half siblings, do they still exist?

[FlojoHoHoHo]

Took my DCs to a music group this morning. DS dad usually takes DS but FIL died so I took him along with DD. Music lady said ah this is your half sister, what's your half sister called etc. DS DS knows they have different dads but has never heard the term half before. On the third time she said it, I firmly said "its sister, we use the term sister".
AIBU to find the term half sister uncomfortable? As far as I'm concerned they are brother and sister, end of.

I have a half brother and a half sister we all grew up together and lived in the same house but they are my brother and sister just the same as all my brothers and sisters.and I find it hurtful when people labour the half bit. Or if its said to minimise.

Weirdly I also have a couple of half sisters who I refer to as my dads children but then again I have met them twice in 18 years and have no relationship with them.

I do think that if they all live together its fairly normal to not add the half but if you don't live together then it gets added.

My DSs are technically half brother-they know this- but they have never used the term and can't imagine them using it in the future. They are brothers.

I forgot to add that one brother and one sister and i were all subject to a legal step parent adoption and back then it also meant your mother was named as an adoptive parent so had to adopt her own children .

So legally we are full brothers and sisters

Its not a dirty secret, they know they have a different dad to their elder sibling, they have been to exh house and looked over DCs bedroom there, so they understand fully, but they are brothers and sisters and thats how they see it.

I gather from this thread, that those households where the "half" is on the side of the exh - tend to see things in terms of half siblings, whereas those where the half is on the maternal side, dont.

But thats just based anecdotally on what I have read here.

I wonder if the relationship between the original mum and dad of DCs impacts on it as well.

I have a "half brother" but I don't call him that I call him my brother. it's only when someone says to me "is he your full blood brother" that I give them the look and wonder what they're on about for a while lol

I call the siblings I grew up with (from my mother's second marriage) my brother and sister.

If I ever met the children born from my father's second marriage, I would probably call them my half-brother & sister.

I have a stepmother and half sister, but as far as I'm concerned they are my mum and my sister. On the few occasions that I've explained the true family history to friends they've always been suprised as they would never have known we weren't all fully related. I'd be offended if anyone referred to my mum as my stepmum, or my sister as my half sister and I would tell them so.

I don't like it.

I grew up just me and my Mum, when I was 17 she married her DH, and they had my sister, a few years later my brother, I would actually be quite hurt at anyone referring to us as half siblings, even though I left the family home at 18. They are my brother and sister.

Dh's siblings are his brothers and sisters, though his father is not their father, but they grew up together in the same house.

My half-brothers are my half-brothers, we have never met. I have a full brother and sister, and we have been through things together that our half-brothers will never understand. It could never be the same relationship at all with them imo as it is with my full siblings, if we ever do meet that is.

I prefer full, siblings are siblings. I once went into a lOng explanation
To the Dr how I was allergic to an Antibiotic, and my dad was and my sister was (all same reaction) so it could be genetic and we should be careful giving the DDs it.

Totally forgetting Dad, sister and I don't actually share genetics .

So for me it should be full, half only in request!

Siblings are siblings regardless of full genes!
My dds are all sisters, although my eldest has a different 'father'.
If anyone refered to them as half sisters i would be furious!

I don't like the assumption that half-siblings with the same mother are more like full siblings than those with a shared father, or as one person said "you were born from the same womb so you are siblings". To me this Implies the mother is the most important bond. I can understand better when there is little relationship but my children have 2 half-brothers they share a Dad with, but they are very much brothers despite being older and living elsewhere. I would be very upset if anybody tried to say they were lesser siblings than any siblings the older 2 share a mother with. Not that I think the term "half" is offensive, merely factually correct and sometimes useful to explain the relationship, for a start I feel too young to be the mother of the older two lol.

I have much younger half sister, 16 years younger, and we have never used the term half sister, shes my sister, i love her the same as my other siblings, so end of.

We have the same problem with step relatives, rather than half-relatives. My children have a step Grandmother, the only grandmother they have and they adore her and she is a wonderful Grandmother to them, she is my step mother.
We have one member of my (blood) family refuses to consider her as their grandmother, always without failing referring to her by her first name, never referring to her as their grandma. It drives me mad. She is a better Grandma than most and yet she gets no credit for it and is constantly reminded that she isn't really their grandma at all.

It's not a term that exists in our family, they are brothers and sisters no matter which house they live in.

My children have adult half-brother and sister. We've never referred to them as half-siblings though, they all think of each other as sister/brothers, just 2 of them have a different mum.

I only use the term to explain the relationship to other people, though I usually call the older two my stepchildren as it's obvious (hopefully!) that I'm far too young to have adult children, rather than call them my children's half-siblings.

Thinking about the OP, I think an explanation might be that your child has mentioned his sister before when Dad was there and music teacher may have used the term daughter when mentioning the conversation to the dad, and dad then explained it was a half-sister and not his daughter (which would be correct use of the term). I don't think music teacher meant to upset anybody, and I don't think half-sister is an offensive term. You did right to explain to music teacher you just use 'sister' so that she knows why son was confused but no need for anyone to be upset.

YABU - it's not offensive, just descriptive.

When I was growing up, my half sister was just that. much older, lived with her mum, saw her once a month or so. I adored her but the relationship was totally different than that with my brother who lived with me and was closer in age. The 'half' was an easy way of explaining who she was.

As we got older the gap closed and now, as grown ups, it is not unusual that we live in different houses and see each other a few times a year. So now she is my 'sister' and nothing needs explaining.

She is a better Grandma than most and yet she gets no credit for it and is constantly reminded that she isn't really their grandma at all.

Family is what you make it, my DD has absolutely no biological ties you her GP's but that makes no difference, if she is called GM to most, then she is GM, simple as that.

Odd that this should be a thread now as I was caught short by DS2 earlier today - he has two half siblings (from my first marriage) who he's grown up with and they've only ever been his brother and sister, as far as I'm concerned. But in his French homework he referred to his "demi-frere" and then his younger "frere" and I was really quite taken aback. He's obviously very clear about the distinction.

I agree MrsFlibble, she is a wonderful GM and we are lucky to have her. I don't want my DC to miss out on having a DGM just because I missed out on having a DM. I have told her numerous times that my step mother is their grandmother but she carries on being difficult.

OP - it's probably because something your exP has said. You need to remember that your DD isn't actually part of his life so he's more likely to explain the relationship if your DS mentions your DD (you can see that easily, "Oh, XXX is that your DD?" "No, she's my ex's daughter with her new partner, she's DS's half sister.") - while both DCs are a big part of your life, only one of them is in his, and the music teacher knows your DS via your ExP normally. It could be she's got used to saying "half sister" in relation to your DD to avoid offending your ExP...

YABU - I had no idea people would find it an offensive term, it's just a factual term to me.

DS has 2 half brothers from his Dad's first marriage, they don't live with us and are around 15years older than DS. In fact I sometimes say that DS is an only child since he's being brought up without siblings. However, one of the older boys most recent birthday card to DS was a 'brother' card which was rather sweet.

It's really a non issue, the boys are all quite clear about their relationship and it is a happy one, albeit pretty different from DS's friends more usual brotherly relationships.

OP
The term is technically correct and I think you are being oversensitive in this particular context.

I can see, though, how the term 'half-sibling' could be used to hurt someone's feelings if they were somehow making a point to distance that particular person from the family relationship. BUT an outsider can't generally be expected to have a window into that, and I'd write this lady's comments off.

If she had corrected your DS or something, that would be different.

I am glad you started the thread too as I will also now be a bit more sensitive to the nuances!