Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

half siblings, do they still exist?

123 replies

FlojoHoHoHo · 16/12/2012 14:19

Took my DCs to a music group this morning. DS dad usually takes DS but FIL died so I took him along with DD. Music lady said ah this is your half sister, what's your half sister called etc. DS DS knows they have different dads but has never heard the term half before. On the third time she said it, I firmly said "its sister, we use the term sister".
AIBU to find the term half sister uncomfortable? As far as I'm concerned they are brother and sister, end of.

OP posts:

tulipgrower · 16/12/2012 22:35

YABU, the term is technically correct, nothing to do with how you feel. I don't think any malice was intended. I recently introduced a visitor to our son as his first-cousin-once-removed , which is a mouthful, but correct. And it didn't make my cousin less special to my son. Being a "half sibling" certainly doesn't make one better or worse than a full, step, or otherwise sibling, it's just a fact of life.

lidlqueen · 16/12/2012 22:39

actually it can be used in quite an offensive way as Ladyharriet said, personally I hate it, I am not half a person, as it used towards me and my DC.

PopMusicShoobyDoobyDoA · 16/12/2012 22:41

My son (4) has a sister and brother who he shares a dad with. They are all grown up and have never lived with us. But we never say half sister/brother - they are his brother and sister and he knows that they share a Daddy with him but not a Mummy. They will always be his brother and sister.

FolkElf · 16/12/2012 22:50

My children are technically 'half' siblings. DS only realised a couple of years ago because someone at school was talking about their similar situation and referred to his younger 'half' sibling. DS was quite shocked and upset but I told him that in real terms they weren't 'half' of anything. They are closer that my brother and I have ever been. It's meaningless. I wouldn't find it 'offensive' but I wouldn't ever term them as that.

OTOH, I have 2 much younger half siblings and their mother doesn't even acknowledge that we're related, let alone 'sisters' so half sisters would be a step up from where we are now.

Moominsarescary · 16/12/2012 22:50

I don't think the term half brother ever came up with ds1&2. However when ds2 was 8 his dad had another baby his step brothers took great delight in telling him he was only the babies half brother.

When he asked about it I explained and he said, but surely that means they're his half brothers too

Yes they are

SinisterBuggyMonth · 17/12/2012 01:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 17/12/2012 08:08

It is very rude. It means that in the same token you could say 'and is this your adoptive brother?'- 'what is your adoptive brother called' - it is all inappropriate.

StrawberryTot · 17/12/2012 08:26

It definitely still exists, in my family I have a different father to my siblings. This is very obvious due to the fact that I am white and my db and dsis are mixed race (African). When we say that we are brother and sister people always frown followed by 'ohhh half brother and sister'. It doesn't bother me but my db doesn't like it at all and often corrects them.

PanickingIdiot · 17/12/2012 08:52

Even if the term is technically correct, I think people should always take the family's lead in such matters. If you've never referred to her as your son's half-sister then other people should assume there's a reason for it and not act like they know better and correct you. Wtf. I'd put people in their place if they tried to explain to me why my sister is a half-sister. She isn't, now piss off kindly.

DelphineD · 17/12/2012 11:45

I think that the fact you were upset about it shows that you think there is something wrong or shameful about them having different fathers. All these complicated relationships and people having children all over the place with different partners, it's bound to cause confusion and upset... makes me feel lucky to have grown up in a stable family with one mother and one father.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 17/12/2012 11:50

My children's half sister is most definitely their half sister as there is no way I want people thinking the bitch OW is their mother.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 17/12/2012 11:51

But it all depends on personal circumstances what you call them.

Izzyschangelingisarriving · 17/12/2012 11:53

doesnt you confirm exactly what this thread has been making me think, that the relationship with the ex has a lot of bearing on this.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 17/12/2012 11:58

Well, yes. I imagine I may feel differently were the circumstances different and I certainly don't think everyone should follow my rabid personal feelings :)

The thought of anyone thinking she is their mother fills me with thoughts of violence. However, I would like to make it clear that I do keep this to myself! I don't make a huge deal of it with the children, just quietly seethe to myself.

WhenSantaGotStuckUpACunnyFunt · 17/12/2012 11:58

I'm confused by your title, 'do they still exist?'
I'm pretty sure my half brother and half sister still exist. Haven't heard otherwise!

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 17/12/2012 11:58

Oh, and whether they live and grow up together makes a difference too. Mine don't.

goldenlula · 17/12/2012 12:09

Dh is one of 9 children in a split family. He has a full brother and sister, 2 half sisters and a half brother, 2 step brothers and a step sister. He usually always refers to the step siblings as just that, although he does call one of the step brothers his brother sometimes, he is the one he had the most to do with as the other step siblings were quite grown up when his mum and step dad got married. Half sibling wise, it depends, mainly they are his siblings but if he is talking more in depth with someone he uses half sibling to clarify.
I have a half sibling, I refer to her as my sister most of the time, but use half sister to clarify the relationship.

Latemates · 17/12/2012 13:21

Read with interest pages 1 and 2 and felt I wanted to post. Maybe this has already been covered but IMHO....

The term half is offensive as it does indicate half is less than whole person. And the widely used term to represent children from 2 different ethnic backgrounds has been changed due to the half word making them feel less of a person.

Jingleallthejay · 17/12/2012 13:25

It is quite strange for somebody to say 'half sister' a bit rude tbh they are Brother and sister , I have a half sister technically but we are sisters, maybe the music teacher was being a bit snooty and saying well you have different dads dont you

PurpleCrutches · 17/12/2012 13:30

DH has two half sisters and a half brother on his dad's side, and a half brother on his mum's.

He lived with his mum so grew up with his half brother, and just calls him his brother. The ones he didn't live with are referred to as half siblings.

I don't think it's ever been mentioned by anyone outside of the family tbh, I would be very surprised at a group leader talking about it.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 17/12/2012 13:35

Me and my brother are technically "half siblings" as we have different dads, but my dad brought him up since he was a tiny baby and then when I was born we've always seen each other as brother and sister and not just "half".

My DS and his sister are technically "half siblings", but although his sister is close to her mum, she's also close to her dad as well. So for that reason I do class them as full siblings, even though they don't share the same mum. It sounds much better.

I think the term half siblings sounds like the siblings aren't very close. And it also makes them sound less important to each other as a "full sibling" would be. Even though officially they are half siblings.

Lemonylemon · 17/12/2012 13:42

I think the music teacher sounds like she was from a different generation or maybe socially a little bit inept.

My DS's Dad died when DS was 7. My DD's Dad died before she was born. Each of them has their Dad's surname.

In our house, we all know that they have different Dads, but they don't regard themselves as "half" brother and sister, just brother and sister.

MoomieAndFreddie · 17/12/2012 13:55

i don't like the term tbh

my dcs have different dads but i never use it, they live together, they are brothers and sisters, end of

one of the dc has a much older "half" sister (different mum) - and i never refer to her as anything other than DC's sister.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread