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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my vegetarian friend?

76 replies

Jinglemyalanbells · 19/12/2012 21:51

I bought some homemade mincemeat from the school fair. Dd and I made them into lovely mince pies this aft in preparation for a visit tomorrow from my friend and her dd.

I happened to look at the hand written ingredients on the side and it said suet. I'm not sure if vegetable or beef suet has been used, so aibu to not tell her it may or may not have beef suet in it? Surely it can only be a small amount anyway?

OP posts:
pictish · 19/12/2012 22:08

Nah - don't tell her. I wouldn't.

sweetkitty · 19/12/2012 22:08

I would tell her. When I first turned veggie my Mum would make things and tell me they were veggie they weren't (then laugh about it but she's a witch long story).

GalaxyDisaStar · 19/12/2012 22:09

I am sure she will appreciate the effort anyway. Just fess up that you didn't realise until after you baked them Smile

CremeEggThief · 19/12/2012 22:11

Glad you realised YABU. Just run out and get some from your local supermarket. Obviously, check the label, but IME, they're nearly always veggie.

Soupqueen · 19/12/2012 22:11

Chicaguapa - not all veggies are well versed on "hidden" animal ingredients.

OP, that's a really unkind thing to do. There are plenty veggie mince pies around, why not supply those? If you can't, don't lie, let your friend decide.

pictish · 19/12/2012 22:13

Oh I see! She hasn't eaten them yet?? I thought she'd already had some.
Well no - now that you know, you can't dish it up. That wouldn't be right.

FlojoHoHoHo · 19/12/2012 22:16

She'll know anyway. I'm a recently turned veggie and I always check mince pies for suet. She'll probably see it in the mincemeat anyway.

toofattorun · 19/12/2012 22:17

Yabvu.

Please tell her.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 19/12/2012 22:18

YABU. I'd say if you'd accidentally fed them to her before realising, it might be better to keep quiet.

But as you know, don't feed them to her!

aufaniae · 19/12/2012 22:20

I always appreciate it when people tell me there's meat in something.

I'd much rather turn up for dinner and someone say "fuck, I've just realised there's meat stock in the meal I've cooked for us" then for them to give it to me and hope I didn't realise!

I feel I can trust that person in the future if they tell me something like that.

Blu · 19/12/2012 22:23

But you can get vegetarian suet which looks the same.

Both the veggies there were speculating about what would be in a normal mine pie to render it unsuitable. In my Mum's fabulous thin crumbly melting but crisp topped pastry mince pies there would be half lard, half butter in the pastry, and suet in the filling. Don't people know what mincemeat is made from?

Tigresswoods · 19/12/2012 22:26

I put lard in the pastry of my mince pies. Don't ask me how or why but it only dawned on me a couple of years ago that this is animal. Vegetarians have eaten my mince pies many times. I now mention it, seems unfair not to. YABU.

StuntGirl · 19/12/2012 22:27

Glad you've decided not to lie. It would be an absolute deal breaker for me if a friend did that!

SantaWearsGreen · 19/12/2012 22:30

All shop bought mince meat i've seen is vegetarian. It will state suitable for vegetarians and if it doesn't then it is not.

Yabu, incase you didn't already know.

Soupqueen · 19/12/2012 22:33

Blu
I have always quizzed people on the veggie thing.

Just because other veggies have been less experienced/aware of the pitfalls does that mean they deserve to eat meat derivatives?

Startail · 19/12/2012 23:01

My Jewish DF got a taste for mince pies as a child and was most disappointed to discover she should't have eaten them.

Years latter she looked longingly at a minced tart on my work top.

I got a huge grin when I said it was homemade DSIL acceptable mincemeat, (DSIL is a strict vegi)

Back then vegi mincemeat was rare and expensive.

Startail · 19/12/2012 23:02

which reminds me I must keep a jar if this years for her.

ConfusedPixieThinksSheIsAnElf · 19/12/2012 23:08

YABVU. Tell her, it's not fair to serve something knowingly to a vegetarian friend that may not be vegetarian! I would be really peeved if I found out that a friend had knowingly given me something not vegetarian. I probably wouldn't consider them a friend any more as they obviously have no respect for my choices. Unknowingly is forgiveable though.

Being honest, as a veggie I had no idea that suet is in mincemeat for mince pies! But then I don't eat mince pies I avoid home made pastry too as I know people still use lard as the fat for it.

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss · 19/12/2012 23:27

Most shop bought is veggie and made with veg suet.

Lard in pastry = minging!

manicinsomniac · 19/12/2012 23:38

Depends on why she's a vegetarian. If it's health or taste reasons I wouldn't bother saying anything. If it's moral then I would.

Thing is, if it's only her you've cooked them for then what's the point in serving them? I'd make something else if I were you.

OhYouMerryLittleKitten · 19/12/2012 23:41

Shock I never thought about the lard in my pastry Blush

OhYouMerryLittleKitten · 19/12/2012 23:42

Not minging. My lady pastry is superb!

OhYouMerryLittleKitten · 19/12/2012 23:43

Oh hell, lardy, not lady.

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss · 19/12/2012 23:44

It is when you're veggie Xmas Grin

Delayingtactic · 19/12/2012 23:45

Ah but now you know you have to tell her. If you accidentally served her something and found out later it was non vegetarian then I could understand the argument if keeping stchum. But know you'd be deliberately giving her non vegetarian food and even as an avid meat eater I'd be pretty Shock at someone who did that.