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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really dreading my friend staying with me this weekend because of all her bad habits and my uptightedness?

127 replies

Mumbelievable · 18/12/2012 11:13

My friend (who i've known since we were both 4) is coming up to stay with me this weekend - Saturday night through to Sunday evening. She wants to see me and dd and exchange gifts. She lives several hours' drive away.

I love my friend to bits, and I'm really excited about seeing her, but the thought of her actually sleeping over in my house - and staying here for over a full day - is filling me with dread.

I feel like a right cow posting this, but i don't think i'll get appropriate advice unless i paint the full picture. Sad

She has really poor personal hygiene (doesn't wash hands after the loo, doesn't brush her teeth, only showers once a week, has really greasy hair, and smells (sorry for tmi) like she has a vaginal infection (fish-like). (Concerned she might have an STI actually as she had a one-night stand last year, but she won't go to doctor). Sad

She's quite open about this and admits she doesn't care as she's perfectly happy the way she is and doesn't see the point spending lots of time making herself look presentable for other people.

She passes gas constantly. And the smell is horrendous. She laughs about this.

She helps herself to food from my cupboards/fridge etc. Which i don't mind, but she eats almost half my weekly shop each time she visits. Whenever i've asked her not to take so much, she goes into a huff and begrudgingly orders in a takeaway instead, whilst telling my i'm a bad hostess. Bearing in mind i provide a dinner and also buy in lots of snacks etc for her when she visits. She has her own designated cupboard of stuff escpecially for her, but she always strays into mine and dd's other foodstuffs that's supposed to last the week.

She is too big for my couch, so has to sleep in my bed, which i'm actually really worried about as she broke my last one (it was cheap wood though). This one's metal, but still not very strong and i'm worried this one won't be strong enough for her either. And i can't afford to get another one at this time of year.

She also passes wind a lot in her sleep and the smells gets right into my sheets. And my last matress ended up stained from her (i think it was sweat/make-up).

I realise i'm going to get a lot of replies along the lines of 'you're a bitch', 'you don't sound like a good friend' etc, and i hope you'll understand when i don't respond to these posts. Because i know i'm not a bitch, and i'm trying to be a good friend, which is why i'm seeking advice.

Whenever she visits, she normally stays with her parents (who live around the corner from me), but they're doing a house swap thing this Christmas with a couple from Ireland.

I love spending time with my friend. Just not long periods of time in my house. And i can't go to hers because of DD's special needs.

I'm a bit of a clean freak, and sometimes get anxious easily, so her bad habits are probably a bigger deal to me than a normal/sane person.

I'd appreciate any advice on how to get through the weekend. I honestly don't think i can just grin and bear it again. I've tried talking to her, and she just shrugs it off and tells me not to be so uptight and boring.

Sorry if this has offended anyone. I'm prepared for a heap of biscuits getting hurled at me, but I'd prefer some constructive replies. I'm a bit weepy about this so hope no one's too harsh.

OP posts:
FellatioNelson · 18/12/2012 17:21

Oh my goodness, I was expecting you to come out with a bunch of completely unreasonable, uptight reasons about why you can't stand having her in your home, and I was getting ready to tell you to lighten up and stop being such a precious control freak, but honestly - she sounds revolting!

Are you sure she only showers once a week? Who does this? Shock Missing the odd day is one thing, but to regularly go several days between showers for no good reason is beyond acceptable. I am amazed you are still friends with her.

Shoesme · 18/12/2012 17:23

God it's making me ill just thinking about the fishy fanny smell in my bed.

FellatioNelson · 18/12/2012 17:28

I would categorically NOT be able to share y bed with this woman! I think you should buy a cheap blow-up bed (about 15 quid from Asda or somewhere) and make her sleep in the sitting room.

starfishmummy · 18/12/2012 17:35

Having separate food that she can eat seems a bit odd; but then again I wouldn't expect just to help myself to snacks in someonelse's house.

I think I might be indisposed with norovirus and tell her to stay away.

whomovedmychocolate · 18/12/2012 17:45

snort@ the tiger who came to tea! Grin

OP do you have a bloody blunt friend who will come and very plainly 'oy you, stinky, you are bloody disrespectful to come visiting smelling like a fish gutting factory'

and 'hands off the crisps, greedy guts' etc.

It speaks volumes about how much she respects you as a fellow human being to turn up in such a state and expect you to just ignore the farting.

nannyof3 · 18/12/2012 17:54

Poor personal hygiene would actually make me be sick!!!

