Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas staff party invite

60 replies

MissSueSmith · 18/12/2012 19:34

hi
Iam unreasonable to be upset at the not being invited to the christmas. I am teacher in a large school. I work part time. Always felt excluded from social events and even at lunch time feel like there are certain tables I cant sit at.

I have tried to mix and sit with other members of the department but they just ignore me - yes really they do. Whilst I have been upset by this in the past I have a happy life out of work and just thought i cant think of anything I have done anything to offend them so just thought I am only in a 3 days a week and very busy - so I have just come the conclusion, get on with my job and come home.

Anyway I finally get to the point, Friday it appears is the 'staff' christmas party. First I have heard about it today! It seems that 2 members of staff have organised a party but only certain people have been invited to buy a ticket. It seems out of a staff of about 100 only 40 people are going. I found out by accident today when one of the support staff mentioned it.

I think this is clicky and beyond just a few a few friends having their own night (which obviously they are entitled to do) and I really think the head should stop this sort of clicky behaviour that is very exculsionary. I am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Oblomov · 18/12/2012 19:47

YANBU. At all.

Spuddybean · 18/12/2012 19:54

:( people can be such nasty selfish bastards

yanbu - they should do a school wide thing which is announced by head and all invited to, or nothing. it sounds as tho they are 12 years old. just pathetic.

MariahScarey · 18/12/2012 19:55

Or just go out with their mates ?

FromEsme · 18/12/2012 19:56

I think that is fucking ridiculous and sadly common in a lot of schools. I think a lot of people become teachers because they have never grown out of that school mindset.

Considering we are meant to teach children NOT to be like this, it's a bit bloody worrying.

YANBU

bumperella · 18/12/2012 19:56

Pathetic. Whoever deals with HR should be told, directly and clearly, what has happened and that this is not acceptable.
It's one thing to organise a socail event and invite work collegues, but this is more than that.

FestiveFiggy · 18/12/2012 19:56

Definitely yanbu

redexpat · 18/12/2012 19:57

Are you in the staffroom or the playground?!

Although I could understand that part timers could get overlooked in the run up to xmas with everything else that's going on. That's not ok though. Do you all have a pigeon hole? Or a work email? Did the organisers not think to use them?

Why dont you take a stand and organise an alternative?

Original poster
MissSueSmith · 18/12/2012 20:07

omg feel so relieved to read these replies I was beginning to to think it was me that was odd. Considering the 'all staff emails' we get all the time - I just cant believe it - they could not have just invited all.

Also it is in a hotel where you just buy a ticket and there are several work parties on in the same place so it is not as if it would have been more to organise.

The mortified support staff that 'let it slip' about it said I dont think X and XX invited everyone as they did not want any senior management to go.

OP posts:
SantasENormaSnob · 18/12/2012 20:12

If it is a proper works do then yanbu.

If its a few colleagues that are friends out of work, and not really a works do then yabu.

squeakytoy · 18/12/2012 20:14

so 40% of the staff are going, 60% are not going... that isnt really excluding a few is it?

Bluebelleswood · 18/12/2012 20:14

Ignore them! I have experienced this type of behaviour in some schools. My first ever head explained to me that some staff grow to be more childish than the children they work with. I would rise above it.
Enjoy your own friends and family and ignore this silly group.
Happy Christmas!

Original poster
MissSueSmith · 18/12/2012 20:16

Well I would say 40 out of 100 staff is more then a few colleagues - I totally agree that colleagues that are friends are allowed to have a night out together (which they do) but I think this all seems very sly and beyond a 'few'; friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissSueSmith · 18/12/2012 20:52

As I now know ALL the rest of my department are going I just keep thinking I am I so awful that they could not bear to spend the evening with me. Makes me just keep questioning myself as to why they dont like me. (btw there is another member of the dept that works part time that is apprently going).

Also as a point worth mentioning the key organiser has been off for 6 weeks with stress. obviously was not off sick when organised. I am aware that she has been on nights out in the interim with her immediate friendship group but seem suprising that she would go to a party with so many staff when off sick.

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 18/12/2012 20:56

40 out of 100 isn't an official works do

Agree if all your dept are going it's a bit rude and childish, but all you can do is rise above it. Ask them all about their clothes and ask to see the pics - make them feel really awkward!

If colleague off with stress attends I would tip off the head.

ohfunnyface · 18/12/2012 21:02

This makes me so cross.

Our works do is a nightmare to organise, no one wants to spend on it so close to Christmas and I feel like I literally beg people to go. Everyone is invited- from the site staff, to the lunch time supervisors, to the support and admin to the teachers and management. Everyone.

I'm so sorry your school is so cliquey. Cliques suck.

Change schools!

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 18/12/2012 21:05

Off with stress is irrelevant to going on night out - though her stress may be indicative of the very divided school you are all working in. I've never heard of a school not having an 'official' night out that everyone is invited to.

Original poster
MissSueSmith · 18/12/2012 21:07

I know I wish i could but would not risk it in the current economic climate especially when I need part time.

i have worked in 2 schools before and NEVER encountered anything like this. I have been this one 6 years.

OP posts:
ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 18/12/2012 21:09

Hermione, if you're off with stress you are not housebound! She presumably is signed off, can attend any party she wants (it's not like saying you have a broken leg and then being seen out dancing).

peaceandlovebunny · 18/12/2012 21:42

that is so typical of schools - or of the one where i work. maybe we work together.

i'm a head of department. my team are trying to freeze me out. its so childish.

ddubsgirl · 18/12/2012 21:47

Hmm The school my Fil helped out at one year told him they were meeting up for Xmas drinks told him time and place he went along few hours later he came home upset turned he sat waiting no-one showed up he had a few drinks and ended up go to the school and through a window saw them all having the party at the school they set him up nasty bastards

AlbertoFrog · 18/12/2012 21:48

YANBU

This sort of behaviour would not be permitted in my workplace. Then again, you can't really stop people socialising out of work hours can you?

Could the remainder of the staff who haven't been invited get together and have their own do? Perhaps a bit late to organise a meal but drinks at the local after school finishes?

McChristmasPants2012 · 18/12/2012 21:53

put a notice up in the staff room.

For all those not invited to the 'works' christmas party I am having a meet up in ............ all invited. Please sign below if you are intrested.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2012 21:54

If colleague off with stress attends I would tip off the head

It's attitudes like this that make mental health issues in the workplace so hard to overcome. I can also see why she, at least, wouldn't want SMT there.

40% of the staff doesn't constitute an official staff party, so they can invite who they like as far as I can see. I don't think they've done anything untoward.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2012 21:56

Mind you, it says something about morale that there appears to be no official staff "do".

Ahhhcrap · 18/12/2012 21:57

I'm with ChristmasPants, arrange an alternative party

Swipe left for the next trending thread