To not want to call inlaws 'mum' and 'dad'

[lazycoconutree]

that's it really...
I don't have the best relationship with inlaws but it's not too bad either.
But I won't call mil mum, she isn't my mum and I feel only my mum deserves that title! Ditto with my dad....!
So I'm wondering what everyone out there calls their inlays?

My sil calls my mil mum, she is thousands of miles from her own mum so maybe she gets some comfort?

My Mum writes from Mum and Dad in dh's birthday card and says "It's Mum" when she rings up and he answers. He finds it weird as it has never been discussed. He continues to call them by their names, which may well annoy them. They complained about ex-h calling them by their names and said it was disrespectful and rude! SIL has bowed to the pressure and calls them Dad and Mum, which sounds wrong to me and for some reason I find mildly annoying, but maybe she is quite happy with it.

I was thinking about this only this morning! My MIL - who I don't have a close relationship with - signed herself off Mum in a note to me last week. My mum died in January and while I know it's her sim

Bugger... Simply not thinking, do I say anything?! Kind of sick of having to ignore thoughtless behaviour and take the moral high ground!

I just call them by their first names- it would seem weird not to.

I call mine mum.

She's an elderly woman from a different culture and she would feel devastated and that I had no respect for her if I didn't. And I love her very much and won't do anything that would hurt her.

So she's 'mum'. On the very very rare occasions I speak to her (she's in Kenya). And 'your mum' to my husband. And Xs mum/my mother in law to other people.

I don't tend to call them anything if they are there. If I'm referring to them I say "your M&D" to dh, or "My MiL / FiL" is talking to someone else, or - if it's an Aunty or something, then I use their first name. It's easier once the dc are born and you just call them 'Grandma' or whatever. If they are writing a birthday card to me, the'y put their first names, and that's how each would refer to the other if talking about them to me.

Just remembered- a card to both of us is signed "Mum & Dad" , & to just me is signed with their names.

My mother in law has a habit of referring to me as her daughter. A) she has a daughter so everyone who hasn't met me before thinks I'm SIL; B) it makes my marriage sound incestuous; C) it's incredibly disrespectful to my own mum.

I bloody hate it! Like hell would I ever call her mum.

I call my FIL Dad when he isn't around.. I think thats just because I've never used the term Dad for anyone (Stepdad is just first name basis!) and its easier when talking to DP, and I love FIL alot. I moved in and he didn't bat an eyelid! To his face its first name though, I think he'd find it a bit strange. not that he would hear me, losing his hearing in his old age

I don't call MIL Mum though.. That would feel really strange and also she has been in a care home since I have known DP so don't know her as well as i do FIL. If that makes sense.

First names here, although exMIL tends to introduce me to people as her daughter.

My sister calls her in-laws mum and dad, but she lives with them (and one of her BILs) so she's very much one of the family.

I think its sad that so many people feel so strongly against calling their in-laws mum and dad if it meant a lot to the in-laws. I think if the in-laws are from a generation where it is normal then I do think it would be respecrful.

My MIL passed away last christmas and she was lovely - I would have happily called her mum if she had wanted it that way, I have a fabulous relationship with my own mum and it would have in no way taken anything away from my mum.

BTW - I would not have called XMIL mum regardless as she was a vile nasty old cow - I meant if the in-laws are actually nice!

It isn't generational. My PIL are nearly 90 and I call them by their first names. I first met them just after my father had died and there was no way I would have called anyone else Dad-luckily they didn't expect me to.

Don't really understand people saying they call them nothing. You must have cause at some point to address them. Even if you're asking where they are or do they want pudding. You have to call them something surely.

yanbu - My mil spent the first few years of my relationship with DH phoning and saying "hi -it's mum" to me. It drove me mad. She isn't my mum. She has finally given up.

I sometimes call my MIL 'mum' and don't really think anything of it. It's mostly when I'm with dh, and he's calling her mum. Just seems natural for me to do so too. Now I'm thinking maybe I'm weird!

I have 2 mil
Ex mil I call mum she calls my dh her son in law it's all very civilised really. She's always been an amazing support even after her son and I split up. He doesn't talk to her now. Her and I live close to each other and I see her almost every day and she is definitely granny to ds2 who is dh's son.
She does love me in a different way than my current mil does and is very much like a mum to me.
Mil gets her first name to her face and your bloody mother to dh

Hmmm, this is a difficult one for me.

On the one hand, I utterly adore my PILs. They are wonderful, kind, loving and generous people who treat me like they do their own. In fact, more than once MIL has assured me that if DP and I were to ever split, they would choose to keep me instead of DP.

On the other hand, they aren't my parents and therefore I would find it difficult to refer to them with those names. FIL wouldn't expect it because I had a difficult relationship with my own father and therefore using the name dad again would be extremely uncomfortable for me. And I am close to my mum and it would feel weird having anyone share the title of mum.

They truly are lovely people though, so I hope they have never been offended by my calling them by their first names.

*not that DP and I are planning on splitting, it was more of a drunken rambling and declaration of love from MIL. She is prone to them.

YANBU as I think it is completely dependent on the kind of relationship you have with your PILs. For example my DH often calls my parents Ma and Pa as affectionate terms iyswim. I on the other hand do not have such a relaxed comfortable relationship with DH's Dad and Step-Mum so won't be calling them by anything other then their names!
I think there is an element of generational influence as both my parents called their PILs 'Mum', 'Dad' or 'Mother'.
Growing up I had always assumed that is what you did when you got married but obviously I realised that wasn't the case when it came to it!

Mil and Fil get first names if Im talking to them without the kids about, otherwise its Nana and Grandad. Mil does announce that she loves me every so often though, which is nice. Sometimes I do forget myself and refer to fil as dad when talking to dh as we both know who I mean and my dad lives the otherside of the world so its kind of nice to say it sometimes. I do love both mil and fil and would do anything for them and them me so I feel very lucky.

Went shopping with my DM to day and bought most of my Xmas cards. DM made a comment about how when DP & I get married (we're engaged), it'll be weird to buy cards for "Daughter & Son-in-Law" as DP is only 5 years younger than her. I think they'll stick to first name terms

Likewise, DP's DM is the same age as my StepGM - I call her by her first name if I'm talking to her on my own or by Nanna around the DSSs and DD.

I call my MIL 'Mum' and am OK with that. It's what she wanted/expected and I am happy to go along with it.

My SIL calls me 'Mum' too, but I suspect that's only because he did it by mistake once and my DD laughed at him. I call him 'son'.