She sounds Shock

Chestnutx3 · 18/12/2012 17:55

I would invent my child having a norovirus. She because you have known her since she was 4 do you have to be a friend to a person with revolting personal habits. She lives far away so can't do a day visit, I think its time to cut her out.

myfirstkitchen · 18/12/2012 18:00

Is this real? Would anyone really let someone come to stay and sleep in their bed who emits a fishy smell from their minge? Seriously? And all the other things? Sounds revolting. Someone you would move away from on public transport, let alone allow in your house to smear poo all over your food cupboards and god knows what fish paste all over your bed.

If this is real you are mad.

whomovedmychocolate · 18/12/2012 18:20

FWIW when she has gone, chuck bicarbonate of soda over all surfaces she has been on and leave it two hours, then vac up and the smell of ming will vanish!

IfYouSeeMeSayHello · 18/12/2012 19:30

With the number of norovirus cases at the moment there is no way on earth I would have someone like that to stay. What if your daughter gets sick?

butterfingerz · 18/12/2012 20:53

I could put up with a bit of greasy hair or bo but I don't want to smell anyone's lady garden, its just wrong, wrong, wrong.

EweBrokeMyManger · 18/12/2012 20:58

Fgs we have had this exact thread before.

butterfingerz · 18/12/2012 20:59

Cant you catch some sti's from sharing towels? Then I guess that's not a problem if she won't shower or wash hands.

Shakey1500 · 18/12/2012 21:12

I guess it comes down to whether you value her as a friend more than you dislike her habits?

A friend of mine is a chronic alcoholic and clinically depressed. It's extremely challenging most of the time and I've dealt with a lot, including a soiled mattress, poor hygiene, living in squalor (which thankfully, he's now out of)

Many people have walked away and questioned why I stand by him, and whilst I understand, for me it's simple. I love him dearly as a friend and he's having a miserable time.

IAmLouisWalsh · 18/12/2012 21:14

Maybe this is the same 'friend' who knows two different MNers.

The previous one I think the OP had to wash the cushions when friend had been round cause of the farting...

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh · 19/12/2012 08:46

FWIW when she has gone, chuck bicarbonate of soda over all surfaces she has been on and leave it two hours, then vac up and the smell of ming will vanish!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK! QUOTE OF THE WEEK!

This is what I love about MN - rude, and yet practical.

usualsuspect3 · 19/12/2012 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allergictoironing · 19/12/2012 11:02

What EauRougelyNight said - she says you are a bad hostess for not catering to her, but she's a very poor guest for not allowing for you in any way.

"there's no point wasting time bathing/showering just for me" - isn't that a bit insulting, suggesting that you (who have bent over backwards to accommodate her) aren't worth any effort on her part? Though it isn't just for you, it's for your special needs DD too.

I'm afraid I would be blunt with her, tell her that she may find it amusing or unimportant but when in your house she needs to have a little consideration for you, as you have for her. If you are a "clean freak" as you put it, tell her you have mild OCD so it isn't just you being fussy. You could also point out that you don't want your DD learning behaviours that most people consider as being unacceptable in modern society.

whomovedmychocolate · 20/12/2012 15:17

Cheers flimflam Grin

helenthemadex · 20/12/2012 15:50

there was a thread that was very similar not to long ago

I havent read the whole thread but agree with a lot of people

buy a cheap £10 blow up bed and a cheap sleeping bag for her to use
dont buy your shopping until she has gone, buy just what you need for the weekend
if you have a bath run her a nice one when she arrives after her long drive
and buy her washing stuff for christmas the minging mare no excuse for being stinky

Dubjackeen · 22/12/2012 00:12

Unfortunately I do not believe that this thread is for real. Firstly, as others have pointed out, we have had the same story before re EXTREMELY unhygienic 'friend'. And secondly, I don't believe that anyone would tolerate someone, in their home, who did not observe the most basic level of hygiene...i.e. washing hands after using toilet.

MidniteScribbler · 22/12/2012 02:56

OP, do you have self esteem problems? Seriously, this "Friend" is not a friend. She's a user. And she's taking advantage of you. You are better than this. Tell this person to take a flying jump and go and find yourself some better friends.

Friends do NOT treat each other this way.

barbiecollector · 22/12/2012 04:02

I do not believe this thread is for real, sorry.

flaggybannel · 22/12/2012 08:49

if this thread is for real, and you must have her to stay over and bring her rank smells and habits with her, please please stock up on antibac hand gel and squirt it liberally all over her on her hands at every opportunity. Have a couple of bottles in every room and a couple of mini ones for everyones pockets

Jacksmania · 22/12/2012 16:37

FFS, if you think the OP is a troll, report and hide, people Hmm