small child. As an adult he had his nieces and nephews convinced that it was bitten off while wrestling a lion back into it's cage when it escaped, with him saving the lives of many school children. One nephew, now in his teens, had great pleasure repeating this 'lie' to ds2 at the weekend. It was lovely to watch ds2 starring intently at his big cousin and listening to the story, only problem was that ds2 then decided it didn't matter about daddy's finger as the finger fairy would fix it! Dh also convinced the same children that he ate 3 weeatbix for breakfast every morning and then swam to France and back before going to work.

I am still convinced that the Haggis does really exist and roams free on scottish moorlands...

DH, my aunt and I managed to convince my cousin that haggis are creatures who run around hills with wonky legs and that they have a close relation who looks similar but can fly.

DH tells our four year old that he is part dolphin and that's why he is so hot (he wears shorts all year round)

We also told him that blocks of flats are castles which was sweet when he was a toddler but he'll be starting school soon. I keep telling him they are not really castles but he won't believe me

And as a child my mum had me convinced that I would go down the plug hole if I didn't get onto the bath quickly when she pulled the plug out, that people would see my knickers in the reflection of patent shoes (she didn't want me having them) and that seagulls on the sea front would swoop down and take me away if I stood still for too long

I've convinced 5yo dnephew that kiwi fruit is really bogies

DSIL is

Dn now eats kiwi occasionally

Loving burdock and haggis catchers. Yet more rellies lived in a town that had a big windmill on the outskirts. My parents had us convinced that it was Auntie Barbara's Windmill... actually belonged to her... and thus it was so. No problem until about 20 years later when I'm with an important business contact driving through the same town, see the landmark and announce 'Oh look, it's Auntie Barbara's Windmill!'

My friend's dad told her the ICI plant in Teesside was a cloud factory

Huge lies obviously run in her family - she almost managed to convince me her parents named her Beatrice when she was born and she changed it by deed poll just before uni to her 'ordinary' name.

We don't have any big ones but we always do if the alarm sensor goes red it means father Christmas is watching you and its how he sees if you are being naughty.
Also, I used to have an uncle who would tells us every year that he works for westlife.

I tell the children I teach that I am 42 (I'm 27). It's hilarious because they're never quite sure if I'm lying!

Someone ... ... told DS that fizzy drinks were beer. The time I've wasted explaining to cafe staff that no, the little boy getting slightly cross doesn't actually want a beer, he means lemonade.

Almapudden I do the opposite!

When I was about 3 I ran out on the road just as a police car came in the other direction, my mum told me that the siren was an alarm going off because I had gone out on the road without an adult. When I was about 5/6 my friends and I wandered off when our parents found us I was sitting at the side of the road waiting on my friends coming back because I couldn't cross over

My mum has also told her grandchildren that the scar on her leg car accident is actually a zip so she can take her old bones out to clean them

Ooh yes... Happy memories.

I told my sister all kinds of crap for instance, cracks in dry clay are made by dragons being woken up underground so you have to be quiet.

Kebab meat is actually elephant thigh- what other animal would fit on the spit?

Our neighbour was the child-catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang after her sex change, she was also a witch.

And many many more.

My younger cousins are still nervous about my Dads pond as for years I convinced them it had a crocodile in it.

My Dad told me some massive ones, mostly in response to quite intelligent questions for a small child! Examples include:

Guerilla warfare: where one army dresses up apes in army uniforms and send them out to face the enemy. The enemy use up all their bullets shooting the gorillas then the real soldiers run out and win the war. I believed it till I was about 14, and looked a right wally when we covered animal cruelty in English and I pointed out it wasn't just foxes and badgers that had a rough time.

In response to "what is mohair made of Dad?" A Mo is a rodent, bit like a mink, but smaller and far rarer. That summer there happened to be an outbreak of Mo's in the lake district while we were there on holiday. I spent a whole fucking week looking for the little buggers - I was 7!

Garibaldi bicuits have dead flies in them

The ice cream man plays music when he's sold out.

Loads more, but these spring to mind!

We told my little sister that rapeseed fields were custard plantations - she believed it long into adulthood hahahaha.

We also got told as children that if you fiddle with your belly button it would unscrew the bottom half of you and your bum/legs would fall off

YY to fly biscuits, ice cream van tune means out of stock, patent shoes reflect knickers, etc

Love this thread.

Ah, just remembered the Barnado's lady. She used to knock at the door every month or so and say "I'm collecting for Barnado's". My dad told me she was collecting children! [shocked]