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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Xmas staff party invite

60 replies

MissSueSmith · 18/12/2012 19:34

hi
Iam unreasonable to be upset at the not being invited to the christmas. I am teacher in a large school. I work part time. Always felt excluded from social events and even at lunch time feel like there are certain tables I cant sit at.

I have tried to mix and sit with other members of the department but they just ignore me - yes really they do. Whilst I have been upset by this in the past I have a happy life out of work and just thought i cant think of anything I have done anything to offend them so just thought I am only in a 3 days a week and very busy - so I have just come the conclusion, get on with my job and come home.

Anyway I finally get to the point, Friday it appears is the 'staff' christmas party. First I have heard about it today! It seems that 2 members of staff have organised a party but only certain people have been invited to buy a ticket. It seems out of a staff of about 100 only 40 people are going. I found out by accident today when one of the support staff mentioned it.

I think this is clicky and beyond just a few a few friends having their own night (which obviously they are entitled to do) and I really think the head should stop this sort of clicky behaviour that is very exculsionary. I am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 18/12/2012 21:58

if it's a staff party then i dont think there should be invites. i think it should be open to all staff to attend if they choose. email should have gone to all staff members and a venue booked, deposits taken from those who confirmed attendance by X date. no way should it be invite only if it is a staff do.

BoffinMum · 18/12/2012 22:02

TBH I am either shameless and invite myself to things, or organise the parties myself, to get around cliquey nonsense.

cardibach · 18/12/2012 22:05

I have worked in 5 schools over 23 years and never encountered a staff do with invitations. It's a poster on the staffroom wall to sign up. If it isn;t this, it's not a staff do, but a group (admitedly a large group) of friends going out for CHristmas. It is irrelevant that all the rest of your dept. are going - I have often been out with other depts or had friends from other depts come out with us.
And whoever started teacher bashing with the commetn about teacheres doing the job because they never got out of schoolyard bitchiness, don;t be so stupid, there's a love.

MariahScarey · 18/12/2012 22:10

I do think friends should be Able to go out without inviting Uncle Tom Cobley

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 18/12/2012 22:14

ddubsgirl obviously I don't know if what was done to your fil was malicious, but it might not have been - I've been to end of term things were we all intended to go to such and such a pub at such and such a time - but if there was free booze being given to us we never left the staffroom! (those days are gone sadly). Pissed people are not good at texting plans etc.

shellshock7 · 18/12/2012 22:20

I don't work in a school, but.....I organise a pub crawl twice a year and all my friends take a half day holiday for it...at most 20 out of an office of 80 (plus lots of people we all know outside of work) I got pulled into HR first time and was accused of being discriminatory and I didn't stand for it as a) who am I to ask for the whole office to be closed and all go on a pub crawl b) what me and my friends choose to do in our own time is our business c) it wasn't an open invitation to the office, it was for a group of friends in and out of work and I was the one who happened to send the calendar invite.

They had to back down and apologise so I would say it totally depend on the circumstances

HollyBerryBush · 18/12/2012 22:42

'Official' party or private gathering of mates?

We have 180 staff, all invited - only 50 are going to the 'official' party. ridiculously expensive

Everyone else is either utterly antisocial or organised their own friendship groups meals/drinks etc. That ranges from 6 - 30 people depending on the group.

I really think the head should stop this sort of clicky behaviour that is very exculsionary

The Head cannot stop people socialising out side of a work environment.

FWIW Teachers are a peculiar bunch. I largely put it down to never having left a school/educational environment, rarely having worked in the real world, too heavily unionised, too full of 'their rights' and too frequently deviod of social skills that to the unqualified eye slaps them right in the middle of The Spectrum. Mostly they can't handle their drink, behave appallingly on a night out, but for all that I LOVE the gossip the morning after when all their petty squabbles have manifested after a shed load of alcohol, the tears, the tantrums and the utter he-said-she-said shit. I wouldn't miss the morning after for anything.

No. I don't go to works parties.

ddubsgirl · 19/12/2012 00:00

next day they told him everyone had cancelled and couldnt get hold of him,(before mobiles) he made it known what he had seen cue some very red faces!

