Do I do christmas this year because I know everyone else at synagogue is!!!!!!!!

[appletarts]

This is a bit long but don't want to drip feed. I was brought up no particular religion and I married a Jewish man. I converted to Judaism before we got married partly so we could bring our children up in the same tradition, partly because Judaism just talked to me and partly because I knew it mattered to DH. I have been Jewish for 5 years and I really value it in my life and how it shapes our family life. I am happy being Jewish. Ok so before we had kids we just didn't do Christmas which was fine with me because doing christmas with a dh who didn't understand the traditions or feel anything for it felt a bit hollow. Then I converted and I sort of thought christmas was something I was going to give up, I felt celebrating seemed a bit odd now I was Jewish. Plus my childhood christmas's were difficult and I'd always had some complicated feelings about christmas although a part of me would have liked to turn this around in my family.

Then we had kids..........

Our dc are so small they don't really understand all what christmas is and they will be having gifts from santa because to me that's not religious. BUT I am increasingly feeling I am short changing my dc with them not having a proper christmas with all that magic. I thought ok I'll do the Jewish tradition and do chinese meal and video and try to embrace that tradition instead (felt a bit shit but I was trying to be a good jew I suppose ha ha). Dh doesn't mind if we do christmas or not, he is a true darling and says if I'm happy he's happy and as he sees it as all a bit meaningless anyway it doesn't matter to him if we do it.

Anyway I digress. So here's the punchline. I have invited people from our synagogue out for a chinese meal and ALL of them have said they have prior arrangements with family and it basically transpires that they are ALL doing christmas!!!!!! Part of me finds this totally hilarious but part of me feels I've been sodding duped when I didn't do it for years and they were all doing it.

So, this year do I do christmas????????

It's the only day in the year when everyone has a day off work. Ofcourse they'll be getting together with family. Doesn't mean they're "doing Christmas".

You could cut the deity/ies totally out of Christmas, and just have a kind of mid-winter feast?

In most cultures (particularly so the closer to the land you are), there is a celebration around the longest day of the year, hence the abubdance of light and fire; people feast to bring familes and friends together and be thankful, as well as sort of celebrating the earth's bounty.

So you could easily do: candles/tree/decorations/food/family and friends with no religion at all. And still keep Chanukah as a religious occasion?

I am a Pagan so I celebrate Winter Solstice as part of my Spiritual Path BUT I would never not 'do' Christmas on December 25th, I am British..Welsh.. and it is a huge part of our culture to see family and exchange gifts.

I love Christmas Trees, we grow ours in a pot and bring it in for the holidays. I love all the lights and pretty things...make your own traditions with your little ones.
Solstice Blessings, EM

Do you not have family to celebrate Christmas with? DH is Israeli Jewish, so doesn't really get Christmas, but he's happy to go along with me to my family as we celebrate Christmas. I converted (I get what you mean about Judaism speaking to you) and we're raising our DDs Jewish, though we're not very observant. But Christmas is Christmas, and it would be horrible not to spend it with my family. And DH likes the food and wine and presents!

And the plus side is, we don't have to argue about whose family to spend Christmas with!!

We're not religious.

We do Christmas in that we have a tree. We eat too much. We watch films. We listen to carols from kings (such beautiful music). We have a good long walk. The children have a stocking from father Christmas and presents from us.

Is a completely cultural Christmas (apart from the carols, but I love carols).

I suppose I've never really associated father Christmas with religion (although I know the saint Nicholas story).

I think we see it as a winter festival with attendant stories - and the Christmas story is a fascinating story as are most bible stories. I can appreciate a good tale, even if I don't believe in it if you see what I mean.

Yes to lots of gingerbread too. I also make lebkuchen (reminds me of the German Christmas parties we had in German lessons at school). Mince pies.

I apologize for my blatant ignorance. But why do Jewish people eat Chinese food for Christmas?

