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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my vegetarian friend?

76 replies

Jinglemyalanbells · 19/12/2012 21:51

I bought some homemade mincemeat from the school fair. Dd and I made them into lovely mince pies this aft in preparation for a visit tomorrow from my friend and her dd.

I happened to look at the hand written ingredients on the side and it said suet. I'm not sure if vegetable or beef suet has been used, so aibu to not tell her it may or may not have beef suet in it? Surely it can only be a small amount anyway?

OP posts:
HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss · 19/12/2012 21:52

Yes of course tell her!

mysteryfairy · 19/12/2012 21:52

I am vegetarian and it would be a friendship ender for me if you did this intentionally.

aroyalewithcheese · 19/12/2012 21:52

What?! YABU.

Absolutely tell her. She is a vegetarian for a reason.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/12/2012 21:54

Please tell her! She will be trusting you.

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss · 19/12/2012 21:54

"Surely it can only be a small amount anyway?"

What difference does that make?

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey · 19/12/2012 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsyj · 19/12/2012 21:56

Won't she know anyway that there's a risk that mincemeat won't be suitable for vegetarians?

If she doesn't mention it, you should tell her.

poppy283 · 19/12/2012 21:56

Yabu a small amount does matter as an animal still died.

VBisme · 19/12/2012 21:57

Of course you've got to tell her. Xmas Shock

kinkyfuckery · 19/12/2012 21:57

What if she had food restrictions for health reasons? I'm guessing you would tell her then?

Of course you should tell her, respect her beliefs.

Teeb · 19/12/2012 21:57

yabu, it's not up to you to decide if it's 'only a little bit.'

Besides, if she doesn't have any then it's just more for you.

TeaBrick · 19/12/2012 21:59

She'll probably be able to taste it anyway if it's beef suet, then you'll look a bit of a twat.

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 19/12/2012 22:00

i'm a vegetarian but I may well eat a mince pie if it had animal suet if a friend had gone to the effort of making them, just as I may eat cheese that is not vegetarian if it were served as part of a dish at a dinner party. It depends why she is a vegetarian and how strict.

I would like to know though. As she knows you know she is a vegetarian she may assume you used veg suet. You should give her the choice.

Bobyan · 19/12/2012 22:00

Glad you're not a friend of mine.
And I'm not even vegetarian.

StickEmUp · 19/12/2012 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chicaguapa · 19/12/2012 22:02

If she's a veggie, it's up to her to find out if it's got non-veggie suet in it. It wont be the first mince pie she's been offered.

Interestingly this came up today as mine pies were provided at a meeting with a label saying they were suitable for vegetarians. Both the veggies there were speculating about what would be in a normal mine pie to render it unsuitable. So I'm not sure it would be a deal breaker anyway.

But you shouldn't lie if she asks.

WorraLorraTurkey · 19/12/2012 22:02

Of course you should tell her.

What do you think she's going to do if it turns out she can't eat one?

Burst into tears, throw them on the floor and stamp them into your carpet?

PurpleRayne · 19/12/2012 22:03

Give her the choice, it's a simple matter of doing what is right.

GalaxyDisaStar · 19/12/2012 22:04

Yes, tell her.

I thought that this was going to be a thread where you had accidentally fed a vegetarian a meat product. In that case, I wouldn't fess up. There is nothing you can do and all it can achieve is making the veggie feel bad. I would just bear the guilt and be more careful in future.

But pre-realising. Tell her.

user12785 · 19/12/2012 22:05

As a vegetarian I'd ask my friend, and then just not have one if there was any uncertainty. YABU for not respecting a friend's beliefs. Of course even a little bit matters.

BornToFolk · 19/12/2012 22:05

Tell her the truth and let her make up her own mind if she wants to eat one or not. You're not much of a friend if you can't manage that.

Theicingontop · 19/12/2012 22:06

If my friend did that to me I'd cross her off my Christmas card list.

Amongst other things Xmas Angry

Original poster
Jinglemyalanbells · 19/12/2012 22:06

Of course I'll tell her. Your right. She always makes lovely homemade cakes etc when we visit. I'm usually crap at stuff like that so was very proud of myself that we had managed to make something homemade and now she probably won't be able to eat it.
Will just have to buy some choccy biscuits as an alternative..

OP posts:
HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss · 19/12/2012 22:07

"If she's a veggie, it's up to her to find out if it's got non-veggie suet in it."

Yeah, if it's at school or from the shop.

As a veggie if my friend offered me food I would assume it were veggie unless they said otherwise. Because that's how friendship works.

None of my friends would offer me something knowing it wasn't veggie.

ravenAK · 19/12/2012 22:08

It'll be animal suet if it doesn't specify.

For what it's worth, I'm a half-arsed fishocrite & would happily trough them if you told me they had suet in them, or if you had no idea & had never given it a thought.

But I would be really upset if I found out that you'd realised about the suet, thought 'oh damn, ravenAK's a vegetarian [most of my friends assume I am as I eat vegetarian food 99% of the time, with fish very occasionally & without losing sleep about suet/gelatine/rennet] - oh sod it, it's only a tiny bit of suet, I just won't say anything'.

I doubt the lovely homemade mince pies will go to waste if you provide an alternative for veggie friend!