Rhinestone · 19/12/2012 00:39

You're a teacher with grammar and spelling like that?! Bloody hell, we are in trouble!

MariahScarey · 19/12/2012 06:24

Holly I dont think that teachers are any different to any other group.

the odd thing about teaching is that is actually a pretty isolated job - that is why they always talk work with each other, for most of the day you are by yourself without any colleagues ( apart from the odd ta)

MariahScarey · 19/12/2012 06:25

and how RUDE to suggest that they are autistic. To autistic peopel largely.

How could people whose maing job is communicating ALL DAY every day be autistic.

nob end

wherearemysocka · 19/12/2012 07:18

I'm very impressed at how quickly this has turned into a bit of teacher bashing! Your experience is typical of a lot of workplaces, I would think. If I were you, I would think 'their loss' and go out with my mates. At least you'll be able to start drinking at three o'clock when you finish work and have seven weeks of Christmas holiday to recover.

TaffyandTeenyTaffy · 19/12/2012 07:29

YANBU. I am in no way condoning their behaviour .... but - a group of friends and I went to a christmas party in a hotel and there was a maxium of 30 people - (so three tables), so that the whole thing wasnt taken over by one large work party.... perhaps this was the reason they were ...ahem, shall we say "selective"?

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 07:32

YANBU and I would try and find a job at a friendlier school! As a regular supply teacher I got invited to all staff parties!

FivesGoldNorks · 19/12/2012 07:33

Why all the teacher bashing? Lots of bile being unleashed on this thread

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 07:38

There is always teacher bashing- this thread is no different!

mummytime · 19/12/2012 07:39

I would be looking for a job in another school. For two reasons: awful cliqueness and no even surface "all initial together"; and the "them and us" attitude to the SLT. I find it hard to believe with both these things it is a: happy, well functioning, supportive place to work.
I was doing a PGCE and was shocked in one school that the part-timers were pretty much marginalised, but even then it was nothing like this bad.

whomovedmychocolate · 19/12/2012 07:41

Make up a poster, pin it up very high on a wall so everyone can see it but it'll be difficult to get down - advertising the party.

They sound horrible btw. YANBU. But you know what, karma will get them in the long run. Why not organise a drinks party for your bosses, get in with them and wait for the cliquey folks to cotton on to the fact that they've shot themselves in the foot.

mummytime · 19/12/2012 07:41

BTW I know a lot of teachers who have "worked in the real world".

FivesGoldNorks · 19/12/2012 07:43

The teacher bashing on this thread seems particularly bad ans disproportionate tho.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 19/12/2012 08:14

Hollyberrybush with an attitude like that regarding your colleagues, it's not a wonder some staff are selective about who they want to hang out with!

As soon as I hear "too heavily unionised" I know I can disregard most of a post. It's like one that contains the words "I'm not racist but".

Bogeyface · 19/12/2012 08:17

The teacher bashing isnt fair, but I have to say that there is a difference in attitude between those who did other jobs and then entered teaching and those that did school/Uni/school. I have friends who did both and you can always tell which is which!

We have a friend who used to work for a major city bank, and he packed it in after 10 years to go into teaching. He had a stand up row with another mate at a party after he described teaching as "a bit of a skive" :o The other mate had gone into teaching straight from uni, and wouldnt accept that, compared to his old job, it was alot less hours and stress!

The ex city banker certainly seems to suffer from less work based stress than the other one.

wherearemysocka · 19/12/2012 08:56

Presumably if you didn't really give a toss about the job, you wouldn't be too stressed about it. I'd imagine as a city banker he was well paid for his troubles as well. Anyway, now we've had 'teachers think they work so much harder than everyone else' I've filled my bingo card.

MortaIWombat · 19/12/2012 08:57

I guess that, like so many things, it's all relative, though.
I funded my degree and PGCE by a series of short-term jobs, mostly in catering (free food ), cleaning, and shop work, and I have found teaching far more demanding, both physically and mentally. I can well imagine that an ex-city banker, however, would find the holidays and non-contact time very refreshing.

I am, mind you, typing this to you from my bed. Ho ho ho.

kim147 · 19/12/2012 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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