I'm Jewish, we have Father Christmas presents for the kids but no tree or decorations. We have a nice meal, a few drinks and watch telly.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with, I think when you say others are doing xmas, it just means they have arranged meals at friends or family. Have never heard of having a Chinese meal and watching a film either!

Quintessence - I think it's because back when the tradition started, only the Chinese, who don't celebrate Christmas either, had restaurants open on Christmas day. But I may be wrong.

And we have a Chanukah bush, not a Christmas tree!

appletarts I gather you're in the UK? I'm Jewish & grew up in the states. None of our Jewish friends (reform or otherwise) "did Christmas" in any way. It was a non-event. The big family gatherings happened on the important jewish holidays like Rosh Hashannah and Passover. Moving the the UK it was a huge culture shock to realise that most Jewish people here - even the supposedly Orthodox ones (tho probably not the Orthodox rabbis!) - "do Christmas". My (now ex) Jewish ILs always have a big Christmas lunch and exchange presents, even if they've already done so at Chanukah. I kind of got used to it but once we had kids objected to them giving the kids Christmas presents unless Christmas and Chanukah were at the same time. I started inviting them all to ours for big family Chanukah celebration which worked well over the years although they still did the xmas lunch thing. This year will be our first year separated and XH is taking the kids to his parents for Xmas lunch but to be honest I'm a little relieved not to have to take part.

I think it's good to develop your own family traditions and do what feels right for you. You've converted and it sounds like you're raising your children Jewish so think about what message you want to teach them about it once they're old enough to understand. I always wanted to teach my children that being Jewish means we do not celebrate Christmas and the Santa doesn't come to our house because we have our own celebrations and traditions. I do, I admit, get some funny looks and blank stares when I try to explain to people that I just don't celebrate Christmas. But you might decide you want them to feel that it's a special time of year to celebrate family...or whatever. Talk to your DH and figure out what works for you.

Is the Chinese meal for Jewish Christmas an American thing?

I love that Rabbi is doing it too! Do whatever makes you happy. (your husband sounds lovely btw)

we are probably similar to a lot of families in england nowadays- our family routes are christian but we are not religious at all and don't practice any religion- infact much of the family is athiest.

We celebrate christmas in the cultural and traditional sense, we aren't celebrating anything about jesus or god, we are celebrating family and the season. I think nowadays it is very had to ignore Christmas, we love decorating the house and having a wonderful day of lots of food, laughter, drink, presents and the warm cosy feeling of gathering the family all in one room (will children all away from home at uni/working in london this is rare and special for us).

We go to the local panto on christmas eve which is always great fun and a good alternative to the excitement and anticipation chirstmas eve church can bring.

I guess all this has been said, but Christmas can be done in a non-religious way, you just need to debate whether celebrating it would be contradicting your religion or you feel you can make it a traditional event celebrating family and culture and winter.

Christmas
Yule
Winter Solstice
Saturnalia

All midwinter festivals that involve getting together, feasting & gift giving. There are practical reasons for this over & above religious ones (cheering up winter depressions, using up the last of any perishable harvest goods, the need for a set "truce" time when people could travel without fear from enemies).
Christmas is only when it is because nearly all the other religions have festivals around this time of year, if Christmas was only to celebrate the birth of Christ then it would be in April not December.

"Is the Chinese meal for Jewish Christmas an American thing?"

Well yes, although I think of it more as a Jewish American thing to do on Christmas rather than a "Jewish Christmas" thing IYSWIM

You're an adult...a free person so do whatever you want.

But for the love of (insert worship of choice) why the over punctuation?

Yogagirl - I've experienced similar. In the States, it's a complete non-issue but over there there is also a lot more recognition in the media and in public space of other holidays whereas here in the UK Christmas can seem all consuming and I have to make a lot more effort for our holidays and traditions to give them the same community experience (we have to go to a very big city for a public menorah lighting whereas even my tiny Ohio town had one at the mall every year). Also there the community joke among all non Christmas celebrators of movies plus Chinese, which don't happen as much here (a few Chinese and Tandoris are open, I've used them, but for movies we run a marathon at our house as nowt is open).

