Do I do christmas this year because I know everyone else at synagogue is!!!!!!!!

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This is a bit long but don't want to drip feed. I was brought up no particular religion and I married a Jewish man. I converted to Judaism before we got married partly so we could bring our children up in the same tradition, partly because Judaism just talked to me and partly because I knew it mattered to DH. I have been Jewish for 5 years and I really value it in my life and how it shapes our family life. I am happy being Jewish. Ok so before we had kids we just didn't do Christmas which was fine with me because doing christmas with a dh who didn't understand the traditions or feel anything for it felt a bit hollow. Then I converted and I sort of thought christmas was something I was going to give up, I felt celebrating seemed a bit odd now I was Jewish. Plus my childhood christmas's were difficult and I'd always had some complicated feelings about christmas although a part of me would have liked to turn this around in my family.

Then we had kids..........

Our dc are so small they don't really understand all what christmas is and they will be having gifts from santa because to me that's not religious. BUT I am increasingly feeling I am short changing my dc with them not having a proper christmas with all that magic. I thought ok I'll do the Jewish tradition and do chinese meal and video and try to embrace that tradition instead (felt a bit shit but I was trying to be a good jew I suppose ha ha). Dh doesn't mind if we do christmas or not, he is a true darling and says if I'm happy he's happy and as he sees it as all a bit meaningless anyway it doesn't matter to him if we do it.

Anyway I digress. So here's the punchline. I have invited people from our synagogue out for a chinese meal and ALL of them have said they have prior arrangements with family and it basically transpires that they are ALL doing christmas!!!!!! Part of me finds this totally hilarious but part of me feels I've been sodding duped when I didn't do it for years and they were all doing it.

So, this year do I do christmas????????

I agree that in the UK the push to do christmas is overwhelming and I have searched for something else to do, to make an alternative christmas experience and because nothing is open there's nothing else really to do than do christmas. The rabbi says he's going to his wife's family to help them celebrate christmas, but I'm pretty straightforward kind of person and to me if he's sitting there with a paper hat on eating turkey and exchanging presents then he's doing christmas, cultural or whatever but he's still doing it. I have family close by who do christmas and they are accepting of my stance but equally would love to spend christmas with us and our dc. I could take this as a chance to rewrite my difficult feelings about christmas as a child. And WorraLorraTurkey what do you mean over punctuation?????!!!!!! ha ha!!!!!

Christmas can be what you want it to be. don't worry about the religious Christians, the proper Christmas is still there for them. when daughter was small we used to go to midnight mass with the revellers, then be back at 8am for a quiet communion with the faithful before going home for breakfast and presents. the Christmas Day service was my favourite of the year.

Thanks for clarifying Annie, that makes sense.

There might also be an issue in that (as I've been led to believe) the main Christmas meat in the US is ham, not turkey - turkey having already been used up at Thanksgiving. You aren't going to find many observant Jews celebrating a festival that revolves around ham.

Anyway, as I've said, DW likes doing Christmas in the UK, but her parents, who are based in the US, don't bother.

Im jewish, we give the DC presents over chanukah.

We have a family get together on christmas day, give silly little presents and play games, generally have lots of fun.

It just feels like a lovely fun family day

We're Jewish and don't celebrate Christmas in any shape or form, nor do any of our family and friends. I think that OP - like me -cannot extrapolate from her own (I'm guessing non- orthodox Jewish circle) to all Uk Jews. But back to your actual question, for me, it's about sustaining our own traditions that surround this winter-time festival. So Chanukah is celebrated big-time in this household. As for what we do on the day? Well DH and DBIL both volunteer for the work shifts so their colleagues can spend their precious time with their families and we just have a normal day at home playing games, watching TV etc.

Tis the season to be jolly, it's a public holiday or two, whatever your outlook.

Surely reason enough to have a bit more fun than usual????????!!!!!!!!!!

(I'm quite partial to a little over punctuation too....)

"I thought ok I'll do the Jewish tradition and do Chinese meal and video and try to embrace that tradition instead (felt a bit shit but I was trying to be a good jew I suppose ha ha)."

As a Jew, I didn't realise that the festival of Chanukah involved having a Chinese meal and video. I have checked my Torah and I can't find anything in the story of Chanukah about having a Chinese takeaway and a video? Perhaps you can elaborate? I guess I need to throw out my menorah and get a flyer from a local takeaway instead?

Cookie, not to celebrate Hanukkah but for something to do on christmas day, chinese restraunts are open and it is something that some Jewish people do especially in US. I think you'd be pushed to find references to jade palace etc in the torah.

stop being mean to each other and having a dig about it. you do it your way and they'll do it theirs. its christmas. it celebrates the birth of a jewish guy who never was anything other than jewish.

Can you have a chat with anyone you are close to and ask how they 'do' christmas? I'm assuming it is more of a celebration of the end one year when they get together with friends and family and eat, drink and be merry. It's good that the kids don't feel that they are missing out on something, and you get the bank holidays anyway, so why not make up your own family traditions?

Santa is religious though (St Nic and all that)!

I was raised Jewish but am married to a non-Jewish man and am not bringing my children up Jewish. We do Christmas. In fact, this year we are hosting Christmas dinner and that will included non-Kosher turkey, pigs in blankets and plenty of mixing of milk and meat. Each to their own - I don't keep a Kosher household of any description and I respect my DH's upbringing.

Growing up, we always had a family meal on Christmas day and exchanged (and still do exchange) presents. My mother's a convert, so there's her family to think about. Our day always started with smoked salmon bagels, and lunch was chopped liver followed by salt beef and latkes... DH loves 'Jewish' Christmas in the manchesterparents house - not that we're ever allowed to go thanks to my crazy ILs but that's another thread.

Isn't it interesting how people find their own way of doing it, your arrangement sounds lovely manchestermum. When I converted the rabbi was really clear that this meant no christmas and a big hoo ha was made of it, can I give it up etc etc and I even had a sort of goodbye christmas (not that I am a dramatist or anything) and then only to find everyone else is at it in some form or another. Funny really! (I'm trying to suppress need to punctuate) aarrgghh!!!!!!!!!!????

Bottom line is that it's a public holiday, and it's still a time to relax, eat to much, and spend time with your family.

I live in a very, very Jewish area and there are literally only about three houses where you can see Christmas trees. We have a mezzuzah on our door and a Christmas wreath in the porch. DH was very upset that the friendly Lubavitch boys failed to deilver the doughnuts this year as a result!

Ha ha ha that's funny! We live in a place with a tiny Jewish community and that's probably part of the problem, our children will definitely be the only Jewish children in their year group at school. If we lived in a Jewish area I probably wouldn't even be thinking about all this.

I went for a run on Yom Kippur and bumped into our neighbour. I made some sort of comment that I was starving. It was approaching the memorial service by this point and I thought she was going to kill me!

How do you even have the energy to celebrate another festival? Seriously, after all the Chagim I would have been happy to not have another festival for a few months. I can't imagine voluntarily taking on another one. We had a low key Hannukah, dragged ourselves to a friend's house for a party, but otherwise just lit the candles and ate donuts at every opportunity.

Though I do agree - the blank faces when you say you don't celebrate xmas, or the shock when you refuse to have tinsel on your PC is astounding. i'm from South Africa originally, and don't remember xmas being pushed in the same way as it is here.

It can be harder in a small community - ours is all but gone to larger cities, only a very aged community remains. My kids are the only ones in their year groups and youth clubs, ours is the only channukiah on the street. A lot more doubt comes to mind when being obviously the odd one out, I find.

Our 25th involves gathering everyone we know without up to our home, having a movie marathon, and supporting our local open takeaways. I tend to work via computer in the morning (for ease, out of principle, and others don't arrive until afternoon anyways), DH usually does some as well, the kids have a usual quiet morning until people arrive. Avoiding live TV and shopping areas at this time of year helps my sanity as well.

The kids are not bothered about it - DS1 didn't even know about Father Christmas until he was 6 (in a shopping centre he asked why all the adverts had people "in the Christmas costume" when it was only November), the only thing DD1 says she'd like about it is the decorations so I let her decorate the place for Channukah (and Shavuot, and Purim, and everything else - she loves decorations) and help make the Channukah playlist with DD2 to dance to (for weeks before and after, I have 'Those were the Nights' running through my brain constantly it seems). The older two happily explain to everyone that they get to celebrate Channukah (DD1 tends to list all of the holidays...) and that Christmas isn't their holiday. It makes most people go but they've really rallied around the idea that people celebrate different things and that they have plenty to enjoy themselves.

Absy - I'm much the same way, we do one outing each year for Channukah, other than that it is oil vials (found coloured ones this year and was way too excited), doughnuts galore, and kids dancing in the living room to the music to get rid of their sugar excitement. I may get my energy levels back for Purim .

GrrrArgh so no seven species and tree planting for Tu Bishvat?! No slacking allowed.

I grew up Jewish and we definitely didn't celebrate Christmas. Some years we went away - it's easier not celebrating Christmas when you are away from home. Some years we went to a big family meal - very much like a Christmas meal but without the pigs in blankets or presents. Some years we just sat around in our pyjamas watching tv all day. Some years we met up with friends. I think the nice thing about not doing Christmas is that you can do whatever you want and change it yearly. You aren't bound by any traditions.

I'm now married to a non-Jew and we aren't bringing our children up as Jews or Christians. It means I can finally have the Christmas tree I always wanted as a child!

I worked for a Jewish firm and we always had a big tree. The bosses said that they'd 'look like a bunch of miserable gits' if they didn't! They were anyway !

i'm Christian and i've never eaten pigs in blankets- they were never part of Christmas, even in my childhood. Turkey, yes. p-i-b, horrible idea. don't eat stuff from the curlytailed beast any more.

My children want Xmas stockings except that they are Muslim. I've promised them Eid stockings next year.

Mind you we did have roast chicken last year and crackers. It proved one thing, no matter what religion or culture you are from, the paper hats never fit and make you look daft.