Xmas staff party invite

[MissSueSmith]

hi
Iam unreasonable to be upset at the not being invited to the christmas. I am teacher in a large school. I work part time. Always felt excluded from social events and even at lunch time feel like there are certain tables I cant sit at.

I have tried to mix and sit with other members of the department but they just ignore me - yes really they do. Whilst I have been upset by this in the past I have a happy life out of work and just thought i cant think of anything I have done anything to offend them so just thought I am only in a 3 days a week and very busy - so I have just come the conclusion, get on with my job and come home.

Anyway I finally get to the point, Friday it appears is the 'staff' christmas party. First I have heard about it today! It seems that 2 members of staff have organised a party but only certain people have been invited to buy a ticket. It seems out of a staff of about 100 only 40 people are going. I found out by accident today when one of the support staff mentioned it.

I think this is clicky and beyond just a few a few friends having their own night (which obviously they are entitled to do) and I really think the head should stop this sort of clicky behaviour that is very exculsionary. I am I being unreasonable?

Calling anyone's job 'a bit of a skive' is never going to go down well now, is it? And maybe if you find it a skive, you're not doing it right!
I'm currently at home, could say this was a skive compared to teaching but a) it has its own stresses and b) I'd never be so rude as to say that to a SAHM.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. As mentioned previously I work pt so today was my last day at work b4 Christmas. I received not one Christmas card or a have a nice Christmas from the the department (a couple from other people ) but not one from anyone in the clique.

I have bored my husband for hours trying to find a reason why this large group dislike me, I consider myself friendly and I help others out. I can't think of a single thing I could have done to alienate my whole department.

I feel really upset, which I know is silly as I have a lovely husband, kids and friends outside work but it is human nature to be liked and it feels so horrible to know your not when you have no idea why.

It really isn't you-I would try and change jobs.
As a supply teacher I went to many schools. The ones that I went back to were the ones with the friendly, supportive staff-I was lucky in that I never had to go back to the others. Sadly there are plenty of 'others'.

I have been a teacher for a couple of decades and some staff rooms are appalling. It comes down to the ethos of the school, which is something that senior management ARE responsible for.

I have found some schools where 'part timers' are often seen as 'slackers' so they get treated like second class citizens. Some schools have groups that have worked together for so long that they just can't see past their own noses and they just never bother to include others.

I have also seen TA's treated like lower forms of existence, and when I was a student teacher it was actually POLICY and WRITTEN in the handbook that we weren't allowed to sit with others in the staff room, OR to park our cars at the school (when there was no other way to get to the school but drive).

The majority of schools I have been at have been great, and staff recognize that they couldn't do their job without the support of their team, but this sounds like you're in the kind of school where you're either 'one of them' or not.

How well do you get on with your HoD? Can you approach them and list some examples of ways in which you've been excluded? If the school is happy for large numbers of people to go out together, then they do have a responsibility to ensure that people feel involved. This is like giving out cards to everyone, but deliberately leaving out one person. btw - do you know if there were any cards given out by smt or hod? I would expect a card from at least one of them, if not a present as well. If they are giving out cards/gifts but not to part timers, then that is also discrimination.

Don't feel silly about being upset - they are being mean to you, and it is upsetting. OK so it's at a fairly minor level, but this is low-grade consistent behaviour which is so hard to live with.

I would start looking for another job tbh - it seems unlikely that you'll be able to change this attitude by yourself.

and the group that's going deliberately ensuring that smt would feel unable to go along? Well that's an interesting perspective on morale at school.

Thank you for such a long reply.

No card of the head suspect she will send them out tomorrow or Friday.

On the HOD front, she is actually on mat leave. She is a lovely person (v friendly with the 'clique' but nice and normal)and to be honest her going on maternity leave coincided with this situation with the department going from me feeling a bit left out to full on ignore/isolated.

The head is aware of the situation as well. There has been several foreign trips that only friends of the organiser have been invited to go on. Skiing, New York, Hong Kong, china etc. But head has put her foot down and said she will decide which staff (of those that want to) go on the trip and apparently told her if she wanted a week away with her mates she could do that in her own time and own expense!

if it is the official staff do that the SMT are aware of and is partially funded by subs / staff room committee etc than YANBU. If it is the younger " in crowd" going to a night laid on by a random hotel then YABU. I have been part of the crowd and right in the middle of things and now am also PT and on the fringes. None of the 20-30ish staff who have joined since I went on Mat Leave would think to invite me to their weekly piss ups but I was invited (by which I mean my name was on the sign up sheet to tick) for the official staff lunch. Its a bit shit if your dept aren't talking to you at lunch but that is a different issue. Are you wildly different in terms of age / background? Do you speak to them? (Just sitting down isn't enough on its own, sadly).

It was the 'incrowd' but definately noy just the younger incrowd it was all ages from 60 down.

Wen I say they dont talk to me - they talk about work related things and we sometimes have a chat about non work related things. But there still a definate feeling of being excluded from things - it is hard to put my finger on it exactly without sounding petty. But this party and the school trips are possibly the best examples. But there are lots of other examples of parties, bbqs, retirement dos that I have simply not been invited to.

I understand how you feel. The problem with cliques is that people move around a lot these days so it's silly to have them. If people from the clique move on then they've excluded themselves from the others.

I am more appalled that a teacher spells 'cliquey', 'clicky'.

If it's being called 'the staff do' and there's nothing else then YANBU, that's appalling.

All the adults where I work were invited to ours last Friday (SMT, Teachers, TAs, Kitchen staff, Office staff, Grounds and Maintenance staff, Laundry staff etc) and it was lovely. Some people choose not to go but I can't imagine anybody being deliberately excluded. We sign up to attend rather than get invited.

Not all schools are cliquey.

I often go out with friends from school and that would only be with 3-10ish people but that's totally different because it is a group of friends not a 'work do'.