OP, The December Dilemma happens to all of us, only you and your DH can decide what is best for you. Personally, like Yoga, I'm quite relieved not to be part of it - I can not get past the clash of the message of Channukah (that people fought and died for our values and to not assimilate and to not lose them, and that they are that important) while basically saying that's not good enough, let's do this thing that they are doing cause it's more fun/everyone else is doing it. Does not compute.

I think the main thing to look for is joy. Making Judaism (or any set of traditions you want to pass on) joyful is very important as is community. Look for the those, and nothing will be missing. My children are missing nothing without it and quite happily tell people how great their holidays are. Personal recommendation is making a holiday playlist (Maccabeats and Foundation Heads are spot on, Aish.com runs new songs now as well, the Boy's Yeshiva Choir has some as well, their Channukah songs are quite fun) music makes all holidays more fun and the messages more memorable.

GrrrArgh - not sure that I agree that the UK is less accepting (than the US) of other faiths. Rather that in the US, Judaism is the religion with the 2nd largest no.of adherents; in the UK it's the 5th largest religion. So yes, harder to find a menorah lighting, but it's more a question of numbers/population densities.

I'm not sure it's that the UK is less accepting of other religions but there is definitely an attitude in the UK that "everyone celebrates Christmas. Period". I've been here 14 years and have experienced that attitude over and over. And that's not about not being able to find a menorah lighting or about anyone criticising me for being Jewish, it's about the total bewilderment I see on people's faces when I say I don't celebrate. They ask why. I say because I'm Jewish. They say, Oh, that's ok but what are you doing for Christmas?

OP if you want to do something then do something but equally, there is nothing wrong with standing up and saying, actually, we're not doing anything. That's ok too.

I do, I admit, get some funny looks and blank stares when I try to explain to people that I just don't celebrate Christmas.

I'm with you there, I'm atheist (with pagan tendancies) and I don't 'do Christmas'.

People are really shocked - thay are not shoked that I don't 'do' Channuka, Eid, Divali or Budda day.

OP
It is entirel up to you. You can ignore the day, but that is hard because there are no shops, cinemas, theatres open (unless you like pantomime).

You can do the whole thing. You can pick elements and do bits.

my DJewishF, sent a picture of her circumcised, been brought up Jewish DS, as a Christmas elf in her Christmas card.

I sent him fairy lights for hanakha (sp, I always have to google it)

As all babies love fairy lights, also they were the subtle colour changing sort DD has up all year round.

I didn't say less accepting, I said there was more recognition in the States. Here Christmas is taken as fact particularly by the media, the media is not the same in the States.

Like, in the US, the Disney Channel's advert breaks would rotate a Happy Holidays message with things for Christmas, Channukah, Kwanzaa, and so on and rotates movies for each - the same channel in the UK only plays Christmas stuff. PBS Kids plays a rotation of everything, a few years ago Cebeebies did Christmas stories for bedtime hour every night for the entirety of December and well in January. BBC did an interview with Adam Sandler in December and most of it was about whether or not he was sad not to have had Christmas as a child. with no discussion about what he did do only what he didn't It's just ingrained in media and public space. Other things are accepted but ignored with the expectation that you do this as well or that this is a replacement for it (the conversations on Channukah not being Jewish Christmas have been many...).

Non-Christian religions (other than non-affiliated) only make up about 4-5% of the population in both the UK and the US, it's more a cultural thing, the media reflects it well.

I think for many people Christmas has lost all religious elements now anyway. Its more of a cultural thing, technically it should be renamed 'Santamas'.

Its about FC coming down the chimney and bringing lots of pressies, family getting together, drinking too much, eating mince pies and being merry for a lot of people. So I see no issue in you partaking in that part. I'm 'agnostic' and I do it so why shouldn't someone of a different faith?